Dependence
by marylwhit
Summary: After disappearing for three months, Jack can't remember anything that has happened to him - but it doesn't stop the terrifying flashes. Can Kate help him before it's too late? JATE.
1. Chapter 1

Hi guys!

This is for my lovely friend, Dianrra.

After disappearing for three months, Jack can't remember anything that has happened to him - but it doesn't stop the terrifying flashes. Can Kate help him before it's too late?

He couldn't remember the last time her felt like this. Sure, he'd been afraid before but not like this. Not crippling, paralyzing fear that held his chest so tight it was hard to breathe. He couldn't move his arms or legs. He couldn't even open his eyes, he was just too weak. And it was this that made everything worse. If he could see, then maybe -just maybe he could begin to work out where he was. But he couldn't. So he was trapped. He was helpless.

His wrists were tied. He knew that at least. And was, in someways, thankful for the cuts and tears that ran across the tender skin, because it meant at he could feel something. His mouth was gagged, and a tight, course sacking wrapped around his face. It reeked of dried sweat and it tasted even worse. Sour, metallic. Like blood. It left Jack wondering if it was his own or someone else's.

It must have been nighttime. It was too cold to be anything other, even if he was laying deep into the jungle. A cold wind assaulted him and he couldn't stop himself shivering as it chilled him to the bone. He tried to move, tried to reposition himself so he would escape the most brutal portion of the wind, and doing this he realized it was impossible. His legs were bound, and he was tied to the tree he lent against. His head fell back, almost involuntarily. God, he was so tired.

They'd probably given him something to knock him out. To keep him unconscious while they dragged his limp body out into the jungle, so deep that nobody would ever find him, tied him to a tree and left him to die. Jack felt his eyes start welling up and his throat grow tight. This was the end. He was going to die here and there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. He tried to remember where he'd been last, then maybe he could work out where about he was, and decide if doing his best at crying out for help would do anything at all. But he only remembered...Ben. And a wide, transparent cage - like a tank. Then nothing. Nothing until waking up blind. He had no idea how long he'd been gone or of anything - if anything - that had happened. He sunk down further against the trunk, scrapping his back as he did so, but Jack didn't care. Maybe has was already dead. Maybe this is what it felt like to die. Perhaps he wasn't tied to a tree in the jungle after all - he was rotting in hell.

Jack sat for a few moments before deciding where ever he was - he wasn't going to give up without fighting. Forcing his jaw apart from under the gag he began to scream for help as loud as he could. He anticipated his voice would come out powerful, strong and demanding, but tragically, he found he couldn't make any noise above a whisper. His throat was dry and sore, and he was dehydrated and weak. Jack started to feel nauseous from the effort and his head spun. He decided to abandon any hope of attracting attention to himself, and focus on opening his eyes so he could try and undo his hands and feet. He gained control of his eyelids and slowly began to coax them open. Although he won the battle, he was still met by darkness and he started to panic.

He was blind.

A cold rush paralyzed him, running through him from the tips of his toes to the back of his neck, forcing all the tiny hairs all over his body to stand up. He started to feel more nauseous than before, more dizzy and sick. His body shook and he lurched forward, dry heaving twice before misconstruing his environment and slamming his head back into the tree - again - where he came to rest.

That is when he gave up. Passive, he managed to calm himself down enough to let his body succumb to sleep.

He woke up to a faint rustling. Extremely faint - but it was there. And the noises came at distinct, timed intervals. Footsteps? He abandoned all hope of being able to see. He blocked out the smells, the foul taste and the cold and focused on listening to the sounds. He couldn't make out if they were approaching or moving away. He gave up for a few seconds - for five seconds - just to get his bearings and tried to focus again. The rustling definitely belonged to a person - no, two people - as they walked through the jungle. Were they looking for him? He opened his mouth, letting the gag sink between his upper lip and his tongue, crying out with all he had in him.

He could hear the leaves on the jungle floor rustling, getting louder and louder as the wind blew them around. The sound wasn't calming at all. It just subtly reminded him that the jungle was a dangerous place, perhaps he'd be eaten by -

A monster. Jack froze in horror. A pair of hands landed roughly on his shoulders, shaking him hard, while another pair moved hastily across his chest before settling on the sides of his face. This was it. They had him, they'd seen he hadn't died yet and came back to finish the job. Oh god, he was gonna die. His breath abandoned him, as whole body started to shut down, his limbs went numb, while his hands involuntarily clamped into tight, but shaky fists. The familiar icy chill returned. His ears started ringing - and he lost consciousness completely and passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello :)**

**Well this is the second chapter.. hope you all enjoy it!**

* * *

_"Jack! Jack? Can you hear me?"_

_"Doc? ...Is he -"_

_"No!"_

_"Well he ain't movin' freckles."_

_"I think he's fainted, help me get the blindfold off.."_

The hands were still holding his face, the thumb caressing his left cheek, when he awoke. He wasn't tied to the tree anymore, instead he was flat on his back only inches from where he'd been sitting. He tried to open his eyes once again, and this time he was followed by a wave of dizziness as they slowly began to focus. But he could see. He could see. He wasn't blind. He felt his head being lifted off the ground, and the blindfold that was now floating around his neck being untied. Jack immediately looked up, seeing a vast green and blue canvas mixed with a brown blob and a distant blond blob. He couldn't make them out clearly enough to recognise who they were. And while he knew one of them was trying to talk to him he couldn't understand a word they were saying. But they were on his side. He knew that for sure.

_"God, your freezing."_

It was a familiar voice.

_"Can he hear us?"_

And female. Calming. Hearing her voice helped him to relax him. Her fingers were at his jaw, tearing off the mouth gag and sacking tied there.

Kate.

Jack managed to force his eyes into focusing. Her soft brown locks had fallen on to his face, covering her own from view. She brushed them back and revealed a worried, pained expression carried by her green eyes.

"Kkkkaaa...kaaa." Jack started but he couldn't quite get her name out without stuttering in shock.

"Yeah, it's Kate" She smiled, tears welling. "We found you."

Using all the energy he had left, Jack put his hands under him and attempted to push himself up into sitting position. Not even being able to speak, it was foolish to think he could actually sit up by himself, and [predictably] he fell back twice. The third time, Jack felt another mans arms wrap around his waist and sit him up effortlessly, then continue to support him so he wouldn't unbalance completely. Jack turned, gaping at the other man. Completely confused. It was Sawyer. But Sawyer looked older, somehow different that before and it scared him. How long had he been left out here?

"I think you should lay back down, Jack" Kate said worriedly, and watched as he continued to look around dazedly - his ears were ringing and his head throbbed. He was becoming increasingly upset as he tried to remember what had happened and still had his eyes fixed on Sawyer.

_"Can you hear me?"_

Kate was talking to him again, he couldn't focus on what she was saying. She's taken one if his hands and was tightly holding it in her own, while the other was on his shoulder, trying to make him at least look at her. But he couldn't. His head spun and his centre of gravity was off. Kate was slowly coming in and out of focus, and all he could see clearly was Sawyer's dirty blond mop so he moved that way. But he saw her mouth move, and assumed she was asking a question, so nodded regardless when he thought she had stopped speaking.

_"Do you know where you are?"_

He nodded again, there was a pause, and Kate held up four fingers on her left hand.

"How many fingers am I holding up, Jack? Can you see my fingers?"

A third time, he nodded.

"We need to get him to Juliet." Kate said, while her eyes followed Jacks curious attempts at trying to cuddle up to Sawyer so he could fall asleep. He was totally out of it.

"Look at him," Protested Sawyer, who was attempting to move Jack's dead weight off himself and up against a tree without waking him. He needs to rest is all - d'ya know how far out we are? he ain't fit to be walking miles right now."

"Carry him."

"Look freckles, he ain't gonna die. He needs to rest and so do you. I'll _carry him _back in the mornin'."

Kate agreed, crawling forwards on the earth so she could grab hold of Jack, rescue him from Sawyer and force him to lay back down. He still hadn't spoken properly yet and it worried her. That, and the fact he couldn't seem to understand anything she said to him.

She wrapped her arms around him and decidedly pulled him into her embrace. Only then did she realise how much she had missed him, how completely terrified she had been every single second he'd been away. She held his skinny and malnourished body tighter, not so that it hurt, but so he could - no, _she could _- feel he was there. That he was alive.

She didn't like feeling his ribs protruding and grinding into her own as he tried to get comfortable in her arms, nor did she like how absolutely freezing his entire body was. He was drifting in and out of sleep and was suprisingly more that willing to let her hold him, so in an effort to get him warm she began to rub her hand up and down his back. Immediately, Jack woke up - alert - wincing painfully and clenching his fists around the material at her shoulders.

"What? What is it?" Kate asked, suprised, but as she let go, Jack fell right back to sleep against her.

"Sawyer!" She called, and he came over, carrying with him a light blue airline blanket for Kate to wrap around Jack. "His back, pull his shirt up."

Sawyer lifted the green material up to Jacks neck and shot Kate a sympathetic look. Jacks back, from his shoulders down to the waistband his jeans was covered with short, deep gashes nestled in a sea of purple and yellow bruises.

"Who would do this?" Asked Kate, in utter disbelief. "What the hell happened to him?"

* * *

Kate couldn't sleep. She knew Sawyer was awake too.

She needed to keep watch over Jack and make sure the steady breathing she could feel against her neck remained that way. She's been debating with herself for a while if she should wake him up, and make Sawyer swap clothes with him, so he wouldn't be so cold. The airline blanket was really doing nothing to help him. Then it suddenly clicked.

"Sawyer, pass me your pack?"

She rustled through the backpack and quickly found what she was looking for. They had brought some old clothes from the camp to use as rags. One of these rags was Hurley's old, bright red t-shirt, well worn and stained but far better than Jack's wet jeans and green dharma-printed top.

Kate held Jack against her body, and lent against the tree while he slept. And although she questioned if he'd feel violated, she allowed Sawyer to strip him of his shirt, his jeans, socks and boots, then dress him in the second hand t-shirt. It wasn't elegant but it was better than freezing to death by any means.

Jack had always been a light sleeper, any bump in the night back at camp meant he was the first awake, searching for the source of the sound that might be something that could potentially harm the people in the camp. Even if it was nothing at all. But now, he hadn't even moved once. He just lay, completely motionless why Sawyer changed his clothes, breathing deeply against Kate's neck.

Long after Sawyer had moved away to lay down himself, Kate watched Jack. She came to the conclusion he had been drugged. It really explained everything. Or maybe he was in shock? She'd heard that people completely shut down in extremely stressful situations. But... wasn't that dangerous? God, she felt like an idiot. She had no idea.

Taking Jacks hand in her own, Kate really had no idea what was wrong, or how to help him, so she just let him sleep. Finally laying down herself, she couldn't help but continue to wonder - what the hell had happened to Jack, in the three months he'd been gone?

* * *

_Sunlight burning his eyes through the peepholes in his blinds, sky rise apartment in L.A. Soft sheets, warm under the covers. Waiting for his alarm clock to start buzzing and remind him it's a new day. Flashes of white light start to illuminate his bedroom and bring him out from nighttime haze. For the first time since med-school he doesn't feel sleep deprived, not at all. Smiling ever so slightly, he cracks his eyes open taking a moment to stare straight up at the ceiling above him. Then the strangest feeling, like someones watching him. Like someones in his room. He doesn't panic, and maybe his heart doesn't beat as fast as it should - but he knows they're there. He can hear them breathing. He doesn't want to turn his head and investigate the noise, but he does anyway. And that's when he sees him. Watching over like a hawk, creepy big blue eyes and satisfied smirk, spiky brown hair. Greasy. Holding a syringe, he gives it a squeeze giving some of the liquid a lucky escape._

_"Good morning, Jack. Sleep well?."_

_Ben._

Shooting up, and nearly whacking his head into a tree in the process, Jack awoke. Taking a minute to realize he was alright - he was with Kate and Sawyer - he shook of the memories of his dream.

Dream.

It felt to real to be just a dream. Too familiar.

_"Why am I in a dress?" _Jack thought to himself, mind moving to address the far more important issue, as he gazed down at the faded and far-too-over-sized red t-shirt. That looked familiar too. _"And why am I not wearing any pants?" _Kate's arm was wrapped around his waist protectively and he remained still for a moment, glancing around slowly and taking in his surroundings. He hadn't been able to see well last night, but now, he felt much better. A little queasy, but other than that - he felt great.

Sliding down, back into Kate's embrace, he let himself enjoy the comfort and warmth for a few more minutes. He watched her while she slept. Like Sawyer, she had changed, she looked different. Maybe he did too. He wanted to know how long he'd been gone for. It didn't seem like more than a few days. Maybe it had been. He couldn't remember anything about his capture, the last thing he remembered was eating dinner with Juliet by the campfire then blank, Ben, a cage and a tree in the jungle. It felt like he'd gone for a long nap and just woken up, a week? a month? a year long nap?

Shifting his weight, Jack decided it was time to move. Partly because if Kate were to wake up and find him laying next to her, and up close, staring her down -it might be awkward. And partly because he was thirsty and needed to find water.

Gently moving Kate's arm from around his waist, Jack held on to a tree for support and pulled himself up on to his feet for the first time. He thought that perhaps he had moved too quickly and regretted it as his head spun, yet again. He thought about sitting back down for a minute but the thought of fresh water pushed him to go on.

Jack closed his eyes and listened for any sound of fresh running water. He could hear a faint sound, but it could easily be the wind. Never the less, he followed it. Turning left at a cloister of trees (he had to remember his way back) he could not only hear water flowing but another person filling bottles. Jack felt his heart palpitate, his hands begin to shake involuntarily and his legs freeze up and refuse to move. He didn't feel afraid. So why was his body acting like this? He knew the person around the corner, on the other side of the trees was Sawyer, who else would it be? But subconsciously, deep down - deep, deep down - in his chest he was petrified it was one of them - come to take him back. He couldn't even remember where 'back' was, but he knew he didn't want to be there.

Pulling himself together and forcing himself to turn the next corner, Jack saw Sawyer hunched over his pack and filling it up with water bottles._ (I told you) _When Jack approached he spun around the two locked eyes for the first time in ages.

"Ya'll right, doc?" He asked genuinely. And Jack nodded, catching a water bottle that came flying at him from across the river.

"Dress looks good on ya." Sawyer joked, and Jack felt himself smiling. "Ya other clothes are on that tree over there when ya wanna change". Jack nodded, beginning to down the water in one chug then leaning down to fill up the bottle again. Liquid gold. He watched the bottle fill up with water, then tipped it out, filled it again, tipped it out and filled it. He did this a few times. It was calming in a strange way, watching the bottle fill up, then tip it out knowing you'll never get that exact same sample again. But it didn't matter, because it was all part of the same stream...

But Sawyer broke the silence.

"Ya know you've been gone for three months."

So this meant he'd spent as long with _them _than with the other survivors. With Kate and Sawyer. It was strange. Yet, it didn't seem like more than a few days had gone by since he'd last seen her - _them_.

Jack didn't look at Sawyer. Stunned, an image of Ben flew in to his head once again, this time they were together in the tank.

_Jack sitting obediently against a wall, afraid but trying hard not to show it, and Ben sitting casually on a fold out chair._

_"Three hours Jack. Three hours of your time, and we'll let you go. Do this one thing for me and you can go back to your friends - to Kate..."_

_"Doc."_

_"Jack!"_

He snapped back into consciousness upon hearing his name, and Sawyer stared at him confused.

That had definitely been a memory.

"Can't just fail out on me, Jack." Sawyer said, almost worriedly, and actually using Jack's name. "What the hell did you see?"

Jack took a moment to contemplate if he should tell Sawyer what he saw. Maybe it would be good to talk to someone - someone that wasn't going to fuss and wouldn't filter themselves at all. Maybe he needed to hear he was crazy.

"Nothing. I didn't see anything. I don't know what your talking about."

"I know your lying and she'll be able to see it too." Said Sawyer, but he didn't push it.

Jack finished another bottle of water and deciding he would rather wear a dharma initiative t shirt and jeans that walk back to camp in a big red dress, he went in search for his clothes. Remembering Sawyer saying something about hanging them in tree he began to scan the cloisters looking for them.

He soon found them next to the stream. Either Kate or Sawyer had washed them the night before and both his jeans and shirt were still damp.

"Sawyer washed them for you, I though you could do with something clean to put on." Kate's voice came from behind Jack and he jumped, turning around to face her. Smiling, she handed him a mango. "It's not quite a cheeseburger, but its the best we can do right now - but the food parcels have arrived at camp. There's pasta, rice, canned baked beans..."

Jack forced himself to smile. But he was confused. Food parcels? What was she talking about?

He watched her pack the blankets and water while he slipped his jeans on. Kate must have seen him doing something wrong, because the next thing he knew she was next to him, telling him she could help, and removing the red shirt for him. Very slowly, and very gently.

"Here you go." She said, pulling the green shirt down from over his head, preventing him from hurting - or even from finding - the cuts across his back. Letting her hands brush against him, Kate let them linger there for a moment too long perhaps. "You ready to go? Do you think you can walk?" He nodded, letting Kate lead as they began their long trek back home.

Home.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three is ready! It has a rather abrupt end, but the next chapter was so long I had to cut it down in to two, but hopefully you will enjoy this anyway :)**

**Oh, and thank you to everyone who has reviewed and/or added this to their favorites - it really means a lot. I'm gonna be ambitious and try and break to 20 mark for reviews this chapter...**

**x**

**Jangsty**

* * *

"What the hell, doc!" Sawyer moaned, gripping Jack around the shoulders to steady him, while Kate turned around and stared in confusion.

"Sorry - wasn't looking where I was going."

He had to admit he wasn't really paying attention, just blindly following Kate's lead.

He'd been thinking about the vision - or the memory, whatever it had been, when suddenly a tree branch came flying out of nowhere and struck him across the face.

It hurt.

Jack had narrowed it down to a list of possible diagnosis. He might have amnesia, which would explain the missing pieces, or he could have post traumatic stress, which would explain -

_Alarm bells and a man, grey hair, dirty unkempt appearance and the foul smell of B.O,is standing over him. The bat comes down before he can see it, striking him once, twice..He watches as the man -why does he want to call him Tom? -raises the bat again but Jack's out before it comes down. _

- the flashbacks.

He shook it off.

It would also mean that whatever had happened to Jack while he was away must have been so traumatising that his brain had involuntarily blanked out the entire experience, but giving him little - little clips - piece by piece.

It was getting dark now, and they hadn't stopped walking all day. Jack yawned widely and rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted and the unexciting scenery and monotonous stepping pattern did nothing to help to keep him awake or alert. He yawned again, and this time Kate eyed him, ready to go in to doctor mode - ironically.

"Not much further now, Jack. It's just around the corner" She said for the sixth time that day (yes, he _had_ been counting) but he knew that this time they might actually be close, as he could see a great grey plumes rising over the tree tops just ahead. Was it their camp?

Sawyer ran past Jack and Kate, disappearing through the trees. Where was he going?

_Why was he leaving? _

_What was happening?_

Then Jack watched as Kate followed him, turning the clearing and leaving him standing alone in the foliage.

_Where were they going? _

_Why were they leaving him here?_

He looked around. All of a sudden the trees were alive, and they were moving too, beginning to close him in. He was powerless to stop it, his legs wouldn't move an inch. So he was forced to stand in the mud, his world spinning around his head. He couldn't remember which way Kate had gone, there was no exit. Trapped, he stood frozen, barely able to breathe.

_Then he's tied up in the jungle alone again. And he's cold, and scared. And alone_.

It's all too familiar.

And as before, Jack tried to call out for Kate but couldn't find his words. Then his chest gets tighter, and everything starts to move in slow motion - begins to shut down. He can't breathe.

_He can't breathe._

Clawing at the neck of his shirt, he tries to loosen the material, pull it away from his neck, stop it from suffocating him. But the material already droops down, laying gently against his sternum. Then why can't he breathe?

He was dying. That was certian. Reaching his arm out to grab the closest .. the closest something .. to steady himself, Jack tried to stop the inevitable.

_But he's still tied to the tree, and they're binding his wrists and ankles together so tight it hurts. He looks up and it's Tom again. The man with the club. And he's staring at him, and Tom's laughing but Jack wants to cry. He doesn't recognize where he is, and is confused as to why he's there. Then Tom brings out a syringe. And another man holds Jack's arm in place - Jack hates needles - then he feels the prick, and the liquid enter him. The pain subsides and peace, tranquility falls over him. But Jack doesn't want this. He needs to fight, he needs to stay alive - but his eyelids begin to fall, and the fight is too much - and when the blindfolds goes on, blocking out the setting sun, he's already out cold._

Jack was staring blindly, his hands locked securely into place around the necking of his shirt, his whole body stiff with fear. He looked too pale, he wasn't breathing well, and she made sure Saywer had a firm grip on Jack in case he passed out again.

Kate took Jacks face in her hands, trying to get him to look at her - to wake up. And then, as if brought back by her touch, he does. And she watches as he just stands there in front of her. Eyes wide, taking everything in, realizing he is safe. It only takes him an instant to realize what's happening and then his face crumples; and he throws himself on to her shoulder.

Kate stands there dumbly, slowly running her fingers up and down his strong back soothingly, throwing questioning glances as Sawyer. "It's alright," she whispers in his ear, raising her left hand and running it though his matted hair. "I'm not leaving you - I'm not going anywhere."

They only stand there for a moment, Kate continuing to awkwardly comfort Jack with Sawyer watching her curiously. "You have to calm down, Jack." She whispers. "We're home now, it's just - "

Jack cuts her off by abruptly pulling his head off her shoulder and beginning to walk towards the treeline purposefully, realizing just how sad and pathetic he looks in front of Kate. _Ugh_, and Sawyer. Angry and embarrassed, he leaves them standing alone. Jack cut through the trees, pushing leaves out his face and snapping branches just for the hell of it. Then he started to hear the waves lapping against the shoreline, and looking around and the clear blue ocean he feels calmed. Drawing his eyes to the left, he sees Sun sitting on the beach with Claire and Aaron, while Jin, Charlie and Hurley fish.

Jack smiled as he watched them, they were just the same. Nothing had changed. Maybe they didn't need him after all.

There were small, soft hands on his arms again, but this time he didn't jump. He knew it was Kate. "Your home." She whispered. "And you have no idea how much we've all missed you." He forced himself to smile.

They stood for a moment, watching Saywer run down the beach and tell Juliet that Jack was back. He saw her catch his eye and smile; beginning to run towards him - but Sawyer grabbed her arm to stop her. Whispering something, she nodded and they casually walked over trying not to draw attention. It didn't work. In a second, it seemed like all the other survivours had gathered around him, patting him on the back, asking questions, offering him water. All the faces began to blur in to one and he felt sick. He looked at Kate, he needed her to make them all go away; but she was talking to Charlie. Jack took Kates hand loosely, and knowingly, she stepped infront of him, telling the crowd he was going to be fine but needed to rest.

"Maybe Juliet should check him out," Charlie offered, he turned to Jack "Your looking a bit pale, mate."

Kate nodded worriedly, Sawyer did his best at dispersing the crowd and Juliet followed Jack and Kate to his tent to examine him.

Jack scuffed his feet along the sand, too tired to lift them. The sand landed in golden heaps on the top of his shoes. He felt dizzy and drunk. Not the overly-confident, no-shirt-no-worries drunk, but the type of drunk that makes you scared of what you might do.

He was finding it hard to remember what had happened even a few minutes before, and his eyes wouldn't focus properly on anything. His muscles hurt, it was like someone had grabbed his limbs and pulled until apart they couldn't pull anymore, and his stomach felt like it was on fire. He needed to know what they had injected him with, because it was obviously beginning to metabolize at a rapid rate.

He entered his tent and Kate and Juliet helped him sit down on his make-do mattress, constructed out of piles of old clothes and airline blankets. He was amazed they had kept it the same way he left it.

"..._ and look how skinny he's gotten.. lift your shirt up Jack_."

Kate was talking again, and pulling at his shirt. He let her, but he didn't move at all himself.

"Everyone has missed you and been so worried." Juliet said, running a hand up and down his arm "Can you remember what happened?"

Jack bowed his head to inspect himself. He didn't think he'd gotten _that _skinny... and no. He couldn't remember anything, and he wished people would stop asking. He didn't answer.

"Jack, do you feel alright?"

He stared at Juliet. She looked the same as she always had. She hadn't changed as much as Kate or Sawyer. "..'m fine." He muttered, and once again bowed his head, staring in to his lap.

Kate stood up and moved to sit behind Jack. "He has these cuts.." She whispered, making sure there was no way Jack could hear her. She lifted his shirt cautiously once again, and Juliet gasped.

Jack could feel her cold hands on his back and it made him uncomfortable. He didn't want to be touched, he wanted to tell her what was wrong with him - he needed to explain he had been drugged, but he couldn't find the words.

"They look like... cigarette burns." Juliet said, "And cuts from some kind of whip." She began to lift Jacks shirt over his head and he held it down.

"Why?" He asked, or at least, that's all Juliet understood. His words came out slow and slurred.

"Remember when I took out your appendix?" She asked while extracting his arms from the sleeves and lifting his shirt over his head. " And you wouldn't let me examine you - I said you wouldn't have a problem if you didn't have anything to hide."

Jack fiddled with his hands awkwardly. But _he was _sick then, and he knew it. He hated not knowing what they were going on about this time.

"You have a little cut and I want to make sure it's not infected, that's all - you don't need to worry."

Juliet opened the medical bag and found some antiseptic to rub on the wounds, all the while sending worried glances at Kate. Jack didn't move once. He kept his head bowed and eyes downcast, his hands now firmly clasped shut on his lap.

"Kate, maybe you should go and get Jack something to eat and drink." Juliet said, and Kate furrowed her brow in confusion; they both knew Jack would rather stay with her, but then she realized. "Oh, okay. I'll be right back Jack, I'm just outside." She said reassuringly before exiting the tent.

Juliet shifted so she was right in front of Jack, and looking his straight in the eye. "Jack, look at me. This is important."

It was her serious tone. He could tell that even through his lucidity.

"Do you remember anything that happened while you were with _them_?"

Jack considered lying, or rather - stretching the truth. Technically, he remembered something. He remembered being tied to the tree, and he remembered that Ben had been there. But he decided to be truthful, after all, Juliet had elected herself as his own private physician. He shook his head and tried to speak. "They put.. a needle.."

"Yeah, yeah I know.." She finished, cutting him off and turning his arm over revealing the yellowish purple bruise "But can you tell me _what_ was in the needle?

He shook his head pathetically. "Bit dizzy."

She nodded, explaining that she didn't want to give him anything in case it reacted with what was already in his system, but that he was probably fighting some kind of sedative.

Jack opened his mouth to speak, he knew he couldn't - not properly, anyway - but he needed to tell someone what he remembered in case he forgot again. "They.. a tree.. tied up.. on. I couldn't see."

"No one is going to let one of them come and take you again." Juliet whispered soothingly, "And we're going to find out what happened. If you need someone to talk to, or you remember anything - _anything _- you come and find me, okay?"

Jack just stared and nodded. Juliet wasn't sure he was listening or was even alert, but Kate was back with food and juice. "I'll leave you two alone, make sure he gets some sleep." She said and exited, giving Jack a genuine, yet worried smile.

"Here you go," Kate said, handing Jack a handful of crackers. He smiled and looked up at her,'_they always make me feel better' _- he remembered that at least. He reached for the juice, but Kate moved it away "In a minute - eat first."

He ate a few crackers and reached for the juice again, this time she gave in and let him have it. As soon as he had finished the small cup, he began to feel even worse than before. His eyes wouldn't stay open and his head felt twice it's normal weight.

Kate had crushed half a sleeping pill into his juice, not so much that it would make him sleep all day - just enough so he could actually rest, because he wasn't going to on his own accord. She'd done it before, so why not again? She quickly explained to him what was happening, while gently lowering his head on to an airline pillow.

"_Oh_." He said grumpily."I'm hungry, not tired."

"I'll go and get you some proper food now, an-"

"No," Jack whispered, "Don't leave me alone. Don't-"

His eyes closed and he fell asleep. She ran her hands through his longer hair. "I'm never leaving you again." She whispered.

The makeshift dharma food bar was less than ten feet from Jack's tent, and Kate knew he would probably want something other than crackers when he woke up from his nap. He had never really had the chance to take advantage of the dharma food stash, and scanning the boxes of oatmeal, instant pasta and cans of beans - Kate decided he would prefer any of this food to fish, coconuts or mangoes. She opened a white tin with the dharma logo on labeled "COOKIES", but to her surprise she found something much better. The container was stacked with apollo chocolate bars. She smiled to herself. Not only was chocolate delicious, Jack needed to keep his strength up. Perfect.

Kate pulled the blue tarpaulin back and entered the tent "_Hey, guess what I-" _

She froze.

Jack wasn't asleep anymore, it was like he was being electric shocked. His whole body was shaking uncontrollably, and as she knelt down to wake him, she was afraid to touch him. His back was arched and his hands were curled in to fists as his sides. She grabbed his face, caressing his cheeks in an attempt to wake him; but his eyes were rolled back in his head and his jaw was tightly locked.

Kate panicked, realizing she was wasting time by trying to help him herself, she bolted out of the tent and screamed for Juliet. It didn't take a second for Juliet to run in to the tent and kneel beside Jack - along with Sawyer, Sun and Hurley who all crowded around the door.

"Have you given him anything?" Juliet asked seriously, although she didn't seem as panicked at Kate was - or Hurley.

"No. No!" Kate said, stumbling, "Only sleeping pills - half a sleeping pill - I gave him one before, and he .. what's happening?"

"He's having a seizure. Sawyer, help me ..."

"What?" Kate screeched, pulling at Sawyers arm. He needed to stop this for her. He needed to make Jack better. "What do we do?"

"Turn him on his side and hope to god it stops."

* * *

**Please leave a review, they make me write faster,**

**I want to pass the 20 mark before I post a new chapter.**

**:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, thanks to all those who reviewed, I beat 20 and I'm rather happy about that :)**

**So this is chapter four. I cut one massive chapter into three parts of 3,000 words - so the next two should be up soon.**

* * *

It took a full three minute for Jack to stop shaking, even though it felt like much longer. After that his eyes - still glazed and wide - locked with Juliet. She told him not to speak, to lay his head down and try and rest. Although he looked confused Kate could tell he was far to tired to argue or even ask questions.

Kate watched Juliet lower her ear to Jack's mouth, listening to his breathing. His chest was rising and falling with obvious signs of life, but it all still felt like some kind of sick nightmare. Jack was finally brought back to her, after three long months. She should be able to rest easy, _he_ should be able to. But he was damaged. Sick. And they were still stuck on the island with no way to help him. She felt tears sting her eyes and threaten to fall down her face.

"Why did that just happen?" She whispered quietly, voice wavering.

"Can you bring me those sleeping pills you gave him?" Juliet said plainly, without even looking up from Jack.

"Why - he's -"

"Now. _Kate._"

Kate did what she was told, opening her backpack and tossing Juliet a small orange container.

Juliet screwed open the lid and shook a few tiny white pills into her hand, she sighed. "These aren't sleeping pills, Kate. They're oxycodine."

Kate froze.

Trying to explain, she grabbed the container from Juliet studying the contents and trying to see what Juliet was seeing. They _were_ sleeping pills. They had to be. "No, I found them in Jack's medical bag... he's had these pills before.. or, ones _like_ these.."

"The _sleeping pills _must have reacted with something they've given him." Juliet said, covering Jack with another blanket that Sawyer handed her, and pulling it up to his chin. He was still shivering even in his sleep.

"You say that.." Kate started weakly, "Like you aren't one of them - like you don't know exactly who did this."

Juliet stood up and turned to Kate.

"I'm not one of them anymore."

Kate sat leaning against the palm tree that grew through Jack's tent. She had sat there for an at least three hours - probably much longer, just watching Jack sleep and hoping to god he would wake up soon. Sawyer had joined her within the first twenty minutes of her sit-in and tried to amuse her with some snappy one liners and a few nicknames. Apparently the first thing he's done whe he got back to camp was catch up on the latest gossip. And _apparently_ 'Jabba' and 'Mr Miyagi' were going fishing later - just in case Kate wanted to join. While he was getting a little irritating, Kate was thankful for the company and at the very least it kept her from drowning in a heap of Jack-worry.

Sawyer was still talking, but Kates eyes were fixated on Jack. He squirmed uncomfortably in his bed, rapidly blinking his eyes against the light. He was awake.

She was at his side within an instant, abruptly cutting Sawyer off mid-sentence, to 'fuss over the doc' as he put it. Without sitting up, Jack reached to his side and grabbed the crackers she had left there, and began eat them. He didn't acknowledge Kate or Sawyers presence until after he had a cracker in his mouth.

Jack stared up at the roof of his tent. Afternoon light shone through the tarpaulin, causing the room to be bathed in a blue glow, and the shadows of the palm leaves swayed in the breeze above him. Jack smiled to himself, although he didn't let it play too obviously on his face. He could feel their eyes on him and didn't want them to know he felt well enough to be questioned yet again about his time with the Others.

Kate smiled as she helped him sit up slowly, and ofcourse, she started with the usual question - no matter what way she tried to word it.

_'are you okay?' _

_'do you feel alright?' _

_'how are you feeling, Jack?' _

Truthfully, he felt fine. Not drowsy or sick; fine.

"Jack, you had a seizure.." Kate explained "I gave you some sleeping pills - at least, I _thought_ they were sleeping pills - and you reacted, Juliet said..."

"Oh.." Jack said, scratching his head in comic confusion. "Well, that's impossible Kate, -"

He tried to find another explanation, but he cut himself off. Juliet was a good doctor and he wasn't about to disagree with her. Not again. It was _very possible._ He had no idea what they'd pumped into him, or what exactly Kate had drugged him with, so he accepted whatever she said. And he went back to"_Oh."_

Jack took up the crackers again and Kate watched him eat. Sawyer had left, and so they sat alone. Jack was itching to get up and take a walk around the camp. He was becoming increasingly aware of how long he had been gone by the frequenting memory flashes. He'd had another one the moment he had woken up. He was in a tank, kind of like the one they had kept him in the first time he, Kate and Sawyer were captured. But this one was different, there was no door - at least not one he could see- and it was light in there, bright white light shone from the ceiling. So bright he couldn't bring his eyes to look up. When he looked down he was dressed in his green t-shirt Dharma Initiative overalls.

To Jack's surprize, Kate encouraged Jack to take a walk around the camp and when he decided he would rather go on a bush walk she was more than willing to escorte him. She filled the water bottles and put them in her pack while Jack practically turned his tent upside down looking for a pair of sneakers that didn't have a hole in the left one, weren't soaking wet, or a size 6. It didn't take him that long to realise he was wearing perfectly suitable shoes already...

As they hiked into the jungle, Kate seemed excited about something and Jack couldn't figure out what. He knew she was taking him somewhere - he'd wanted to go left, but she made him stick to the right - but he had no idea what her game was. He'd given up asking the obvious "_Where are you taking me?"_ and he was admittedly a little worried. He wasn't really in the mood for surprises, let alone a _Kate_ surprise.

After another five minutes of walking he stopped.

"Kate, I don't like this. Tell me where you're taking me."

Kate smiled and took his hand playfully. "We're here." She said and pulled him though a thick clot of trees, exposing a beautiful waterfall leading into a secluded rivene.

"How did you find this place?" Jack asked, he'd never been here before.

"Sawyer and I found it the first week crashed." Kate explained, "I've always wanted to bring you out here but you were always so busy."

"I've ne-"

Jack pulled his eyes of the waterfall and gazed at Kate. She had stripped down to her underwear, thrown her clothes on to the rocks and was preparing to jump in to the water.

"Kate stop!" Jack cried, grabbing her arm and pulling her back. "You have no idea how deep the water is, besides, it's probably freezing - "

" - god Jack, loosen up."

With that, she pulled her arm out of his grasp and plunged into the water below. Jack cringed.

"_Kate_..." He said. She was such a... daredevil, for lack of a better word. Sometimes he wished he was more like her, and less like himself.

Then he realised she hadn't surfaced.

"Kate? Kate!" He yelled, panicking, staring at the still water. He couldn't see her. The water was far to murky and green...

"Kate? Oh my -"

"-BOO!" Kate screamed and jumped up behind him, throwing her wet body around his back.

Jack felt himself relax, heart still pounding though.

"Kate.. don't. ..do.. that." He pleaded, and she laughed.

"Well your all wet now so you might as well jump in with me."

He glared at her, a smile slowly spreading across his face.

"Is it warm?"

Kate nodded.

"You bet."

Jack pulled his shirt over his head and slipped his jeans off. He couldn't believe he was doing this.. he had things to do back at camp. Responcibilities. He had already left them all for three months, and that was three months without helping with the laundry, without fishing, without cooking...

Kate splashed him. She was back in the water below and impatiently waiting for him to join her.

Jack bent his knees and studied the water below.

"How deep is it?" He called out and Kate disappeared for a second, swimming down to the floor. She reappeared, flicking her dark hair back out of her face.

"About twice me, maybe a little less. Just dive in, Jack, you'll be _fine_."

Jack bent his knees further and leaned over the water, bringing his hands up over his head in an arrow. He knew Kate was laughing at him - even though she was _trying_ to hide it. In his defense, he hadn't actually done this in _years _and he was a little nervous. He didn't know why. He's been the first to jump in and save Boone - and this was a perfectly sedate waterfall not the shark infested Pacific Ocean. He threw all thoughts back and out of his head and dived. Or more, fell in the the water.

Kate was in hysterics. She grabbed him by the shoulders and swam around to look him in the eye.

"That.. was.._ terrible_, Jack.. you seriously need some diving lessons"

Yeah, it probably was. He grinned.

Kate swam around him again, and he followed her with his gaze.

"What are you doing?" He asked curiously, treading water and trying to stay afloat. He still had a hand firmly planted on the rocks, waiting to pull himself out when the still water came alive and tried to swallow him.

Kate stopped circling him when met with his arm, and gently lifting it from the rocks she moved towards him. It was almost seductive, Jack though, and as she got closer he started to panic. His heart was pounding in his throat and he felt himself tense when she put her hands on his shoulders. He felt her smooth fingertips dance over his skin and trail down to his waist, wrapping him in her embrace. He felt awkward. Oh, but Kate, she was enjoying this.

She pulled his body into hers and he shivered involuntarily.

"Kaaate.. what are you -"

She shut him up by slamming her lips over his and kissing him hard.

Jacks head buzzed in confusion. Kate.. liked him. Like, _liked him _liked him? What about Sawyer? Was he dreaming, was this -

He doesn't think about Kate anymore.

_His mind is dark. He sees a hallway -metal walls, concrete floor- illuminated by candlelight. There is a lime-green haze over the hall, and he's not sure where it's coming from. There is no doors or windows. And he's not alone. There is someone behind him and they're getting closer. So he starts to run. He runs as fast as he can, but he feels sluggish and slow. He lifts his arms and sees the tubes. Tubes entering his bulging veins and running down his arms down to the floor and connecting him to -_

_A machine. He's not in the hall anymore. He's in a hospital bed. His eyes can't adjust to the light but he can make out the white gown and feel the uncomfortable bed. The room smells clean. Too clean. And too 'white'. There's too much white. He looks down at himself. There is no white, there is only red. And the tubes are cut - his blood pouring out down his arms, turning the bedsheets red. The floor black. Darkness seeps into the light, and all he can think of is how much he wants white back._

_He's still on the hospital bed. Flat on his back and dazed. He's going down that familiar hallway, only this time there is doors and windows. And '_them'_. He can't make out faces - but he knows they are '_them'_. A short, spiky haired man with piercing blue eyes leans in closer..._

He can't see. Muddy green and black, panic and fear surround him. Someone has him by the shoulders and they are shaking him hard. _Screaming. _Jack tries to stand and realizes he can't reach the bottom, that he's in water and with Kate. It all comes back.

"_Jack!"_

It's Kate. She had somehow managed to lift his heavier body out of the water so he leans against her. Jack blinked his eyes open and found himself staring straight into Kate's brown hair stuck to her neck. She was smacking him hard on the back trying to revive him, and at the same time, attempting to swim to the side of the lagoon.

Jack shot up, nearly slamming his head into Kate's in the process. He felt himself fall back and once again become submerged into the water, flapping around and damn near drowning in the process. Realizing he really can't swim, Kate once again pulls him up and he forces himself to paddle back, trembling, into her arms. He can only rest his head against her shoulder again, unable to coax his arms into loosening the grip they have around her neck. She was rubbing his back gently and whispering to him but he didn't even notice. He could feel tears spilling down his face and humiliated, he knew he couldn't even disguise his fear. His chest was pounding hard against her own, and he knew for sure she could feel his arms shaking.

Kate had managed to pull both of them out of the water, and she helped Jack rest against the rocks. She was holding his t-shirt in front of him, trying to disguise her own worry and panic by getting him to dress.

"What.. happened?" He asked, although it came out in a choked, whiny sob. He rested his head in his hands - an attempt to sheild his eyes from her and Kate was forced to sit and watch him cry pathetically into shaky hands, and not knowing what the hell she was to do. Kate tried to reach out to him again, placing her fingertips against his arms but it only seemed to upset him further.

Kate pulled his hands away roughly, and began to thread his arms through his shirt. She was angry. Her face had changed, she looked stern and annoyed.

"It's okay" She said flatly, grabbing him around the waist and pulling his shirt down at the back, then letting his head fall against the rocks again. "You just fainted.. it's.. gonna be okay...come on, we better go back."

Jack sat in silence for a moment. He stared up at her, and caught the jeans that came flying across to him.

"Put them on, lets go."

Kate was already dressed, she opened her pack and threw him a bottle of water. It hit him hard squarely in the chest and bounced into his lap.

Kate lifted her pack high into the air and slammed it down on the rocks threatningly. Jack jumped and wrapped his hands tightly around the water bottle.

"Drink it!" She yelled, "I'm not having you _fainting _again, it's going to be dark soon and I'm not stopping!"

Jack still sat there dumbly. He didn't even so much as glance at the water bottle, he was too focused on watching Kate. Partially because he was confused by all this, but mostly because he was scared that any minute now she was going to attack him.

"For god's sake..." She muttered and knelt beside him, forcefully prying the bottle from his hands and opening it. "It's. Water." She said through clenched teeth "Drink. It. Now"

Jack did so obediently, and even then she still continued to yell at him.

_"You're not an baby, Jack, and I'm _not _your mother..."_

He started to block it out. Was she angry because he'd passed out... after she kissed him? He should probably apologize, but part of him was afraid of how angry she might get, and he didn't need people to be upset with him. Not now. So he redressed and cautiously handed her back the water bottle (which she snatched back and threw in her pack) and they began to walk back to camp.

* * *

**I promise Kate doesn't hate Jack, we'll find out what her problem is in the next chapter. Also, another appearance from Juliet...**

**Leave me a review! Any ideas/requests for new chapters?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi! Thank you to everyone who reviewed and/or added this to favourites :)**

**This is the fifth chapter. Hopefully it will explain why Kate was so _mean_ in the last one, and to some extent why she's being so forward with Jack...**

**x**

**Jangsty**

* * *

It was probably the longest walk Jack had been on. And it was too quiet, neither of them said a word. The quiet scared him. Not because it meant she was angry, but because it gave him the opportunity to brainstorm a thousand absurd reasons_ why _she was angry, and what she might do to him.

Of course, Jack knew she would never hurt him, not intentionally, but his head kept telling him otherwise. Was Kate really one of the Others? Had she kidnapped him, then pretended to find him just so she could bring him out here in the jungle again and kill him herself? No.. she probably would have already done it by now. Maybe they were all against him? Or maybe she was angry because he was being pathetic.

That was it. This was the second time that day he'd broken down in front of her and she was probably repulsed by it. It was hardly the way a 'real man' acted, and kissing him - and seeing how he reacted to it - was her way of giving him one last chance to redeem himself. Well he'd blown it.

He could see the clearing up ahead, and he let Kate walk on alone. He knew she had noticed that he'd disappeared, and he saw her look back at him almost worriedly. Then she increased her pace and was gone.

He was going to stay out of her way for a while, so slumped down against a tree, he let everything that had happened swirl around in his head and it seemed that the harder he tried to forget all of it - to make it stop - he only allowed for memories to flood in and haunt him. He didn't even think he could call them memories anymore, they were waking nightmares.

* * *

Kate went straight into her tent when she reached camp. She had come in through a thick patch of shrub, not the usual way - she was hiding. Everyone had known that she and Jack had gone for a walk together and she knew if they saw her return without him, it would only allow for too many questions that she didn't want to answer.

She knew she was being.. well, a bitch. She had completely given him the cold shoulder from the moment she'd pulled him out the lagoon, and he probably had no idea why. Truthfully, she wasn't mad at him at all. She was terrified for him.

She had kissed him, he had just collapsed in her arms, and had been sinking to the floor before she had even realized it. At first she thought he was having another seizure, and what the hell was she supposed to do? Out in the middle of the jungle, the only other doctor all the way back at camp, and barely able to keep his head above the surface? When she finally picked him up she discovered he had only fainted, and as irrational as it was, she had told herself he was faking it. Faking it to get away from her, attempting to pry himself off her lips.

She didn't know why she had gotten that angry though, only that it confused him (which was the last thing he needed right now) and that she _had _thrown that water bottle at him really hard...

Now all she could do was worry. She knew exactly where he was, or rather, where he had been last time she had seen him. Half an hour ago. What would happen if he passed out again? He was still so weak from all the drugs, or if he really did have another seizure? What if they came back for him? Oh god, and it was dark now. She hadn't even noticed.

Throwing on her pack, Kate dived through the shrub bushes again and ran back into the jungle. Luckily, she has always been an excellent tracker, and could make out her own footprints even in the low light. She quickened her pace and pushing away branches that got in her way, she reached the spot within only minutes. She couldn't see his footprints which was strange. Pacing the area slowly, she began to walk towards the waterfall. She could see three sets, his and her own heading out, and only hers returning. He had been with her.. hadn't he?

Kate was seriously beginning to doubt herself. _Of course _he was with her, but.. he hadn't been wearing shoes. She could visualize it now. She'd thrown him his jeans and he'd put on his shirt, but she remembered his boots laying in the rocks. Abandoned. How could he have forgotten his boots? All she could hear was her own voice, yelling at him to get a move on. Now she felt terrible.

Maybe he'd gone back to get them?

Pulling her pack off her back, Kate rustled through it and eventually found a small silver flashlight. She turned it on, and was sprinting ahead towards the lagoon in an instant. She cried out his name over and over again but she got no response, so she kept on running. She was so out of breath by the time she got to the lagoon that she thought she might collapse, she leaned forward and put her hands on her knees.

He wasn't there.

Kate shone the torch over the rocks. Sure enough, there lay Jack's boots. She picked them up one by one and put them in her pack. They were caked with mud and the left shoe had a giant hole in the bottom. She decided tomorrow she would make it her duty to find him some new ones.

Sitting down on the rocks, she took a few minutes to rest before she would have to walk all the way back to camp. She let the torch skim over the water and she blocked out the idea that Jack could have come back here long before her and drown himself in the water. She blocked that right out. Kate tried calling out his name again, several times while she sipped from the water bottle but she soon realized how useless that was as he was definately not here. She assured herself that he had walked back to camp and went straight into his tent, and that's why she hadn't seem him. Well she was going to check and see anyway, she set off back to camp.

* * *

When Kate arrived, the first thing she noticed was the outline of Jack's slouching shoulders illuminated only by the dying embers of the signal fire. He was staring down at his hands, turning them slowly and studying the various lines on his palms. He looked so sad. She watched him rub his eyes tiredly then return to staring back at his hands.

A figure approached him, tall, slender, female. Juliet. She put a hand on his shoulder and bent down slightly to hand him a cup. She was talking to him, but Kate had no idea what she was saying. Regardless, she watched them for a while anyway. Juliet had sat down next to Jack and had a hand on his back, she was staring intently at him and her head kept bobbing up and down almost comically as she tried to catch his gaze. Jack was still staring down in to his lap, but Kate saw his lips move slightly and Juliet inch her ear closer to him so she could actually hear. Kate realized he was probably telling Juliet about what she had done to him, and obviously Kate knew the other woman was not going to be thrilled. Kate reckoned it was because she had lived with them for so long, she must know what they were capable of and what Jack must be going through. Oh and _she_ was a _doctor._

They eventually decided to go to bed, and Juliet escorted Jack back to his tent. Kate took this chance to scurry back to her own tent before -

"Kate!"

It was Juliet -_she didn't have to turn around to know that much _- and she sounded slightly annoyed.

Kate spun around and faced her. Jack had already gone in to his tent so it was just the two of them, Juliet crossed her arms and slowly walked over to her.

"I need to talk to you about Jack." She said quietly, as if he may be listening, and beckoning her over to the seats around the fire, they sat down.

"What is it?" Kate asked, not even attempting to disguise her worry.

Juliet smiled sadly and began to explain.

"He's.. not well, Kate. Everything that happened to him while he was away, everything they did to him - he can't remember any of it, his brain is blocking it all out."

Kate nodded. She already knew that much. "Then how can he be afraid of something he can't remember?" She asked flatly.

Juliet looked over her shoulder at Jack's tent, again making sure he wasn't listening in. Taking a breath, she began to explain everything to Kate as simply as she could. "Because he's remembering select...pieces, small flashes of things that have happened.. but he's gets so terrified of these ..._flashes,_ that he just shuts down."

Kate blinked back tears. "Then how do we help him?"

Juliet narrowed her eyes. "By supporting him, Kate. By being_ sympathetic_. Not_ yelling _at him for no reason."

Kate stared down at her shoes, scuffing the sand.

"He told you about that, huh? Everything?" She asked, and Juliet nodded.

"He told me you kissed him."

Kate smiled slightly.

"Yeah.. I guess I did."

* * *

Jack twisted and turned in his bed for what seemed like the entire night. He couldn't shut his brain off, he couldn't make it just _stop_ thinking and let him fall asleep.

He was laying uncomfortably on an airline blanket and the more he tried to position himself so that he didn't have giant sand mounds stabbing him in the back, the more uncomfortable he got. Eventually, Jack accepted he wasn't going to get any sleep that night and stared out the flap of his tent at the open ocean. It only reminded him of the waterfall and Kate. Juliet had told him to give her some space, and time to accept everything. He didn't know what she meant by that. Surely she _was _pleased to have him back?

Rain had started to pour, falling on his makeshift tarpaulin roof. The wind howled, and shook the trees outside. He could hear the waves crashing against the side of the cliffs violently as a storm brewed.

It wasn't that he was scared of the..noises. They just made him nervous. Jack wanted nothing more than to creep into Kate's tent and ask to sleep on the floor in there. But she hadn't come to say goodnight, even though he had seen her come back in to camp when he was with Juliet, so obviously she was still angry at him. He didn't want another water bottle thrown at him, so he rolled himself into ball beneath the blankets and blocked out the sounds.

His tent was shaking. The poles were rattling and the corners of his blankets kept blowing off him with the wind. Jack knew he was psyching himself out by focusing on the rising storm, and not on relaxing and falling asleep, but he couldn't help wondering what he would do if _they_ came back for him now.

_He was alone in his tent, the storm was loud. He would scream and no one would be able to hear him.._

Jack suddenly felt a weight drop onto his back, and then dispense in freezing cold plumes across his bedding. He jumped up, hands balled into fist, anticipating attack, when he realised his roof had just collapsed and brought with it about a bucket full of rain water. He wasn't that wet, so he brought the blanket up and over his head and used it to shield himself from the rain.

Jack soon found he was using it to cover his eyes so that he didn't have to look out into the sea or the darkened jungle. He didn't want to see any pairs of big white, glowing eyes staring back at him. He felt exposed to the elements, to the rest or the camp -to _them_. He needed Kate.

It didn't necessarily have to be Kate, he could go and find Juliet. He was sure she wouldn't mind if he slept on her floor. He had his own blanket. And he didn't even need to sleep inside. He just didn't want to be alone.

Crawling to the edge of his tent, he found he still had some cover from a palm tree right above him. He sat up against it and peered out at all the other tents, trying to remember which one was Juliet's.. and which one was Kate's. He then realised why his roof as collapsed, someone had stolen the main framework he'd made for it. He could spot his makeshift creation at-top someone else's roof. He guessed Sawyers. Well at least that was one tent eliminated.

He knew Charlie and Claire were next to the dunes... and he remembered Sun and Jin were next to them. Slowly, he counted off all the survivors that remained in this part of the beach (Scott, Steve?, Neil.. they'd all just decided to migrate one day...) and he was eventually left with two tents. Two choices, Kate or Juliet. Avoiding the very juvenile _'eenie meenie_' games, he decided to run to the one that was closest to him.

Just then, thunder crashed from above and it began to rain harder than it had before. Hovering around his tent for a moment, Jack grabbed his blankets and sprinted down the beach to the first tent.

And it was Kate's tent.

He ducked inside to avoid the rain, but not so much that he was entering uninvited.

"Kate?" He whispered softly, watching her stir in her sleep, then abruptly sit up and stare into the darkness while her eyes adjusted.

Her tent was spacious. More so than his. Slightly musty, but warm and piled with old rags she's fashioned into blankets. Truthfully, Artz had it right when he had complained she'd gotten the best pieces of wreckage to build her tent with. Confusingly, Kate had two beds in her tent, both complete with Oceanic Airlines navy blue blankets and pillows.

"Jack..?" She asked sleepily, but she didn't sound annoyed. "What is it..?"

"I..my roof collapsed - the tarp fell down - I can't fix it right now... it's raining..." He stammered in response, unconsciously fiddling with his blanket.

"I was wondering if I could sleep here tonight...If your not too mad." He continued cautiously, backing away slightly so that he began to get hosed with rain water again.

Kate was up and out of bed instantly, and took him by the hands before he could protest.

"I'm not mad at you." She said sadly, "And I'm so sorry..."

Jack smiled sheepishly and allowed himself to be pulled further into the tent.

"_S'Okay_.." He muttered.

Kate brushed the hair back from her face and returned the sad smile.

"No, it's not." She said quietly, sincerely, shaking her head. "And of course you can stay here tonight."

Jack unravelled the blanket from around his shoulders and left it outside. Kate was already hunting through her bag for a flashlight, and when she recovered it she shone it on Jack's bed and showed him where to sleep. He crawled in to bed and let Kate adjust the pillow for him. She lent forward and kissed him on the forehead. It was a step down from the lips... but he could deal with that.

"I've been waiting for you, Jack." Kate said sadly, crouching on the floor next to him. "I set up this bed,.. so you'd have somewhere to sleep when you came back. People kept stealing the blankets and pillows out of your tent, so I ransacked theirs and brought it all in here. Your medical bags over there - and your clothes are over there..I didn't give up on you."

Jack fiddled with his hands uncomfortably. "Well.." He started, "If I could remember anything that happened to me, or anything I felt while I was gone. I'm sure.." He blushed, not sure whether or not to finish his thought, already anticipating his corniness.

"I'm sure the hope of seeing you again was the only thing that kept me alive."

A smile spread over Kate's face, and she reached out to run a hand through his damp black hair.

"We're gonna figure this out, Jack." She promised. "All of it. Just get some sleep okay? You look exhausted."

Jack nodded. Only now was he noticing how tired he really was.

"I love you." Kate whispered sincerely, as she helped Jack lay down, and she waited for him to say something back. He was already asleep.

* * *

**Comments? I love reviews :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! **

**Here is chapter six, finally. I have been swamped with school work lately that I haven't been able to write any fic, which sucks. Most of my time has been divided between a paper on the film '_The Piano'_ for English and one about '_Sacrifice and Prayer_' for Classical Studies. Chapter seven probably won't be up until next week either, but it will be longer (I promise!).. but I will write more ASAP! :)**

**x**

**Jangsty**

* * *

It was still pitch black when Jack woke up. Only, the storm had stopped and the ground was dry. He stretched his legs under the blanket and waited for his eyes to focus on his surroundings. He peered over at Kate, only he couldn't see her, instead being met with a Kate-shaped lump disguised under an Oceanic blanket. Realising he had probably woken up before any of the other survivors, Jack decided it was his turn to begin breakfast. Now that they had a dharma buffet table, he figured that shouldn't be too hard.

He decided to take another minute to stare out at the ocean. He could see something bobbing up and down in the surf, but he couldn't quite make it out. He strained his eyes, but the harder he tried to focus to more blurred and distorted the object became. Fascinated, he knew he must figure out what it was, so, throwing his bedclothes aside, he began to walk purposefully down the beach.

It looked kind of like an.. acorn. A big, floating _acorn_. Or maybe a pea pod. White and black dots bobbed up and down inside, like a mini boat. A mini boat full of people.

The ocean seemed miles away, and Jack began to jog. He was running and running but he wasn't getting anywhere. Gazing down at his feet, they were already submerged in water. In the ocean.

Jack looked up again. The object appeared before him, and he had been right. It was a boat, a very old rusty white one with a yellow trim. A rescue boat? But tragically, it didn't look like it was staying, it was speeding ahead, heading far out into the distance.

"Hey, hey!" Jack said weakly, his voice felt sore and came out surprisingly quiet. "Over here!"

The boat seemed to stop suddenly, turning it's lights on Jack was met with the brightest light he had ever seen, aimed straight at his eyes. Still, he wasn't going to miss his chance of getting rescued, so be began to run towards the boat. He splashed through the water and held his hands out, gripping the sides of the vessel as he reached it.

"Please, I'ma.. " He breathed, "I'm one of the survivors of Oceanic flight 815.."

But then he saw them.

Tom. Ben. Ten others just like them.

Jack froze in horror, his face one of absolute shock as he fell back in to the water.

Flat on his bottom, Jack began to flap around in the water, limbs flying everywhere as he hastily backed away from the boat, eyes still locked with Ben's. Managing to scramble to his feet, Jack put his hands up in defeat and tried to say something. Anything, that would make Ben go away and just _leave him alone_. Instantly, Jack felt a foot connect with his chest and he was down in the water again. Eyes staring up at the sky, at Ben who stood over him. He was so submerged, only the tip of his nose was able to poke out from beneath the watery layer, he felt his life slowly draining away and he panicked.

It was like some terrible nightmare. He didn't just see Ben anymore, in his minds eye he saw Kate standing over him, trying desperately to pull him out of from beneath the thick, muddy green layer of slime he was engulfed in.

Helplessly fighting Ben's all too-powerful hold on him, Jack's hands were pinned down so all he could do was kick his legs up in to thin air. His chest was getting tighter and tighter, his ears buzzing and eyes getting cloudy...

"You have to wake up." Ben said flatly, still pinning Jack down under water. Jack didn't know how he could hear him so well. But suddenly, Ben's voice changed, it wasn't his anymore. It wasn't even male.

_"Jack, you have to wake up.." _

Kate?

"_Jack! Please..you have to wake up.."_

Jack was laying flat on his back, arms curled tightly into his chest and eyes squeezed shut, face bright red and crumbled in pain. His body was static and completely still except for the terrified whispers he mumbled through clenched teeth, falling to her knees in a desperate attempt to help him, Kate could make out 'oceanic' and 'survivor'.

It was clear he was having some kind of nightmare and Kate knew she had to find someway to shake him out of it. Using all her strength, she gripped on to his shoulders and shook him forcefully, repeating his name over and over again. Waking up almost instantly, he arms flew up defensively, and fearing she was trying to hurt him, he began to fight against the arms that where only there to help.

"It's Kate!" She said reassuringly, "Come on, you have to calm down, now."

Quickly realising she really had no other option, Kate drew her hand up in the air and struck it hard against Jack's face, snapping him back into reality.

_Gasping for breath, Jack opened his eyes wide and rapidly searched the darkness for any signs of movement. He jumped in shock when someone began the speak his name, the same person who wouldn't stop pulling at his arms and who was holding him around the chest so tightly he thought his lungs might burst._

_He felt hot, sweaty and wet. Yet, he shivered and his teeth chattered with the cold. It was pitch black again, and he wasn't in the water or chasing the boat in the surf. He was with Ben though, and he could make out the dark outline of his spiky hair. It was the other man had his arms around Jack's chest, squeezing him until he swore he felt a rib break, and his lungs - unable to fill with oxygen - begin to fail. Jack squirmed, trying with everything he had to escape the death hold and call for Kate, but Ben was so unnaturally strong, and Jack was weak. And so cold. Then he feels something strike him. Hard, stinging. A sharp pain spreads over his right cheek and he doesn't see Ben anymore, only darkness._

He was on dry land. Wrapped up in the blankets Kate had lent him. It took his eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness and find Kate's hazy outline. It wasn't Ben's.

Somehow, she had managed to coax him into laying against her chest and he could feel her arms around him, and her head laying on top of his own gently. He could feel tears streaming down his face in a manor that could only remind him of the waterfall he'd been at earlier that day, and he quickly became very aware of how badly he was soaking the front of Kate's shirt and then, how hot the tears were against his freezing cold skin. Bringing his hand up to his chest experimentally, he lay it against the damp fabric. Slowly trailing his fingers down his abdomen and across his jeans, he found his whole body was soaking wet with a cold sweat.

Jack couldn't understand it. Ben, the boat - it had all seemed so real and_ felt _so real. He had only been back two days, and although he couldn't remember anything at all the terrifying visions and - _now the nightmares_ - must keep occurring for a reason, and they must be trying to tell him something. Reaching his hand up, he placed it tentatively on Kate's shoulder, eventually gripping the thin fabric that sat there beneath his fingertips.

His mind buzzed with questions, and like the visions, he had no way to stop the thoughts from clouding his mind. _What if the visions didn't stop? What would happen to the other survivors? What would they all think of him? What if Kate gave up on him - and there was no one? What then? It had only been two days and she had already left him out in the jungle alone. What would she do in a week? Two? _

Kate held her grip around Jack's chest, allowing him to hold her as tightly as he needed to. His breathing had been uneasy and lagging from the moment she woke him up, but it seemed to be worsening, coming out in short, shallow huffs that vibrated against her sternum.

"Deep breaths Jack," Kate whispers, keeping her voice gentle and calm, "You're alright, you're safe now."

But it didn't seem to calm him at all, and after another minute or so Kate decided she needed to go and get Juliet as she had no idea what to do. Prying Jack's hands away from her, Kate forced herself to ignore his pleas of not to leave him alone and ran down the beach and straight into Juliet's tent.

* * *

Kate was in tears herself when she returned with Juliet - and now Sawyer - in toe. Comforting Jack the best she could, he only fought against her and Juliet while they tried to get him to relax and breathe.

"Jack, look at me... _look at me_, breath with me, okay?."

Juliet was holding both of Jack's hands, and doing a very animated in-though-the-nose-out-through-the-mouth breathing routine for Jack to copy. Kate could only watch, reminded of the time Jack performed that same routine for Shannon. When he was their leader. _Before _he was taken.

Nearing delusion, Jack was trying to argue with Juliet for no reason. Or perhaps he was trying to explain what was happening to him. Either way, Juliet had taken hold of Jack by the shoulders now, and was repeating "_Your panicking Jack, there's nothing to worry about now." _and "_You're safe, I need for you to calm down." _

Jack seemed to berate himself into silence, surveying the room and realizing there were three people eying him intensely and were not going to leave him be until they thought he had calmed down. Yet, it was impossible to prevent the involuntary sobs that wracked his body and caused his teeth to chatter. Kate and Juliet watched him with sympathy, and Sawyer stood stiffly in the doorway.

"I think you need to talk to someone, Jack" Kate said softly, breaking the silence and causing Jack to hang his head in illogical shame. She looked to Juliet, begging her to say something. She was a _doctor_, and it was her _job _to fix Jack.

Juliet subtly nodded to Kate, although she didn't know what she was supposed to do. She had no idea what they had done to Jack and he clearly only wanted to be around Kate. Nevertheless, she lifted Jack's head gently so she could look him in the eyes. "You come talk to me, okay? Tomorrow?" She said, and Jack knew he had too. He needed to get over this so he could move on with life on the island and focus on building a relationship with Kate.

_Kate_.

He let himself smile at that, and rather reluctantly agreed to have _'impromptu therapy sessions'_ with Juliet. He watched Juliet leave and drag Sawyer along with her. Sawyer lingered back for a moment, and Jack could almost believe the other man was about to say something supportive. But not quite, and he left without giving so much as an understanding nod.

In Jack's opinion, Sawyer had seemed surprisingly troubled over Jack's situation, and he began to question whether or not Sawyer actually cared if he was dead or alive. But he passed up any positive thought as wishful thinking, trusting that rather, it was Sawyer's fear that a new leader might have to be chosen and the other survivors might start coming to _him_ for help.

Sawyer, instead choose to give Juliet the reassuring smile. He wouldn't admit it, but Jack was probably the best friend he'd had on the god forsaken island and the very thought that Jack could have been hurt or ever killed by _them_ made him furious. His fury wasn't even for Jack, really he guessed death would be an easy escape for anyone. And it wasn't for himself either - but for Kate. She loved Doc Fix-it more than she did anything else and he'd grown tired of her sad, mopey attitude and her constant _sitting_ and _staring _out to sea everyday since Jack had disappeared.

Sawyer looked back at Kate's tent. She was sitting next to Jack and fussing over him, like a typical women. But he smiled at that, at least.

* * *

Kate could see Sawyer watching her out of the corner of her eye, yet she ignored it, not knowing whether or not he was angry, jealous or simply concerned. She sat with Jack until Sawyer decided to go back into his tent, and then she led Jack to her bed.

It was early, Kate guessed no later than three in the morning, and she knew they could all fit another few hours of sleep in that night. So she waited until Jack gave in and let himself lay down on her bed, then she herself got in beside him.

Cradling his head against her chest, she pulled the blankets over both of her and Jack, leaving only the top of her head exposed. She could feel his right hand in hers, and realised he still hadn't let go yet. She questioned saying goodnight, but she decided against it - he clearly didn't want to talk. Instead, she simply squeezed his hand right back.

* * *

**In the next chapter we find out more about Jack's capture...**

**Please leave a review or a comment if your reading this :) High demand seriously makes me write faster, and it's kinda depressing seeing the hit-to-review ratio..**


	7. Chapter 7

_**This is the seventh chapter - finally. From here I'm going to try to post one chapter every week as long as people are still reading!**_

_**Hopefully you all like it.. :)**_

_**x**_

_**Jangsty**_

* * *

_"Ugh! Kate!"_

He had barely time to move out of the way before yet another mango fell from Kate's grasped and bounced off head, ten feet below. He put a hand to the back of his head, massaging it softly, and earned another quick glance from Kate, followed by a sigh.

_"Sorry Jack, but I did tell you to move out of the way. Here, catch this -"_

and she threw him another mango to add to the collection. Piled at his feet sat a mixture 26 mangoes, oranges and bananas. Yes, he'd counted them _all_.

It was Kate's turn to bring to food back to camp, and hoping to spend some alone time with her - and being the perfect gentleman - Jack offered to assist while she collected fruit.

Now he regretted it. He was covered in bruises, and he had no idea where he was. Since all the trees near the beach had been picked clean, they had decided to venture further into the jungle, in to previously undiscovered areas of the jungle. While Jack would be the first to admit the booty was impressive, he didn't like to think they might get lost all the way out her, besides, it was going to be dark soon.

"Maybe we should head back, I think we have enough here to keep scurvy away for another week at least.."

That smart comment, and lowly attempt at humour earned Jack a snicker from Kate, and she jumped down from the mango tree, handing him her small basket with a further three ripe mangoes.

"But I get hungry." She said, biting in to one and then offering it to Jack.

"No thanks. " He said grinning, she looked ridiculous with mango juice running down her chin a flash of the peel sticking to her teeth and he held in a laugh. "Not hungry."

Jack was stuck trudging along behind with the fruit, while Kate climbed any and every tree in search of even more food. In all honesty, it appeared she was enjoying the climbing far more than the prospect of returning with a full bag of food.

_"Hey, HEY! Not so high up!"_ He calling worriedly, watching Kate monkey her way up and over the branches and stick her head out from behind the leaves. She was at least thirty feet up - or, that's what it seemed like to Jack - and if she fell, well that would not be good.

"The best fruit's up here Jack!" She called, "The animals can't get to it."

Jack sighed, and once again massaged his temple, willing himself not to worry so much all the time. It would make him sick, he knew it. Besides, he was out in the jungle with Kate - and without Sawyer. And life on the island was good. As Hurley constantly pointed out, they didn't have to work 9-5's anymore, and they could sleep in late every morning. He smiled at that thought.

The jungle was calm and still. Jack could hear no sound except for the rustling Kate made in the branches of the trees. Forcing his eyes from her, Jack spied a long fallen log. He sat down and began to examine the fruit for any kind of imperfection, any worm wriggling out from under the broken skin or any big black bruise that would make his efforts to carry it back to camp useless. He had a reputation to uphold.

It was an odd feeling that came over him as the wind started to pick up. Like someone was watching him, waiting nearby and concealed by one of the many bushes that surrounded both himself and Kate. Curiously, Jack turned around slowly and peered deep into the jungle. He couldn't see anyone, and he told himself he was being stupid even bothering to look. He had lost count of how many times he'd found himself frozen on the spot, peering into the jungle and knife at the ready only to be met by Vincent.

Regardless, something didn't feel right this time. He pulled open his pack, beginning to fill it up with fruit. He decided to follow Kate closer to the tree as staying near the denser portion of the jungle was giving him unwanted and unneeded stress.

"_Jack!" _He heard Kate yell,

Standing up, he -

- felt a hard, blunt object connect with his head instantly. Only this time, it wasn't a fallen mango. Dizzy, and beginning to feel lightheaded, he turned to face his attacker. But his vision was hazy, he couldn't make the other person out.

_"Behind you!"_ But the words came too late.

Eyes frozen on Jack in horror, Kate felt her legs begin to move even before her mind was over the initial shock. It was as if she flew to the ground, missing branches and scratching her face, arms, legs in the process.

But he was gone. He had been taken by one of them and she could only spin on the spot, unsure of which way he left and desperately calling out his name. Praying silently for some kind of response. _Anything._

"Jack!" She screamed again, but it was to no use. So instead, she ran, and she didn't stop running until she damn near fainted. But it was the wrong direction, and even with her skills as a tracker, she could not find any trace he had ever been here -with her. There were no boot marks, no signs or struggle and no clues left by Jack.

But she didn't give up. Grasping her abdomen again, Kate set off in a sprint.

* * *

She gave up one day later, when she awoke on the ground remembering nothing more than the very sudden, and overwhelming dizziness that crept up on her -encased her entire being - before she woke up again. It was pitch black, and she felt numb. Numb with fear, and numb from the icy 3 a.m. cold that chilled her.

Wrapping her arms protectively around her body, Kate wished she had remembered to grab her pack before running off into the jungle blindly, she needed a torch as there was not way she had any hope of making out Jack-shaped boot marks with no light. She could only hope the rain held off for a few more hours, then at least she could resume searching at first light. But now, she needed to find a way back to the camp and get help.

Setting off again, Kate sprinted through the trees for what seemed like hours. The branches flew into her face, and she ran straight into a tree at one point but eventually she felt her boots sink into sand and knew she was home.

"Sawyer!" She screamed, spotting the man instantly. He was in his airplane chair with a very dog-eared copy of _'A Tale of Two Cities' _open in his hands.

"God, freckles.." He started, dropping the book and pulling his glasses from his face. "What the hell's wrong now? And where's doc?"

Kate paused for a moment to wipe away the blood that was flowing from her forehead and trailing into her eyes. But she only gave herself a moment. She needed Sawyer and a gun, and then she was going back out there.

"I'll explain on the way - get your gun - let's go."

"Now wait just a damn minute, freckles - " Sawyer tried, but she cut him off abruptly by snatching the front of his shirt and pulling herself close to him.

"They _took _him, James." she whispered dangerously, voice full of emotion. Fear "They took Jack. I need you to help me get him back."

Sawyer didn't hesitate again, he pulled a gun out of the waist band of his jeans and cocked it.

* * *

Kate raced through the jungle with Sawyer, torches and guns in hand as they leapt over tree stumps and dodged pine trees. She ran faster than she had before, tearing through the trees and destroying anything and everything in her path. It didn't matter how much she bled. And it didn't matter if she had to keep running forever, as long as she could find him. And he would be safe.

The light from Sawyers torch illuminated the ground before her and something caught her eye, causing her to stop suddenly and steady herself against a tree. At a first glance, it looked like a dark blue shrub in the distance, lumpy and uneven. But as she hesitantly neared the object, her blood ran cold and she felt the colour drain from her face.

It wasn't a shrub, but a blanket...

Then she stopped, freezing in fear at the sight before her. A dark blue oceanic blanket laying on the ground, concealing a large lump beneath it. A body. She could see a cold, lifeless, purple hand sticking out the side. Kate moved closer, hoping - and praying to a god she didn't believe in - that it wasn't Jack under there. Not Jack. Anyone but him. Anyone.

_Anyone._

She moved closer, and Sawyer passed her, realising this was his duty. Not hers. He grasped one of the corners beneath his fingertips, pausing for a moment and shooting Kate a sympathetic look - as if he already knew what was coming. Slowly, he peered under the corner, and Kate looked away.

There was no sound. No comfort. The air was thick, and cold, and lifeless. Just like his hand. Like Jack's hand. Jack's _dead _hand.

Kate felt tears well in her eyes, and she just knew it was him under there.

"_Live together, die alone..." _ His voice echoed through her brain and she pulled her hand across her forehead, wiping away sweat and giving her a momentary distraction from it all.

Then, through the corner of her eye, she saw Sawyer decidedly seized the blanket and roughly whip it off the body.

It wasn't Jack.

Instead, it was an older man than Jack. Late forties, early fifties maybe. He had lighter hair, and he wasn't nearly as tall as Jack. He was dressed in a pair of brown overalls sporting the 'Dharma Initiative' logo and insignia. But it wasn't Jack.

Kate felt an unexplainable feeling of relief wash over her. She wrapped her arms around Sawyers waist and let herself stay there for a while.

"It's not him." She whispered, feeling more than just a pang of guilt at her relief that this man was dead - and not her man. He was someones Jack after all.

"I know, freckles." Sawyer replied. "We'll find him and you tell him you love him, okay? I think he'll need ta know it."

Kate didn't say anything to that.

* * *

When she returned thirteen days later, with Sawyer and without Jack, she had barely eaten at all. Jack was probably dead, so what did it matter if she died too. News of his disappearance had spread around camp like wildfire, and everyone was plotting as to how they would get him back.

But Kate didn't plan anymore. She sat on the beach at the shoreline, all day and all night. Alone. Just like he was. She let the tide come in and wash over her. Hoping beyond all hope it would drag her out with it.

She'd given up all hope of finding him alive now. She'd failed him. She'd been too preoccupied with finding damn fruit and climbing trees than she hadn't been paying attention to just how far she was leading him out into the jungle, or how close they were getting to _'other'_ territory.

Kate could make out a darkened figure approaching her, Juliet. She had watched the other women and Sawyer talking all night, and although she couldn't hear anything they were saying she knew it was all about her. She couldn't miss the obvious glances and direct stares they'd both been sending her.

She came carrying water and a blanket. She carefully placed the blanket around Kate's shoulders and dropped the water in the sand next to her feet.

"If you're here to tell me Jack's going to be fine you can save your breath." Kate said plainly, emotionless. Eyes still fixated on the water, and not even bothering to look up at Juliet even for moment.

"No," Juliet started. "I'm not here to tell you that. I know he's going to be okay - but that's not why I'm here."

Now Kate was intrigued. She pulled her eyes from the ocean, and fixed them to Juliet's face. She needed something to stare at, she needed to be entertained - _to keep alert _- or she might fall asleep and she didn't deserve to sleep. Not while Jack was still out there, not while she knew he wasn't sleeping.

"Then why _are_ you here, Juliet?" She asked rudely.

"To ask you how long you think it would take to train an army."

Kate stared in confusion, then shook her head and turned away. These were Juliet's people, and she knew the survivors who only totalled forty-seven - _minus Jack _- were no match for 'the Others'. Especially as over half of them would refused to help. She had no idea how many of _'them' _there were, but given they had a hatch, weapons and a bi-monthly food drop she assumed there numbers totalled far more than forty-seven. Kate was about to point out the obvious, when Juliet continued speaking.

"We can't leave him there, Kate. You don't know what they're capable of." Then she paused, catching Kate's eye. "But I do."

Kate couldn't be bothered arguing. Of course she knew Jack needed saving, and slowly the realisation that sitting on the beach worrying for him, and feeling sorry for herself wasn't going to help him in the slightest. She couldn't let herself give up yet, because it meant Jack could give up on life too.

"Not an army." Kate said, compromising, and shaking her head slightly. "Me, you and Sawyer. No one else."

* * *

It had been seventy-eight days since he went missing.

Kate, Sawyer and Juliet had headed west to begin with, and found the place that Jack and Kate had been when he was taken. From there, Juliet used the best of her knowledge to try and work out in which direction the Other's camp was. After a week of wondering aimlessly through the jungle, not knowing where the hell they were going they gave up. Juliet returned to camp. With Jack gone, someone had to lead the other survivors, and be the doctor at camp in case anyone got sick. Considering Juliet wasn't really assisting Kate in finding Jack - as she couldn't even find the others village, Kate wasn't to upset with her departure.

Seventy-eight days. _78_. The number swam around in her head and the realization dawned on her that she had been searching for Jack longer than she had actually known him. But the fact only motivated her to find him, and even after seventy-eight days she hadn't given up hope. She was so focused on marching through the untamed bush that she nearly missed the muffled cries coming from her left, just behind the trees.

Sawyer must of heard it to because he froze - _static - _and spun around on his heel to face Kate. Then they ran, guns at the ready, as they jumped through the thick cover or branches. Tied to a tree, hands and feet bound and a blindfold pinned to his face, Kate found Jack.

She hovered for a moment, for some odd reason her feet refused to move.

Jack's head was bowed, downcast. He was shivering very noticeably and he was dressed in one of their shirts. But he was alive.

And she had found him.

* * *

**In the next chapter, Jack has his first 'therapy session' with Juliet, and Kate tries to teach him to relax...**

**Please leave a review :)**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hi! **_

_**IMPORTANT NOTICE: Just to clear up any confusion, last chapter was a flashback from Kate's POV. I think some people might have thought Jack was being kidnapped again ( I got many PM's) Sorry, I should have put the chapter in italics!**_

_**Anyway, this is chapter eight, by my standards it's considerably longer than 1 - 7. Hope you all like it, please leave a review!**_

_**x**_

_**Jangsty**_

* * *

Kate awoke the next morning to find sunlight burning her eyes through the holes in the roof of her tent. She kept her eyes closed for a while longer, smiling to herself as she realised this was another day she didn't have to spend sprinting through the jungle for hours in search of Jack. She could feel his warm body to her left and hear the rising and falling of his chest. His arm was still laying loosely around her middle and his face was pressed up against her left arm, and even though she was sure he was drooling on her, it didn't matter. As long as she had him with her - and he was breathing - everything was fine.

Eventually Kate opened her eyes wide and turned to look at Jack. It was late, probably about nine in the morning, but Jack was still fast asleep. It was strange for him not to be up and doing something by this time, but since Kate had no idea what time he had fallen back to sleep the night before, she knew his exhaustion was completely justified.

She couldn't help but stare at him for a moment, smiling to herself. He was so cute when he was asleep. His hair was a mess and his mouth was slightly open, he looked peaceful. Calm. There was no sign of any kind of nightmare or distress. Thankfully, that was gone now.

Carefully sliding out from under his arm, she replaced her body with a pillow and pulled the blankets back up over his shoulders. Jack didn't so much as blink an eye, even as Kate gently lifted his head on to the pillow she had been using.

Creeping out of the tent and breathing in the fresh, morning sea air, Kate stretched her arms wide. Sighing, she walked over to the 'kitchen' and helped herself to a handful of dried cereal from the Dharma buffet table. She then took up the familiar spot on the shoreline and watched the ocean for a while.

She could see the dark shadow of a fish swimming in the surf, and, panning her eyes to the right, she saw Jin, Charlie and Hurley following it with fishing poles. Jin also had a net, and was attempting to enclose the fish when Hurley yelled '_Jump on it_!' so loudly it got spooked and swam away. Jin responded by yelling something back in Korean, which shut Hurley right up with a quiet '_Sorry dude..'_

Juliet and Sawyer were fixing their tent that had been destroyed by the storm, and when they spotted Kate, they took a break to wave and then began to whisper amongst themselves. Kate knew it must be about Jack, but they were too far away for her to hear any of it. Glancing back at her tent, her eyes met Jack emerging from the flaps.

"Good morning!" She called, giving him a small smile and beckoning him over with her hand. He smiled goofily and looked around the beach before moving towards her and sitting down. They both stared out at the ocean, watching Jin and Hurley break the translation barrier by yelling at each other.

"Sleep well?" Kate asked, before realising that might have been a little insensitive.

"Eventually." He whispered, and Kate wasn't sure if he'd really intended for her to hear that remark or not. Catching his eyes, she stared at him intensely. Full of pity. Jack hated it.

"Really, it's nothing," he explained, running his fingertips through the sand beneath him and purposely avoiding her gaze. "Just.. dreams... It's fine."

He took a breath, moving his hands from the sand and up to his head, then ruffling up his hair with a half-stifled yawn. He didn't want to think about anything that had happened last night, but everything came flooding into his head as he slowly began to wake up. He figured he should at least apologize, Kate looked as tired as he felt and he knew it was his fault for keeping her up.

"Kate," he began, "..about last night - I'm really sorry - I didn't mean to.. and I can't even remember most of it.."

"You don't need to apologize, Jack. You can't help any of this and none of it's your fault." Kate said truthfully, placing a hand against the back of his neck and feeling the layers of cold sweat still present there. He nodded and she caught a smile playing on his lips for a second, but it didn't last.

Kate wanted so badly to get him to relax, to unwind and have some fun. But what was there to do on the island, that didn't involve leaving the campsite? She definitely wasn't going to let him get kidnapped again. Eying him, Kate found Jack was still dressed in dirty, faded and ripped clothing, and even though he'd been for a swim the previous day, he was still just generally greasy looking. Understandably, the issue of hygiene had been forgotten amongst everything else that was happening, but Kate thought that even the mundane task of washing his clothes and taking a bath in the ocean would at least take his mind of everything.

"How about we go for another swim and get you cleaned up?" Kate suggested, gesturing towards the wide open ocean, then to his faded shirt, but Jack shook his head with hesitancy.

"You know I can't swim." He replied, "and there's too many people here -I think I've already embarrassed myself enough this week."

"Not here, over there." Kate smirked, pointing down the beach to the right, out of the way of everyone else. Far enough so they could be alone, but close enough so Juliet was at hand encase they needed her.

Just as Jack was about to open his mouth in protest - he really didn't want to go swimming at _all _- Kate pulled him up by the hand and began to walk down the beach, expecting him to follow.

She made her way to the kitchen area and grabbed an Apollo bar, handing it to him and making a comment about how skinny he'd gotten, then she carried on down the beach. Clearly, she'd already made up her mind what they were going to do that morning and Jack knew he really had no right to protest. She'd sacrificed so much for him, hell, she'd even given up her bed so he would have somewhere to sleep. So Jack followed her, forcing his legs to move forward even though his head yelled out in protest. He didn't know why, but even the thought of being in the ocean made his heart pound and his blood run cold. He didn't want to be anywhere near it. But he knew he had to. For Kate at least.

"You coming?" Kate chimed from the ocean, and to Jack's surprise, she'd already swam out to her waist, he hadn't even noticed.

Jack removed his socks and rolled up the legs of his jeans. Kate was telling him to strip down, but he easily ignored that and hesitantly stepped into the ocean.

_Everything was blurry, like someone had turned on a smoke machine right in front of his eyes. Kate was fifteen feet away, holding out her hand to him and beckoning him forward. But instantly, she was replaced by another woman. Younger, not really a women yet - a girl. She had the same dark hair and heartbreaking, knowing eyes but she was wearing one of their beige jumpsuits._

_"Run!" She screamed, waving her hands in the air to get Jack's attention. "My dad's coming, you have to get out of here! Can't you hear me? - Go!"_

_Jack stood in shock, transfixed by the motion of her hands flying up and down, and unable to bring himself to turn around and find the man that was coming for him. His mind was malfunctioning, the figure before him flashed between the young girl and Kate and he was unable to tell who it really was. He bowed his head, blocking out all the yelling and focusing on the ocean gently lapping against his exposed ankles._

_The ocean was clean and blue. But as Jack stared, a thin, trail of scarlet began to bleed into the blue. Confused, Jack let it cover his feet and stain the cuffs of his trouser legs, before he followed it with his eyes, and found where it came from._

_On the horizon line, past Kate - or whoever - lay a crumbled body, then as he panned his eyes to the left, ten bodies. Twenty. All wearing the same Dharma Initiative overalls, ripped and bloodied. Missing limbs, one with a missing head. It all felt to familiar, and Jack felt sick to his stomach. Falling forward, his hands and knees connected with the water and he dry heaved twice, bringing his hand to his lips - he found only blood._

_His head was throbbing, clips - memories? - of men, women, children being gunned down flooded in and played out on his closed eyelids. Then a loud noise, like a bomb going off rang in his ears and made his whole body shake with fear. His arms collapsed under him and he fell face first into the water. _

_Hands were on his head, holding his face in the water and trying to drown him. Jack flapped his arms around and kicked his legs, and he felt his right foot connect with something hard, or _someone _hard. He managed to clamber to his feet and reach the shore. As soon as he felt the sand beneath his feet and the cold chill against his skin that only the sudden absence of water could bring, be felt much better. Warm relief flooded into his lungs and everything else disappeared as he dropped down to his knees._

Kate was to his left, arms flying up and down his body and leaning over him worriedly.

"It's _alright -_ there's nothing out there Jack, come back in the water." She said softly, she really didn't get it.

Grabbing her arms and throwing them off him, he stood up and backed away.

"_Stop pushing me!" _He yelled, again, breaking from her grasp while she tried to embrace him. "I can't do it Kate," He explained, not succeeding at keeping his voice calm at all, "Not anymore.."

"Jack, listen -"

"_LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" _Jack yelled, cutting Kate off, and turning on his heel, he focused on his tent in the distance. He was going to go and fix it. Take his mind off everything. Give him something to do.

Kate, however, had other ideas and she grabbed his hand with a death grip.

"No," she said, pulling herself into Jack's body so closely her face was only inches apart from his. "I'm not leaving you alone. God Jack, do you have any idea what it's been like around here since they took you? Do you know how many weeks we spent searching every inch of the jungle trying to find you? I never gave up on you, and I'm not going to start now."

Jack avoided Kate's eyes. His own were already burning with unshed tears and he knew if he looked at her they were going to start falling down his face uncontrollably.

"I know you're scared Jack, I can see that- and I'm scared for you," Kate continued, still trying to meet his eyes and eventually succeeding, taking hold of his face and bringing it to meet hers. "But you can't just avoid this, we're all trying to help you. Juliet's there for you when you want to talk and I'm here too. You have to start facing this if you want to remember anything -"

"What if I don't want to know, what if -" Jack whispered, but Kate clearly wasn't going to take that as an excuse.

"Well, then your not going to get better, and I saved you for nothing." Kate said viciously- she didn't mean that at all. It all came out wrong, and she watched Jacks face physically crumple and he nodded, looking down at the ground. There was a pause, tension so high it could be cut with a knife.

"I didn't mean that," Kate explained, "I just meant that I really want you to get better, okay?"

Jack shook his head, keeping his face hidden behind a hand that was massaging his forehead.

"No, no you're right. I'a.. I have to go.."

He turned away from Kate, beginning to walk purposefully up the beach towards his tent. He left her standing alone, confused and upset. Jack could hear her screaming his name, but she knew better than to follow him. Moments later, Jack disappeared behind a group of trees. Looking behind him, he couldn't see Kate anymore. Instead, he was met with a line of pines. He shook his head roughly and carried on heading straight. As he neared the camp, he saw Rose sitting outside her tent surrounded by a pile of freshly washed clothes. Jack figured he should at least offer to help her, since he'd been away so long - abandoning washing, and many other activities as well. His tent could wait until later, he didn't really want to be alone with his thoughts anyway. As he approached, he could see that Claire and little Aaron were also with Rose.

Claire was hanging up the washing while Aaron was biting on a twig. Jack couldn't believe how big he'd gotten, and in seeing Aaron, he realized just how long he'd been gone. He sighed, thinking again of Kate. She confused him. She kissed him, she comforted him when he was afraid, but she also yelled at him, threw things and told him there was no point saving him. Hopefully he could find Juliet soon, and she could sort everything out.

"Hey Rose, Claire." Jack greeted, forcing a smile and waving. They smiled back, and allowed him to sit down and help them fold clothes.

Aaron stared at Jack and smiled a wide, gummy grin, and Jack reached over to tickle him under the chin.

"So how have you been, Jack?" Rose asked, taking the pile of folded laundry from Jacks hands and putting it inside her tent.

"I don't really remember anything that happened, only a few clips here and there so I guess I'm alright." Jack replied pessimistically, and as soon as the words left his mouth, he realized she wasn't asking about his time with the 'others', she was just being friendly. He blushed crimson and Claire smiled at him, changing the subject.

"Aaron's been fussy all morning," She said, pulling the twig out of his mouth and giving him a knotted rag instead. It was much more hygienic. "Do you mind looking at him?"

Jack nodded, lifting Aaron into his arms and examining his tiny body.

"He looks healthy to me," Jack explained, "It's probably the heat, but if he starts getting worse, talk to Juliet. She's the _baby doctor_."

There was short silence. Jack wanted to ask if either of them had seen Juliet around. She wasn't fixing her tent with Sawyer anymore, and he was sitting in his airplane chair reading a book. Only, he didn't want Rose or Claire to know he was looking for her, because then it would be obvious he had problems that he needed her to fix. He was their leader, and they had to know he was competent and that he hadn't been affected by anything they had done to him.

"Oh, Juliet was looking for you this morning." Rose said, stealing Jack's thoughts. "She's over by Sun and Jin's tent."

Jack searched around with his eyes, and he found Juliet, sitting outside Sun's tent with a notepad and pencil. Kate was standing over her, running her hands through her hair worriedly and Jack knew exactly what she must be saying. As far as Jack knew, it was his responsibility to find Juliet and tell her about these things that happened - not Kate's. Nonetheless, he waited until Kate departed, then walked over and sat down next to Juliet.

"I had a fight with Kate." Jack said plainly, trying to peer over and see what she had written on her notepad, but she closed it to quickly.

"I know." Juliet replied, "Kate's just worried about you, Jack. She just wants you to get better."

"I'm not _sick!" _Jack barked, but then he fell silent and ran his hands over his face. He tried again.

"That's why I'm here." he said sarcastically, almost laughing, but his smile turned to seriousness in an instant as he thought of Kate and realized how completely selfish he was being. He remembered how terrified he had been, tied to a tree in the middle of the jungle, freezing cold and having no way to save himself. Then she had saved him, damn near killing herself in the process, spending everyday racing through the jungle, through unknown territories in search of him. She hadn't given up, and now, refusing to help himself, he had. Talking to Juliet, reliving everything, that was easy compared to everything she'd been through. She was the one that spent seventy-eight days not knowing. He couldn't even remember anything.

If he had any hope of a future with Kate, he could at least respect her enough to help himself.

Turning to Juliet, Jack took a moment to figure out what he was going to say. It was hard for him to ask for help, even though he knew he needed it.

"Please." He whispered, gripping Juliet's arm and coercing his eyes into looking at her even though it made him feel uncomfortable. Vulnerable. "Help me, Juliet. _Please_."

* * *

Jack was laying down on the sand, his back completely straight and hands by his sides. He was sceptical. He didn't think any kind of meditation or hypnotism was going to help him in the slightest, especially conducted by Juliet, who to his knowledge had no experience in this field. But, he let her try and kept an open mind. He needed Kate, and therefore he had to work through everything the best he could. Juliet had taken him inside her tent and let him lay down on the ground. She'd offered him her bed, but Jack felt more comfortable on the floor- as he didn't think it would be so imposing.

"Just relax, Jack, and clear your mind." Juliet said softly, opening her notepad and leaning up against her bed.

"Wait!" Jack cried, sitting up quickly, "If I start.. freaking out or something, wake me up okay?"

Juliet nodded, pushing him back down by the shoulders and assuring him that _'of course she would' _and telling him yet again, just to relax. She left him laying in silence for thirty seconds, and when Jack peeked his eye open to see what was taking so long, he got another scolding. But, eventually, he was able to block everything out and relax.

"Visualize a bright wide light, flooding in through your eyes," Juliet started, watching the steady rise and fall of Jack's chest in his semi-conscious state. "See it push out all the stress and negativity you're feeling."

As Jack followed her instructions, he visibly relaxed, his shoulders moved from being tightly squeezed up by his neck, to sinking into the sand. Juliet continued to speak, her words lost on deaf ears. Or maybe he was listening subconsciously? Jack felt like he was being pulled in to a peaceful, and very appetizing dreamland. Even when he forced himself to think about the Others, or his visions, he still felt relaxed and carefree. Maybe he was just extremely tired and he was teetering on the edge of sleep, or maybe this really was working.

He began to take notice of Juliet's voice when he realised she was repeating the same words over and over again, as if she was waiting for him to tune back in.

"Picture yourself the day Kate found you. Where are you, Jack?"

Jack pried apart his chapped lips, voice breaking and coming out very pitchy, but he didn't seem to notice.

"In the jungle. There's a tree.. I'm tied to it."

"Good," Juliet continued, "How do you feel?"

"Cold," Jack stuttered. "Wet. Scared.."

"Why do you feel like that, Jack?" Asked Juliet, trying to keep her tone as warm as possible and her voice soft. She'd read a book on psychology once, and it had said this was important to build a connection with the patient, make them trust you. She also decided to purposefully use his name whenever she asked him a question. She figured it might help him relax, she was sure she'd read that somewhere too.

"They left me here.." Jack whined, "there's no one else here.."

"Okay, and who tied you to the tree, who left you out there, Jack?"

"I don't know who he was -"

"It's okay, relax Jack." Juliet said quickly, sensing his distress, cutting him off and leaving him for a few moments. It didn't matter if Jack didn't know there names, surely Juliet would if he could just describe them to her.

"What did he look like?"

Jack screwed up his face, Juliet could tell he was trying to work out who the man was -impress her, but all she needed was his appearance. She tried to help him along.

"Was he tall?"

"Not taller than me, but bigger." Jack said, shaking his head. "He had grey hair.. and a beard. But it wasn't real."

Juliet paused, assessing Jack's state. She knew exactly who he was remembering, Tom Friendly, most likely acting on the orders of Benjamin Linus. Juliet didn't know whether or not to blatantly ask Jack if the mans name was Tom. Even if he didn't remember right now, hearing the name could trigger something. It could also upset him if the memories were too bad, but she supposed that's what they were here to do - trigger memories.

"Was his name Tom, Jack?"

Jack creased his brow, lips trembling as he nodded.

"Okay, " Juliet said, soothingly, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him. If she did, it might pull him out of semi-consciousness suddenly, which would not be good for his head. His lips were still trembling, and she noticed sweat was beginning to pour from his forehead. She had no idea what he was seeing behind his closed eyes, but when he started throwing his head from side to side, and sobbing involuntarily, she knew it was time to bring him out of it.

"Hey!" Juliet cried, grabbing his shoulders and shaking them gently, "Wake up now, come on."

Jack sat up, and for a moment Juliet thought he was alright. He was gazing around the tent, eyes jumping from one place to another and then he found Juliet and watched her closely, mouth slightly ajar.

"Did you remember something?" She asked, taking his hand in hers and trying to work out what he was looking at. He had began to squeeze her hand tightly, and with his other hand, he had gripped on to his t-shirt and was trying to rip it off. Twice he tried to say the name 'Tom', but he couldn't quite manage it, as a surge of overwhelming panic washed over him.

"You're safe now," Juliet said, putting down the notepad and using her free hand to reach up and wipe the sweat from his face with the cuff of her t-shirt. It didn't seem to comfort him, and she found he was visibly shaking, - now grabbing his throat with both hands like he couldn't breath. He was clearly having a panic attack, and luckily, Juliet had better experience in dealing with these than she did at being a therapist.

She held his head down towards the ground, and helped him breath. His face was a pale, deathly palor and his skin was too warm to touch. She opened her water bottle and tipped some on the first rag she found - an old pillow case - and used it to cool him down, placing it on the back of his neck.

Eventually, Jack felt the pressure on his lungs and the pins-and-needles feeling subside. He became aware of his hyperventilating and willed himself to calm down.

"Here you go." Juliet whispered softly, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders and rubbing his arms up and down. His temperature had suddenly plummetted, and given that he was already soaking wet from his experience with the ocean, she knew he was in desperate need of a change of clothes and a warm blanket.

"I think it's the ocean." Jack panted, breaking the silence. "Whenever I have a, a vision, it's always about the ocean. Or water of some sort. When Kate and I went to the lagoon yesterday, I had all these flashes of 'them, you know? Then I passed out. And this morning I only put a foot in the ocean and I started to panic."

Juliet didn't know what to say to that, but she thought the best way to go about helping him was to teach him how to deal with his fear. They were on an island, surrounded by the ocean. _By water of some sort_. She couldn't really remove him from the situation, so the only thing she could do was teach him how to cope.

"We don't know what they did to you, Jack." She explained, "But we know they gave you back to us because they'd finished with you - and there's nothing that can harm you on this beach now - _or_ in the ocean."

Jack nodded, he supposed she was right. They wouldn't have left him in the jungle if they'd still wanted him.

Juliet carried on explaining reasons why Jack was safe at camp, and why his fear of the ocean wasn't justified. Although she was trying to make him feel better, and heal him, it just made him feel stupid and embarrassed. He was a grown man terrified of the water, so much so, that even thinking about it made his heart start to race again. Jack figured, Juliet must already think he was pathetic, so why not just tell her everything he knew.

As soon as she stopped talking, Jack began to tell her that he'd seen so much more than just Tom and Ben. He'd seen himself in a room, like a tank with water all over the ground. He was alone, speaking to a disembodied voice though a two-way-mirror. The man was telling him something. Something about the Dharma Initiative, about his duty and about going home. Not back to camp, but off the island. He could hear his own voice, and he was laughing. Not a real laugh, a humourless, sarcastic and unsure laugh. Then the voice says something else, something about the others on the island, and the best way to _'save them all'. _That was all he saw, and as confusing and somewhat criptic as it was, it was a start.

"These memories, Jack," Juliet started calmly, Jack looked pale and sickly and she didn't want to spook him anymore than she already had. "I think water is your trigger, and the best way to unlock everything is to continue your therapy sessions with me, okay?"

Jack agreed, he decided that Juliet - _and probably Kate_ - knew what was best for him so he might as well just give in.

"And give yourself a break Jack," She continued, "You can't force yourself to remember things, so just relax. It'll come."

* * *

After his therapy session with Juliet, Jack decided to take a walk down the beach. He stayed far away from the waters edge, and chose instead, to walk near the tree line. He wasn't really focused on anything around him, and was so lost in thought that when his foot caught on something and he fell face forward into the sand, he had to scour the sand looking for what it could have been.

Running his hands through the soft sand, Jack's hands connected with a very thin, black cable leading deep in to the jungle. Although every fibre of his being yelled out to stay away, to stand up, sprint back to the beach camp and tell nobody of what he had found, natural curiousity got the best of him. Juliet's words lingered in his mind _"__they gave you back to us because they'd finished with you"_ and he told himself nothing would hurt him. Mind impassive, Jack grasped the cable tightly in his hand and stepped forward in to the jungle...

* * *

_**Hope you liked it! **_

_**Now I'm not trying to sound ungrateful, but please, if you add my story to alerts/favorites, leave a review. It's kind of disheartening to get ten reviews a chapter and then twenty adds. :( Especially because this chapter took me AGES to get right.**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Hi guys, thank you for the reviews :)**_

_**Here is chapter nine, hopefully it's been worth the wait! (I'm getting stuck in to chapter ten right now as it's so fun to write!)**_

_**x**_

_**Jangsty**_

* * *

Kate spent the afternoon wondering where Jack had disappeared to. She had spoken to Juliet, and tried to inquire about his first therapy session only to be told that it was private and confidential, and if Jack didn't want to tell her she wasn't going to know. However, Juliet did ease her worry by saying "_It went well_," which was really all Kate needed to know anyway.

Sawyer was still sitting at the waters edge, sprawled out on his airplane chair reading a book, and wearing his make-shift glasses. As Kate approached, he smiled a dimpled grin and pulled them from his face.

"Well hello there, freckles." He smirked, gesturing for her to sit, and she did. Flopping down beside him with the same worried, mopey expression Sawyer had gotten used to over the past five weeks or so.

"What's wrong with Jack now.." He asked, barely looking up from his book.

"I don't know where he is." Kate admitted, she'd lost him again, somewhere amongst the other survivours.

"Checked his tent?"

"Yes.."

"Checked Juliet's?"

"Yes.. and she hasn't seen him since this morning..."

"The caves?"

"He wouldn't leave the camp without telling someone, Sawyer.." Kate replied dryly, but she wasn't too sure. Where else could he have gone apart from in to the jungle?

"Well I don't know, freckles, maybe he's in the can..?" Sawyer said, mirroring her tone and shutting his book roughly. Clearly, Kate wasn't going to leave him alone until they located Jack, and brought him back home.

"Maybe he went for a swim..?" He tried again, and Kate instantly stood up, bringing her hand to her forehead like a visor and peering out at the ocean. Disheartened, she sat back down, arms folded.

"No." She said, shaking her head sadly, "He can't swim."

There was a brief silence, and Kate stared at Sawyer. He wasn't as worried as she was, and he had already gone back to reading his book. Kate tilted the cover to see what was so interesting.

"Of Mice and Men," Sawyer explained, "You'd hate it."

"Goodbye Sawyer.." Kate said sarcastically, and as he looked up, he saw she was already on her feet and heading towards Sun and Jin's tent.

"_Hey Kate_!" He yelled, and she turned.

_"What?"_

"Don't worry about it - he'll turn up, he's a grown man - he can look after himself."

"Yeah," Kate agreed, "I'm not so sure."

But her last words were lost on deaf ears.

* * *

Jack swapped the cable from his right hand to his left, wiping the sweat that pooled there on to the front of his shirt. He had only taken a few steps into the jungle but already, he was beginning to loose his nerve.

He wished he had a gun, or some kind of weapon that he could use if need be. Surely he should have some way of protecting himself against predators, be they animal or human. Searching the forest floor, Jack found a three-foot long tree branch concealed beneath the shrubs. Breaking off the extra branches and dying leaves, he held it out infront of him as he continued on, deeper still.

The jungle was cold, and considerably darker than the beach as the light was blocked by the thick tree canopy. Jack decided that the moment it got too dark he would abandon his efforts at following the wire and return to camp. For a moment, he question why he was even following the wire, excluding his natural curiousity of course, and he decided he must have something to prove to himself. But what that something was? Well, he couldn't quite place it.

In the distance, something made a sound. A shill, pitchy chirp and Jack felt his breath catch and his body jump with surprise. A second later, a bird flew over head and Jack relaxed immediately. He could tell he was wound up beyond belief, and he could have sworn the bird had said Hurley? _God,_ he really was going crazy.

Jack rested his back against a tree and stood for a moment, wishing he had some food or water. He hadn't eaten since the morning when Kate had given him a chocolate bar and his whole body was crying out for some kind of nourishment. So, scouring his surroundings for some kind of fruit tree, he was glad to find fresh, ripe mangoes growing just above his head. He pulled one down and bit in to it, and in that moment, he felt an extreme feeling of dejavu pass over him.

He held the fruit in his hand and focused his eyes on it, as if it could give him the answers he was looking for. Jack knew he was on the verge of remembering something about his capture, but he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to have another flash here, now. Alone in the jungle, and unable to be anywhere near Kate if he needed her.

Steadying himself, he snaked one arm back around the tree trunk and took another bite of the mango. He felt stupid preparing himself like this, and to anyone else it might have seemed very strange - but probably not to Kate.

At first, he felt nothing only the juice of the mango dripping from his lips and running down his chin. He tried to force his mind to remember something, to find some kind of.. trigger in his surroundings.

Trigger. Juliet had said something about triggers that morning, and she had also told him to relax, to clear his mind and not to focus on trying to remember. Jack knew he had a better chance of remembering if he followed her instructions, so although the thought of allowing himself to become vulnerable to whatever memories his brain had tried to prevent him from seeing scared him, he accepted it.

Sitting down beneath the plantation, Jack closed his eyes and clutched the half-eaten mango in his hands. He let his mind wonder, and listened to the sounds of the jungle around him. There was a distant chirping, leaves rusting and suddnely, he felt something hard fall right on top of his head.

"Yeouch!" He yelled, jumping up and massaging the back of his head with his fingertips. He spied the culprit, another mango, laying on the jungle floor next to the once he had been eating. He creased his brow, eyes going dizzy and head feeling full of cotton wool. For a moment, Jack though the mango had hit him so hard he was blacking out - but then he realizes what was happening - and let his eyes fall back as he collapsed on to the ground in a heap.

* * *

It was dark when Kate woke up. She took a moment to absorb her surroundings, and become aware that she was laying on her back, in her tent, holding her backpack close against her chest.

"_I fell asleep..?" _She asked, thinking out loud and putting a hand to her forehead. She had been in her tent, waiting for Jack and brainstorming where he could of got to, when she'd just.. just fell asleep. She assumed she must have been exhausted from the night before as she clambered to her feet, and once again her mind wondered to Jack. She felt a pang of guilt and a quick buzz of pain hit her stomach and hoped he was safely back at camp. Sitting by the fire,_ eating _something and feeling so much better that he was back to the old Jack she loved. She pictured herself exiting her tent, and meeting eyes with him. Dressed in clean clothes, sporting freshly trimmed hair and a smile spreading over his face when he spotted her. Yet, as Kate walked over to the fire and sat down, she saw no one by Sayid and Sawyer.

"Sayid," She called, causing him to look up from the clock-radio he was trying to alter and Sawyer to gaze up from his book. He looked confused as to why Kate would address Sayid over himself, but Kate needed someone to take the situation seriously and she knew Sayid was far more equipped for seriousness. "Have you seen Jack?"

Sayid shook his head solemnly, allowing Kate to move closer to him.

"You?" She asked Sawyer and he, also, shook his head.

"No ones seen him since this morning, Kate." He replied genuinely. But when did he start calling her _'Kate'?_ It meant he was worried. And if he was worried she was scared. Sayid and Sawyer shot looks at each other and Kate wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

"Kate." Sayid started, "You have to brace yourself incase.." He paused, again, looking at Sawyer - who's book lay forgotten on the sand.

"Then we have to go out there and find him!" Kate screamed, pointing towards the jungle in fury, only earning another sympathetic look from Sayid.

"They haven't taken him." A voice said from behind, and Kate turned only to be met with Juliet. She had her notebook in hand and looked calm as day. "They gave him back. They left him to die. They were finished with him. They couldn't just abduct him from the beach under our noses, not with all of us around. It wasn't them this time."

Kate glared at Juliet, eyebrows tilted in pent up anger. Juliet had just walked into camp one day, 'rescued' from _them_ by Jack, and suddenly - she was good - and on their side. Two weeks later, Jack was taken. It was suspicious, and Kate constantly reminded everyone of that fact. However, in truth, Kate knew Juliet _was _like them, and she _was _good. It was just so much easier to blame her for Jack's disappearance than herself. Guilt ate away at her night and day, even now Jack was back with her. _She_ was the one that had let the Other's take him right in front of her; she was the one that let them hurt him, torture him, break him. Kate had made it her duty to look after Jack - even if he didn't want to be cared for - as in his vulnerable state he needed to be, but as she stood, eyes locked with Juliet she knew in that instant she had failed him. And this time, there would be no second chances. He was probably already dead.

"Were you with him at all today, Kate? Where was the last place you say him?," Sayid spoke at last, anticipating a fight between the two women and trying to create a distraction. Yet, his words only caused Kate to feel more useless and responsible than before.

"I..no..." Kate replied softly, tears burning her eyes. "Not since this morning - we had a fight. He was near the water - he's afraid of the ocean and I forced him to swim with me, but I don't know where he went."

"We'll find him, freckles" Sawyer said softly, placing a hand on Kate's shoulder as she nodded weakly and wiped away stray tears. For the first time, Kate felt like Jack did. Weak, vulnerable and confused. Not knowing where he had gone was torture, she wondered, did Jack ever miss her?

"We should set off at first light." Sayid said purposefully, "I have five guns -so it's going to be us. Locke's in charge when we're gone."

Kate agreed as the group slowly dispatched. She slowly walked back to her tent and lay down.

First light. That had to be atleast five hours away, and there was no way she was going to leave Jack out there all night if she could help it. So she sat up, backpack already in her hands and equipped for a hike through the jungle.

Kate didn't want Sayid's or Juliet's or even Sawyer's help in this. She cared to much to force them in to risking their lives with her and she also wanted to leave as soon as possible- she couldn't wait until morning. So, pulling her bag on to her back, Kate stepped out of her tent and ran a torch over the sand. She saw footprints. Many, many sets, but she was searching for a size 11 foot with a particularly wide stride.

Following the beach, she knew Jack would have remained close to the tree line and as far away from the water as possible, so finding his footprints wouldn't be too hard. She had found a set at the tents and followed them up the beach and around in circles only to discover they were Sawyer's. Then, she followed another set to the waters edge that turned out to be Jins. Disappointed, she knew she was a good tracker, but in the dark with a dying torch was proving too tough. Kate was just about to give up when she spotted an apollo bar wrapper half-buried in the sand. She had remembered giving one to Jack that morning, and he had shoved the wrapper in his pocket. Hoping that is had fallen out as he had walked the beach, she was relieved to find a set of large, deep, wide-stride foot prints leading further and further down the beach.

Kate began to follow the footprints, breaking in to a run. But suddenly, she stopped as she saw the absence of the familiar indents in the sand. The footprints had stopped. Titling her head to the right, it became clear that they continued in another direction, deep into the jungle. Glancing down, she saw he must have been following a very noticeable cable that ran from the water's edge and disappeared though the trees. Without a second thought, Kate followed it.

* * *

When Jack woke up he was laying in a tight ball at the foot of a tree. His arms were wrapped around his knees and squeezed against his chest while his head lay tucked into his lap. Slowly beginning to understand where he was and what had happened, his mind was suddenly flooded with darkened images of Ben's face and Kate laughing eating a mango, chains around his hands and then himself, collecting the fruit Kate dropped down to him, and a hood covering his face while he heard Kate's voice repeating his name over and over again in the distance.

Jack rubbed his face, feeling his lips tremble against the palms of his hands. He felt dizzy as he began to remember. Eyes sparkling with white spots and silver confetti. His ears buzzed and his face felt numb and ice cold. Feeling a lump grow in his throat it was quickly replaced with a painful, burning sensation that built up inside him and caused him to instinctively turn his head to the left as he was violently ill.

He remembered his capture. Picking fruit with Kate, trying to impress her subtly - then suddenly the fear of being seized, his vision being taken from him and blacking out. He told himself to calm down, tried to mimic the breathing exercises that Juliet had taught him. It didn't help.

Clambering to his feet, Jack held the cable securely and decided to follow it out of the jungle to the beach, and back to camp. He took a few hasty paces one way, then then the other. It was so dark now, he couldn't work out which way he was supposed to be doing.

"_Kate..." _He whispered in to darkness, but even as he repeated her name, there was no answer.

Falling in to an uncomfortable sitting position propped up against the mango tree, Jack's back grated up and down the coarse bark as his body wracked with sobs. It only irritating the cuts he already wore underneath his clothes and made them bleed, but he didn't care at all.

"_Kate!"_ Jack tried again, and this time, he heard a faint rustling in the trees behind him. Grasping the cord in his hands as he involuntarily sought some source of comfort - he felt a cold chill run up his bruised spine as someone approached him.

A woman.

Not Kate.

Her dark hair ran wild and stuck to her face with sweat. She wore aged and dirty clothing quite like his, and as she approached Jack shuffled back from her and tried to position himself behind a tree, closing his eyes and wishing this all to be a dream. They couldn't come for him now. Not again. But it was no use. It was clear the woman had seen him and as he opened his eyes he found her crouched down in front of him, staring him right in the eye.

He let out a choked hiccup, putting his hands up in protest.

"Are you one of them?" The woman whispered with a thick accent, and he shook his head instinctively.

She reacting by raising her rifle high in the air and bringing it down hard against the back of Jacks head - knocking him out cold.

* * *

**_Well that was chapter nine, hope you enjoyed it! _**

**_Can you guess who's found Jack? We'll see what she does to him next chapter.._**

**_Please R+R! :)_**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hi guys! Thank you for the lovely reviews and comments about the last chapter. This is my first major fanfiction so I'm glad people are enjoying it :) This chapter is a bit creepy, but keep in mind this is not the end of the story... enjoy!**_

_**x**_

_**Jangsty**_

_**

* * *

**_

The putrid smell of rotten meat flooded his nostrils as he awoke, and was disguised only slightly, by something burning inside the musty, cold room. He chose to keep his eyes closed for a while longer, too afraid that if he saw someone -_saw her-_ standing over him it would make it all too real. And he knew he couldn't handle that. Not yet. So he decided to remain in self-inflicted, blissful ignorance.

Jack could hear her breathing in the corner, the room was too quiet and all he could hear was her _breathing_. Watching him. He couldn't tell if she knew he was awake, but he kept perfectly still and tried to keep his own breathing as steady and as natural as possible. He needed to work out where he was, what she wanted with him and how he was going to get away - all without opening his eyes. He could feel his back laying softly against a damp mattress, so he knew he was on a bed at least. His hands were tied to the bed poles, but he couldn't tell if his feet were bound or not. Slowly, he let out a breath, calling on his acting skills to pretend he was moving and mumbling in his sleep, as he gently pulled his right leg up towards his chest. It was tied.

_Damn it._

He heard a sudden thump accompanied my methodical steps at the woman stood up and approached. In an instant, her head was next to Jack's as she examined him closely, her foul breath assaulting his face and revealing the source of the rotten smell. Her hand was on his cheek massaging it roughly then he felt a hard slap, and he forced himself to keep completely still.

Jack tried to calm his beating heart, he should never have moved his feet, she clearly knew he was awake and was just playing with him now. A hard slap would have woken anyone, but he continued to play his game and didn't move an inch. He felt her leave - maybe she had fallen for it after all? But when he heard a sound -_something like the flicking of a switch _- then felt a quick, sharp jolt vibrate through his body he knew she was just getting started.

Screaming out in unimaginable pain as another, stronger, electrical current flew though his body. The cuts and tears that still ran across Jack's wrists from being tied to the tree were violently ripped open once again, causing fresh blood to run down his forearms and begin to turn the bedsheets scarlet. His fingers groped desperately for something to hold on to - something to find some comfort in, but they found no such luck as his body began to shake again with further electrical bursts.

Jack's body began to fall in an out of consciousness, his head spinning and as he opened them, his eyes were not able to focus. He could make out a brown blob, and for a moment - for one glorious moment - his heart swelled as he was sure it was Kate. She was here to rescue him yet again. To take him home. But as his vision steadied, he was met with the older lady. The one that had captured him, and who was trying to kill him for some insane and unknown reason.

"_Where is Alex?"_ The woman spit, continually slapping Jack around the head as he teetered on the cusp of consciousness. He gazed at her with feverish eyes, opening and closing his mouth but making no sound. He kept forgetting where he was, and every time he would blackout briefly -_only for a second or two_ - he would awake, confused, and then have to re-endure the fear of realizing what had become of him.

"_Waaa?" _Jack managed to asked, he hadn't even heard the question.

"Alex!" She cried, shoving Jack in the chest forcefully then gripping the front of his shirt and attempting to shake him. "Where is Alex!"

"_Al..?"_ Jack spluttered, realizing he was tasting blood. Who was Alex? He'd never heard of any man named Alex - he definitely wasn't one of the survivors.

_"I don't know.." _he admitted honestly, before slipping into unconsciousness again.

* * *

When Jack re-awoke the woman was gone, he had no idea where, but terrified at the though of being left alone again -_to die _- he prayed for her return. Taking a minute for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, Jack discovered it was still the middle of the night which meant he hadn't been out for too long, thank god. He began to let his eyes drift around the room as he searched for some kind of a weapon he could use against the women, regardless if he was tied to a bed or not. In the corner of the room were two very distinct rifles, both sporting French inscriptions Jack couldn't read. He assumed the lady - and the other people on the island - must be French. But what did they want with him?

His earlier suspicions had been right. Hanging upside against the wall were two rotting pig carcasses with missing heads, and next to those hung a plucked chicken. Jack was no expert, but it looked like the meat had been there for at least a month given the level of decomposition - so how long had these people been on the island?

Tilting his head to the right, Jack found no doors or windows which was slightly odd, but as he found none on the left side either, it became clear he wasn't in a room at all, he was in an underground bunker. The closer he examined his surroundings, the more obvious it all became. The walls were mud, the floor was mud and although the ceiling above him was thick and dark, there was a hole in the left corner of the room with a make-shift ladder leading upwards, showing it to be constructed of fallen branched and leaves.

An hour passed, and Jack was getting more and more worried about the whereabouts of this women. Logically, he knew she wouldn't tie him up in her recluse and leave him with her belongings for no reason, and if she wanted to know about this 'Alex' so much, she probably needed him around. However, irrationally, Jack kept feeling the sharp pangs of uncertainty and fear in his stomach as his mind flashed in darkness. He saw a blindfold over his eyes, blocking out the remaining moonlight that shone into the room, and reminding himself of being tied to the tree only a few days ago. He felt damp with sweat and that didn't help either, as he had to force himself to believe it was _only_ sweat and he wasn't in the wide, open ocean -and he wasn't in the lagoon. He was laying on a bed, and that was all.

As another half an hour passed, Jack began to feel sick in a combination of intense nervousness and hunger. He hadn't eaten properly in three days, possibly -_probably_- longer, and he knew if he didn't get some food soon he was going start wasting. He already had all the danger signs: A pounding headache, the shakes, he was weak and covered in a cold sweat, and he was exhausted. Basically, he felt like crap. He pulled his head up and gazed down at his body laying sprawled out on the bed, and only then did he realize that Kate had not been exaggerating when she had said he had gotten dangerously thin. He really was.

Sighing, Jack wriggled his hands in his restraints and stretched his toes. He decided the best thing for him to do was conserve what little energy he had left by letting himself fall asleep. He knew it would be easy, perhaps too easy and too dangerous but until the lady returned he really had nothing else he could do. So, closing his eyes, Jack let his tired body succumb to sleep.

* * *

Jack awoke for the third time in the midst of a nightmare so terrible, that it had caused tears to stream down his face even during sleep.

He had seen himself, laying on a bed in the middle of an ocean, tied up and helpless, pulling at the restraints that wouldn't break. He had heard Kate on the shore, screaming at him to hurry up and pull himself free so she could save him. And he had managed to - _eventually _- sitting upright on the bed and plummeting his feet to the ground only to find them deeply emerged in water. Water that was too deep to walk though, and water that he couldn't bring himself to swim through. Kate had told him to swim to her, told him he needed to help himself or there was no point her trying to save him in the first place. At that he had hung his head as electrical jitters started to run through him again, and when he awoke he was in the same room as before only it was lighter than before, and now Kate was with him.

It was still dark outside, but the room was bathed in the warm glow of a candle. It made Jack relax just a bit, as it reminded him of the big yellow candles propped up in stained glass holders that his mother used to keep around the house when he was young. He assumed he must still be dazed from being shocked and having passed out so many times that he wasn't reacting to what he was seeing before his eyes. Sitting on an old crate in the corner of the room was Kate, her hands tied behind her back and it was clear she had been captured too. The way she was throwing insults at the French lady, showed she was completely unafraid by the situation and furious.

_"We don't know who Alex is!"_

_"You're one of them?"_

_"No, you're one of them - I told you who we are - we're the surviv -"_

_"Lies! Where is Alex?"_

_"I TOLD YOU! I don't know where Alex is!"_

Jack opened his mouth to say something, - to pull the French woman's attention from Kate - but instead he released an unexpected whimper of pain as he tried to turn his head. Immediately, two pairs of eyes were glaring at him both with very different motives. For a brief moment, he didn't care that the unknown woman was staring at him like she wanted him dead, all he cared about was Kate. His mouth was too dry to form words, so when he called for Kate and his voice came out in a very high pitched, incomprehensible garb, and he half expected it.

"It's gonna be okay, Jack," Kate called truthfully, locking eyes with him and nodding reassuringly. "I'm gonna get us out of here - just try to relax okay."

Jack didn't respond, instead, he just gawped at her weakly.

"He doesn't know who Alex is!" Kate explained to the French lady, "We crashed on this island 128 days ago.."

"_Lies!"_ The other woman repeated, threatening Kate with a gun. "If you don't tell me where Alex is, I will _kill _him."

Jack knew she wasn't lying, so in protest, he pulled at the chains with his feet and hands.

"Come back to our beach and I'll show you the wreckage," Kate continued hurriedly, glancing at Jack and trying to hurry to conversation along. She didn't want to watch him suffer, she couldn't take it. She didn't know what the woman had done to him before she was brought inside, but when she laid eyes on him he looked like death. She thought he _was _dead.

"I'll _prove_ to you we're not with them, I can show you the flight manifest..!"

At this the woman was silenced. For a moment, Kate though she had managed to convince her. For a brief moment, she thought it was over.

"Listen, " She explained softly, "If they took your.. your husband.."

"Alex is my _daughter_."

" - your daughter. I'm sorry, but we can't help you.."

"Which plane?" The French woman interrupted, cutting Kate off abruptly.

"..815, Sydney to Los Angeles.."

There was another silence, tension so high that it could have been cut with a knife. Jack was confused, clearly the French lady was not in a right mental state, and she had quite obviously been left on this island for far too long. Jack felt himself begin to sympathise with her, he knew what it was like to be alone. He even considered forgiving her for electric shocking him. That was until she turned away from Kate, and lifted a large red bucket.

Jack squinted his eyes to try and see what was inside, but instead he felt the contents spill over him as he was drenched in water.

"_What are you doing?" _Kate screeched, not understanding the French women's motives, but knowing she must be doing something bizarre that would eventually end up hurting Jack.

"_No.." _Jack whispered, not really caring how high pitched and squeaky his voice came out. He knew what she was doing at he wasn't going to let her. "_Don't do this, please_.."

But the French woman chose to ignore Jack's pleas, and answered Kate instead.

"Tell me where Alex is, or I will kill him." She said, and again, Jack cried out in protest. This time, Kate couldn't win the woman over with words alone.

Jack watched Kate's eyes follow the French woman's outstretched hand that lay on a switch. She followed the cords across the floor and saw they connected to Jack's beds and disappeared at his wrists and ankles in thick, metal cuffed restraints.

"_What -?" _Kate asked in shock. She'd known Jack was tied up, but even as she followed them, she still had no idea what the cords did. The words caught on her tongue as she was interrupted buy Jacks screaming as his body shook in his restraints. White hot sparks ignited at his wrists and ankles, and his face distorted in pain even after the woman took her hand off the switch.

"Where is Alex!" She roared over Jacks cries, but Kate couldn't focus. Mouth agape, she watched as Jack turned his head and stared at her, blood falling from his lips and trailing down his jaw line.

"He doesn't know!" Kate cried, pulling at her own restraints while Jack sagged in his. She didn't know what to say to make this woman believe her, so she just opened her mouth and started speaking,

"They kidnapped him for seventy eight days," She started sincerely, " they came in to our camp and they just took him from us, from me. For seventy eight days they kept hurt him, _tortured _him - and then they left him out in the jungle to die. I don't know where your daughter is, whether they took her or not, but what makes you so different from them? Jack is a good man, he doesn't deserve to die, and if he says he doesn't know where Alex is - he _doesn't know_. So please, _please_, let him go."

Jack gazed at the french woman, silently pleading with her to untie him. For the first time, he finally got a good look at her. Her eyes were hazel, tired and lonely - just like his. She had premature wrinkles and dirty, unkempt hair. Jack was sure he'd never seen her before, but she looked so, so familiar... Maybe he knew her daughter after all, he tried to focus on remembering anything from his stay with them, any babies and young children they might have had with them. He remembered a young girl with blond hair who carried around a teddy bear and clung to smaller boy protectively.

"_Alex.." _Jack whispered, more to himself than to the woman, but she leaned in anyway. "_How old is she_?"

"Sixteen."

Images flooded Jacks head, and he say the same girl that he has seen before standing in the water calling out to him while he stood frozen.

_"Run, get out of here -go! Can't you hear me? He's coming!"_

"_Alex.." _Jack repeated surely, seeing only images of the dark haired girl in his minds eye. "_They have her.. Ben."_

The French woman's eyes grew wide, for a moment, Jack thought she was going to pull the switch again - but she didn't.

"They have my Alex?" She asked, "For sixteen years?"

"She's beautiful.." Jack continued softly, truthfully, "and she helped me.."

Jack expected the woman to smile, to be so happy that her daughter was still alive - _and that she managed remain decent person even living amongst 'them'_- that she would untie him and let him go. But she didn't. Instead, she placed her hand on the button and stared at Jack intensely.

"_WHERE IS SHE?" _She bellowed, the entire room shaking and spinning around Jack's head.

"On the island," Jack replied quickly, and immediately he regretted it. One more shock and he just knew it would be the end. The woman knew Alex was on the island somewhere, and she knew she was alive. That was all she really needed, she could track her down now. And now she could kill Jack.

"_I don't know where.." _He breathed, bobbing his head around and looking from the woman to the switch and back again."_She's...but.. she's alive.. but.."_

The woman pulled the switch and a quick jolt ran through Jack's body once more. He was wet, and the current travelled from his wrists and ankles and vibrated through him. The sides of his neck that had felt numb and swollen with fear, now felt burnt from the electrical shock. The lump that had been stuck in his throat was gone, and in it's absence, he dissolved into a tears.

The woman was yelling something in French, and Kate, herself in tears, was trying to plead with the woman to let them go. Jack knew it was the end now and he was facing imminent death. All he could think of was being tied to that tree again, alone. He didn't know why he had survived all that just to die now. There must be some higher power sitting up there, laughing at him, laughing at the irony of the situation. He had survived being forcefully kidnapped and tortured through no fault of his own, only to be kidnapped and tortured due to his curiosity. The past few days of pain had been for nothing and in Jack's mind, it was clear he was being punished.

"_He's told you all he knows!" _Kate yelled, "_Leave him alone!"_

The woman grasped the switch in her hand, still cursing in French while she fiddled with the homemade dial. Jack hoped she was turning the current up as high as she could so his death was as quick and painless as possible. He knew he only had seconds left, so, preparing his last words he pried his dry lips apart.

"_Kate.."_ He cried, closing his eyes so he wouldn't see her, and could manage to compose himself enough to form coherent words. She _needed_ to hear him.

_"I love you.."_ He said, and he wanted to continue - to let Kate know he'd _always_ loved her. But he couldn't, because the moment he stuttered out the three words he'd always wanted to say, he heard the electricity building in the distance, and saw the white hot sparks at his ankles just before he felt it.

_"I love -"_ Kate's voice rang in his ears as the tension built in the wires, and in his chest. The split second of anticipation and fear he felt before his body convulsed in pain, was worse than anything else.

The wires ignited at Jacks wrists and his head thrashed back and forth as he was lifted from the bed by the sheer force of the shock.

In that moment, the only words Jack had ever wanted to hear fell on deaf ears,

"_I love you, Jack."_

In that moment, Jack Shephard died.

* * *

**_So, I hope people didn't hate my portrayal of Rousseau, she may just make another appearance later.._**

**_Please R+R, it does make me write faster and I love reviews/comments/suggestions and I'll try and incorporate many of them into the story._**


	11. Chapter 11

**_Thank you for the reviews and comments! They do make me write faster - and I have managed to finish chapter eleven early. Hope you all like it :)_**

**_x_**

**_Jangsty_**

* * *

There was a sudden calm, something like an aura that surrounded him. He felt content -_confused- _but content. He wasn't in pain, he wasn't tired or hungry. Instead, he felt weightless and free, like he didn't have a care in the world. He guessed he didn't. He was just _dead_. That was it. He didn't have to be afraid anymore, -you couldn't torture a dead man.

Jack pulled his eyes open. Gazing around, he saw only hazy white light and tiny slithers of sparkling silver dancing before his hazel orbs. He felt cold, not against his skin but more, from the inside out. He felt stiff, like his organs were blocks of ice that restricted his movement.

Still, Jack assumed he was in heaven. The magical place in the clouds where he could spend eternity watching down on earth like a kid with an ant farm. He'd lived a good life. He'd cared for his friends and _'honoured thy mother and father'_, so he was sure he must have ended up there. He didn't feel hot, or even warm - so he could be certain he hadn't ended up in the fiery flames of hell.

A figure approached him, almost gliding over and slowly laying hand on his shoulder. He was still tied to the bed, and he assumed she was here to rescue him. She was dressed in white from head to toe and was holding some kind of wand. He couldn't see her clearly enough to really understand - but she was just like in the story books he read as a child. Her hair was very dark and ran wild down to her shoulders. She was staring at him, smiling, noting his confusion and telling him everything was going to be okay.

_It was his time to move on. _

Raising her wand she brought it down hard. But when Jack heard a loud smack, he didn't feel it. Instead, a heavy weight fell on top of his stomach, forcing his hands and feet to be pulled in their restraints painfully.

_Pain._

Like he couldn't believe. His whole body felt like it was on fire, frying him from the inside out. Unable to pry his lips apart to scream, he soon found his whole being was stuck in paralysis and he couldn't move. He soon gave up, instead, he was forced to focus on the pain. It radiated from his wrists and legs, and travelled all over, but his head pounded so hard he didn't know which was worse. Suddenly the white light was gone. The sliver specks disappeared and all Jack saw was darkness, as he realized he hadn't even opened his eyes yet. His ears buzzed and he felt a thick trail of blood pouring from his nose, tasting it as it entered his open mouth.

The weight was still on top of him. He had temporary hearing loss and could only make out a painful screeching in the background and the methodical pounding that came with something being hit with a bat.

For one very brief, but glorious moment, Jack Shephard had thought he has died. When he finally opened his eyes, blinking rapidly against the candlelight, he saw his angel. She was standing over him with one of the French woman's rifles in hands - _not a wand_- , teeth gnashing as she looked at the other woman's crumpled body laying on top of Jack in disgust. He knew he was still alive. The woman, his torturer, was dead.

Her head had fallen against Jack's chest, bleeding and broken. Through glazed eyes, all Jack was aware of was the blood. So much blood. His own mixing with the French women's, and pouring from his body on to the sheets, staining his clothes, pooling in the cracks on his neck. Jack began to question if this was all part of a dream, if he was in hell, then whether or not he had even survived his _first _capture. Kate wasn't paying attention to him, and she clearly didn't know he was watching her. She was far too busy beating the woman with the butt of the rifle. It led Jack to believe he wasn't really awake. Confusion took over and questions began to swarm his brain. The pain made everything worse, and Jack believed he could still see white hot embers flying from his ankles.

"_Come on, Jack!," _Kate was repeating frantically, switching between slapping his face to try and wake him up, and working to detach his hands from the bed poles. His eyes were rolled back in his head. She could have sworn she saw him blink - wake up briefly - but she had been mistaken.

Fearing he was really gone this time, she steadied herself and pressed two of her fingers to his neck.

"_Please_," She begged him, waiting for the soft beating against her fingertips to commence. She couldn't bear the thought of him being dead. He was too important to her, to all of them. "Wake up, Jack.. wake up!"

She repositioned her fingertips, and was relieved to find a faint tapping against them. He had a pulse, but only a very slight one as far as she could tell. Still, he was alive. A great weight was lifted from her, and she relaxed. She had made sure the current was turned off, and pulling the French lady from Jack, she watched him lay motionless on top of the bed.

Kate really didn't know what to do. Everything she thought of sounded stupid and dangerous. She questioned moving him on to the floor, but wouldn't that just make him uncomfortable? She questioned waking him up forcefully, but she didn't know how much damage he had done to his insides, and how much pain he would be in because of that. She even questioned leaving him and running to get help. That was her stupidest idea, since she didn't know where the hell she was, and even though the woman was dead, she wasn't going to leave Jack by himself. In the end, Kate decided to try and wake him. Hopefully, he'd be able to tell her what she had to do.

So, bending over him, she began to tap her fingers against his face gentle enough so she wouldn't hurt him further, but with enough force that she began to see his eyes flicker. Immediately, his face was distorted, and he let out a cry of pain so intense that Kate physically jumped back and raised a hand to her mouth. She quickly regretted waking him, and placed a hand on his shoulder, letting him know she was with him.

Watching him scream in pain, for the first time, Kate really looked at him. Perhaps even since his initial capture. His face was lined and scared with premature age, his hair was falling out due to stress and him skin was -

_blue?_

Not bright blue, but there was a very obvious tinge to it. She looked at her own hand, just to see if it was the lighting - but her own was a creamy pinkish colour, and definitely not blue.

"You're blue.." She said, more to herself that to Jack. "Jack! Wake up, goddammit!"

He wouldn't.

Kate ripped open Jacks shirt and began to administer CPR. His pulse had been weak before, and now he wasn't screaming anymore - or responding at all. She didn't have time to continue slapping him in the face, and checking to see if he was breathing - so she decided to do if for him. Clamping her mouth down over his, she huffed air in to his lungs. She just hoped she was doing it right, and wasn't making anything worse.

Continuing to administer the kiss of life, all Kate wanted was to see was Juliet standing behind her, ready to step in to save Jack when she screwed up.

She felt Jack start to respond, wriggling about underneath her, and trying to push her off. He began to scream again, hands clenched into fists as he pulled at his legs, trying to find some comfort in absurdly running his feet up and down the bed. She couldn't bear to hear him scream - unless it meant he was alive.

And he was.

Abandoning any attempts to quiet him, and knowing her best efforts were futile, Kate moved to Jacks hands, she discovered the wires had burnt deep into his skin and the bonds had reopened the wounds that already lay there. His skin was charred, and thin red lines ran from his wrists down far past his elbows. Kate ripped Jacks shirt off his body, and used it to stem the flow of blood from his nose, mouth, wrists and ankles. She contemplated wrapping the green material around Jacks wrist, but just as she was about to do just that, she realized his skin would just stick to it, and it would only mean he would be in more pain when she removed it.

Jack was still howling in pain, yet, now his head was turned, and he was staring at the dead women's body next to him in fear.

"Hey," Kate started, taking hold of his shoulders gently, and trying _so _hard not to hurt him. "It's alright - she's just knocked out.."

She lied. The women's blood was mixed with Jacks, and it _coated_ him. As Kate, herself, began to look around the room, she found the entire room was covered with blood that had escaped the woman's head when Kate had hit her with the rifle. The room smelt of burning flesh - _Jack's burning flesh_ - his pain, and the woman's death.

"Can move?" Kate asked, trying to sit Jack up on the bed and failing. "What hurts?"

He looked down at the arm he cradled close to his bare chest. But he didn't speak.

"I need to get you out of here," Kate continued seriously, she wasn't going to let her emotions get in the way of saving Jack' life. Not again. "So you're gonna have to stand.."

She knew she was coming off as cold. Jack was clearly in pain, and the last thing he needed was to be spoken to so _plainly -_ as if nothing had happened - and to be expected to walk back to camp. But it was for his own good after all.

"Jack, _listen to me_, do you know what happened? You were electric shocked. What do I need to watch out for?"

Jack had toned down the howling, but was still sobbing, and still clutching his arm close.

"Listen," Kate tried again, "You're badly burnt, and you stopped breathing - tell me what I need to look out for?"

Jack thought for a moment. _Burnt?_ Burnt meant there was an exit point and he hadn't suffered internal injury. That was a good sign, given the circumstances. Other symptoms, however, in his lucid state Jack wasn't too sure.

"Amnesia.." He whispered, at least, that's what she recognized amongst all the medical jargon. "Muscle contractions.. seizures...broken bones..blood clots."

Kate nodded, trying to memorize everything. It all was right over her head.

"But it's alright.." Jack continued through the pain, "burns - point of exit - no internal injury... it just hurts _so bad_."

Kate just nodded, too distracted by all the blood. But eventually, she got Jack to stand.

"Mind your wrists.." She warned as Jack tired to steady himself, and she watched as for the first time, Jack was able to examine the damage the French woman had done to him. Kate watched the colour drain from his face so fast it was frightening. He managed to remain conscious, but his eyes were fixed on his hands. She worried that he was going in to some kind of shock. She wanted to help him, but she knew that they needed to get out of the bunker before she could really do that. So, she pushed him into climbing the ladder first and made sure he was laying safety against a tree before she re-entered the bunker, and looked around for her pack, and for anything else they could use.

Kate picked up one of the women's guns, checked the bullets, and cocked it. She kept one finger on the trigger -just in case the woman dared to move - and continued to poke through her things. She found a hand drawn map of the island laying on a desk next to a closed black box. Letting curiosity get the best of her, she opened it, and discovered it to be just a broken music box. Setting it down, Kate spied her pack on the floor and shoved in the map -as it could come to be useful later. Then, slinging her pack on to her shoulder, Kate climbed out of the bunker, with gun still in hand.

* * *

Although she was nearly crushed under Jack's weight, she supported him regardless, as they walked through the jungle trying to find a place to rest for the remainder of the night. It was still pitch black, and Kate had no idea what time it was, but seeing the blood flowing from Jack's wrists and his wide, glazed eyes - she knew they needed to stop so she could try her best at stopping the bleeding.

Every so often, Kate would hear the tree leaves rustle around them and she would jump, expecting to see the French woman sanding there, gun in hand, and ready to attack. After walking for a little less than five minutes, Kate saw giant pile of rocks reaching up the cliff side, -_something like a cave? _- in the distance. Figuring they could hide inside it, she approached, and fortunately found an entrance big enough to crawl into at the side.

"_Come on, Jack_," She whispered, encouraging him to crawl in to the hole after her. He did so, emotionless, and tired, and Kate began to build a fire.

As there was nothing inside the cave to burn, Kate had to leave Jack propped up against the cave wall and go and find some branches outside in the darkness. Usually, when she built a fire, she would scour the jungle floor for long fallen branches, but now, she had no time to be economical, she she broke branches of the first tree she found and brought them back in to the cave.

Neither of them spoke as Kate worked to light the fire. Every so often, she would turn to look at Jack who was still laying up against the wall, head resting on the rocks and eyes unfocused. When the fire slowly started to glow, Kate saw he wasn't even trying to stop the blood rushing out of his veins, but his eyes were dark and forehead scrunched in worry.

"Let me see your arms." Kate said, gently taking his hands in hers and analyzing the cuts like she actually knew what she was doing. He didn't look at her at all, and Kate realize he wasn't focused on anything at all.

"Can you see me?" She asked, and didn't move, remaining still.

"I have some gauze tape in my bag.." She continued, relaxing slightly when she discovered the cuts weren't deep and didn't actually seem that bad. The wire had burnt his skin and opened wounds that had already been there, but other than that, he seemed alright. Health wise, anyway. In addition, she found that the blood dripping from his mouth was only because he had bitten down on his tongue and was not a more serious problem.

She cut the gauze with her teeth and began to wrap it around Jacks wrists. Yet, she wasn't really focused, as he eyes kept darting to Jack's wide, panicked eyes and absent expression.

"Jack..?" She asked, bobbing her head and failing at catching his eye, "Are you in shock?"

Clearly, he was. His skin was no longer blue, but pale and blotchy and his breathing was accelerated greatly. He didn't answer, instead he sat shivering on the spot.

* * *

When Kate finished cleaning and dressing Jack's wounds, she helped him removed his remaining bloodied clothing - leaving him dressed only in his underwear and a blanket she'd brought along, to keep him warm.

She kept asking him questions, _'do you feel alright?' 'do you need anything?' 'how are you, Jack?_' but he didn't respond to anything she said, choosing to stare blankly in to the fire.

The only sign Jack gave Kate to show her he was still conscious - _still breathing_ - was a wide yawn, as he slowly rubbed his eyes. He was tired, and Kate helped him lay down easily, positioning her body between Jack and the fire, so there was no way he could accidentally roll in to the flames in sleep. Kate closed her eyes, hoping morning would come around quickly so she could bring Jack back to Juliet - there was no way she was trekking the jungle in darkness _ever _again.

_" - why me?"_

Kate jumped.

"What, Jack?" She questioned not quite understanding what he was saying, and surprised that he was choosing to speak to her now.

"Why is it always me? What have I _done_?"

Kate immediately sat up, placing both her hands against Jack's cold face.

"Listen to me, " She said seriously, and Jack didn't even consider avoiding her gaze. "You haven't _done_ anything, _none_ of this is you're fault."

Jack nodded, but he didn't believe her.

"Then why does it feel like I'm being punished?" He asked, and Kate shook her head, leaning against Jack's back and beginning to run a soothing hand up and down his arm.

"You're _not_ being punished," She said softly, barely above the crackle of the fire, "I mean what I said back there - you're a good man.."

"_It hurts_," He admitted weakly, still clutching his arm. Kate was sure it wasn't broken, but she had no idea how badly it was sprained,"_help me.."_

His chest was shaking with suppressed sobs, and Kate didn't know what to do. It was so _easy_ to say he needed Juliet to fix him, make him better with medicines and therapy - to say she couldn't possibly do anything tonight that would comfort him in the slightest. It was easy, but it was wrong. Kate knew exactly what Jack needed right now - he needed her to tell him that everything was going to be okay, and he was going to get better - even if she didn't know that for sure.

It was too hard. He had always been the strong one, the leader, the_ hero_, the _protector,_ and now he was scared, weak, and he needed protecting. She couldn't even form the words _'it's gonna be okay'._

As soon as those thoughts came, she pushed them away. How dare she be so selfish? None of this was about her, it was about Jack. She imagined if the situation was reversed, if _she _was captured and tortured - left for dead. Jack would do whatever he could to help her, even if it meant risking his own life. Kate felt even worse when she considered how Jack was feeling, having to literally _beg_ for her help because she was so reluctant to give it. I made her feel cruel, cruel like the French woman, and the Others that had taken him.

Kate adjusted the blanket around Jack's shoulders, and holding him tightly, she started talking to him. She rambled, but she managed -_hopefully_- to let him know he was going to be alright. As they both fell asleep, Kate knew that in someways, Jack believed her.

* * *

**_So, no, Jack didn't die. (I wouldn't kill him!) :)_**

**_In the next chapter, Kate organizes a romantic surprise for Jack.._**

**_Please R&R!_**


	12. Chapter 12

**IMPORTANT! ****IMPORTANT! ****IMPORTANT! **

_**Hi! This is a re-upload of the last chapter, I re-read it last night and decided to improve it as some parts really didn't make sense! (I blame my sleep-deprived exam time brain haha) Anyway, I thought I might as well upload the re-write. I haven't changed anything too drastic, so it's probably not vital you read it to understand the next chapter, but I do recommend it :)**_

_**Oh, and the next chapter will be coming in two days!**_

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* * *

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Kate woke up long before Jack did. Although she knew it was best to get back to camp as soon as possible, she didn't want to disturb him. He looked so peaceful and relaxed while he slept, and she knew as soon as he woke up he would have to deal with what had happened to him, and suffer through all the pain.

Moving to her pack, and trying not to wake Jack in the process, she pulled out her water bottle and studied to contents. It was only half full, barely enough for one person let alone two. She was thirsty, but she decided to leave the little bit that was left for Jack. She knew he hadn't eaten for an entire day, and to be honest, she hadn't seen him drink anything for at least two.

Turning her head, Kate let her eyes drift over Jack's sleeping form. The blanket had fallen from him some time during the night and he lay exposed, dressed only in his underwear. His body was skinny and nearing malnourishment. His arms, once enlarged and almost over-sized with muscles, now lay like toothpicks against the muddy ground. His legs were brought close to his chest and when her eyes found the blood stained fabric tied around his ankles, she became aware of how pale his skin was in contrast.

Reaching in to her bag and recovering a stash of Apollo bars - _the only source of food she could carry in bulk _- she sat beside Jack and placed a tender hand on his shoulder. He didn't respond to her touch, so she gently shook him awake. Immediately, he sat up, staring around in confusion and beginning to comprehend what had happened the previous night.

Jack started to feel a slight twinge in his wrists and ankles, a pain that began to grow steadily, spreading up his legs and arms, and causing his forehead to pound as he recoiled from Kate's touch in agony.

"Eat something, Jack" She said, sliding an unwrapped bar of chocolate in to his hand. It was the only type of food he'd eaten since he had returned, or rather, the only food he could force down. Kate watched as he stared with disgust at the chocolate in his hand, lip curled and brow furrowed.

He didn't want to eat or drink. He wanted to sleep and forget everything.

"No thanks." He said, voice crackling with sleep. He'd been so hungry last night, but now the sight of any food made him feel worse than he already did. What he really wanted was water, so he was thrilled when Kate handed him a bottle.

Jack grasped his hands around the bottle and raised it to his mouth, but instantly, Kate had taken it away again.

"I'll let you have this," She said, searching for some kind of compromise. "_All_ of it - if you eat something. You're wasting away, Jack."

He knew he was, and he didn't need Kate to remind him. But he agreed, and swallowed down the chocolate in two bites.

There was silence while Jack nursed the water sparingly. From the corner of his eye, he could see Kate was yet again staring at his burns. He looked over to her, and she looked at him with eyes full of sympathy. It was getting old, and he was tired of forever being the victim. He didn't want to be pitied, and he didn't want to be cared for either. It made him angry - angry at himself, at them, and also, at Kate.

As she began to talk, Jack really wasn't listening.

_"We need to get you back to camp."_

Instead, he mentally rolled his eyes, silently fuming. He knew it wasn't fair to blame her, she had done nothing but try to help him - _even if he didn't want it _- the best she could. He supposed it was because he was in so much pain, suffering from stress and living it fear. It was so easy to be stroppy and unresponsive if it meant he didn't have to deal with anything. Jack wished he was asleep. He was happy while he was asleep.

"Yeah. Sure." Jack grunted in response, ramming the chocolate into his mouth and beginning to dress in his - now dry - but bloodied jeans.

The more he thought about it, he wasn't really in that much pain, he wasn't scared at all and he wasn't stressed either. He didn't feel anything other than anger, and when he forced himself to smile, even that soon past, and he felt.. nothing.

He felt disconnected from everything, like everything was happening to someone else - someone he didn't know - and he was left watching from afar.

He felt himself nodding, agreeing with everything Kate said, and barely even realising he had begun to eat another chocolate bar. Sure, he'd go back to camp and have Juliet put bandages on his wounds, sure he'd have Kate force him to eat as many chocolate bars as she had. He didn't care anymore. Not even a little.

Or rather, had made a conscious decision _not _to care anymore. The past few days had been the worse kind of hell - not only the kidnapping and torture - but in the way he was constantly living in fear that he was going to be taken yet again. It was so easy not to think about that now, surprisingly, to block it out and not have to deal with Kate either.

As a doctor, Jack knew he was in shock. In a day or two, he wouldn't be so numb nor able to be easily lulled into a false sense of acceptance. It wouldn't last. But in that moment, he didn't care one bit.

* * *

The walk back into camp was reminiscent of the first time she'd returned with Jack. Previously, there had been - even through the pain and fear - a sense of hope and happiness. They had rescued Jack, he was alive and appeared to be fine, considering the circumstances. But this time, there was no joy. He had been kidnapped once, now twice, so why not a third time? One look at Jack's face and Kate could tell he was no where near 'fine'. He was unfeeling. Like whatever was in his head blocking out his captivity with the others, had decided to block his emotions as well. And that scared her more than watching him scream out in pain, more than seeing him thrash around in his sleep, and more than having him pass out in her arms. It was like he had given up hope completely, and hope was a dangerous thing to loose.

If she couldn't get him off the island, then the best she could do was get him back to Juliet.

Jack kept his eyes downcast while he walked, focused on the ground beneath him and nothing else. Kate had hold of his arm, gently pulling him forward as she led him out of the jungle, so, if she was willing to do that, he figured she could keep a look out for him as well.

Kate couldn't bear to thought of looking up and seeing _her_. Her dead body, face contorted in pain, body covered in blood and aiming her rifle straight at them - ready for revenge. She'd said it before, but this time, she swore she wasn't going to let Jack get hurt again.

She knew they weren't far from camp. Jack hadn't walked too deep into the jungle, and the French woman's bunker was just a few minutes from the cave. She could hear the sounds of the waves crashing against the shoreline and she knew that they must be close. It was like deja vu. She had to keep looking back, and squeezing Jack's arm to make sure he was there - this time.

As they neared the camp, they were slowed down only slightly by the heavy sand close to the treeline. Kate had tried to pull Jack closer to her, tried to bring him to walk next the the water and on the harder sand, as she figuring he was probably too exhausted to be able to lift his feet and struggle through the sinking effect. But Jack stood on the spot and refused to move. Seeing the sudden flash of panic fly across his otherwise impassive face, Kate decided against it. So, they were left fighting through the low sand dunes next to the trees, Kate's hand still securely intertwined with Jack's.

In the distance, Kate could see Juliet jogging towards them. She was clearly concerned, and that was understandable - they'd gone missing without a trace. Surely the other survivors would have guessed Kate had headed off after Jack alone? Kate blinked, and Juliet was instantly in front of Jack, firing questions at both of them and commenting how pale they both looked. Jack stood, emotionless, and darted his eyes between Kate and Juliet.

Kate began to explain their encounter with the french lady, and Jack's torture. To this, Juliet agreed to check him out yet again, and Jack decided he had had enough.

"No," he said seriously, and he wasn't asking. "I'm going to lie down."

When Kate and Juliet began to protest, he physically pushed them from fussing over him.

"I'm a doctor - and I'm telling you I feel fine - so please, just leave me alone." With that, Jack turned on his heel, and headed towards his tent in silence.

* * *

Kate and Juliet sat outside Rose and Bernard's tent. The elderly couples 'home' was fast becoming the most popular hangout on the beach, as if you needed to engage in 'deep and meaningfuls' with someone. This was usually done while folding the laundry.

Having spent the last hour explaining to Juliet everything that had happened to Jack in the past day, Kate started to wonder where he had got to. Looking down the beach, his tent was just in view, and she couldn't see him anywhere near it...

"He needs some time to himself, " Juliet started, interrupting Kate's thoughts. She could tell Kate didn't want him to be alone, in case he decided to follow another cable into the jungle. "Don't worry," She added carefully, "Given the circumstances, I don't think he's going to be running off again any time soon...he just needs a distraction, something to take his mind off it all."

Although Kate had explained that Jack has been electric shocked and tortured, Juliet believed that if she forced Jack into being checked out, he was just going to become even more miserable and unresponsive. Kate however, didn't agree. So, despite Juliet's apprehension, she set of to find Jack.

* * *

Jack's tent was destroyed. The terrible weather they had been having of late, as the tropical climate neared monsoon season, had reeked havoc across the beach and obliterated anything within it's path. Looking around, Jack saw the kitchen table they had fashioned had been destroyed, and the canned and boxed goods lay on the floor as the shelf had been snapped in two.

Sighing, Jack raised a hand to his eyes and rubbed them tiredly. He didn't want to deal with rebuilding his tent right now. He had just spent the last hour in the caves, hovering over the waterfall and trying to wash his clothes. He couldn't, and now he felt pathetic. All he wanted to do was crawl in to bed and sleep the sunlight away. His lucid mind had gladly blocked any fear or anguish he may have had when he woke up that morning, but now the pain was starting to seep into his black and white mind in vibrant shades of red and green. Distracting and unwanted.

Jack told his brain to turn off - to stop thinking. He didn't know why he thought he could do that, and it came as no big surprise when a million more images of the french lady, the blood and the white static flooded his head. Trying to distract himself from the amounting chaos, Jack began to fix the roof of his tent, covering the four supporting branches with a corner of the tarp. Every time he dressed one side, another would come undone, and it was infuriating.

Spending no less than five minutes trying to work out a way to fix the problem, Jack eventually gave up, screwing the tarp up in his hands and throwing it on the floor next to an airline pillow and a pile of old clothes. The action gave him some level of stress relief, but not enough to suffice. So, Pulling out one of the supports with his bear hands, he used it like a baseball bat and began to smash an airline chair to pieces.

It felt good to be violent, destructive. To let go and not care who was watching. The methodical motions of slamming the bat into the chair stopped him from seeing the blood, and the dharma logos..

"Hey!" A voice called from behind him, and Jack turned around - bat still in hand - recognising Kate's voice immediately. "What are you doing? Drop it!"

Jack stared at the branch in his hand and then back at Kate. _'Drop it?' _What was he, some kind of dog now?

He wanted to make her go away, to scare her off so she would just leave him alone. So, he raised the bat. He would _never_ hit her with it, not even while he wasn't in sane mind, but he would use it to threaten her.

Not surprisingly, Kate didn't appear phased at all, and before he could respond to her verbally, she had snatched his weapon and thrown it behind her.

"What the _hell _are you doing?" She asked again, and Jack chose not to answer. Instead, he folded his arms in fury and turned away from her, staring out to the ocean.

She waited for him to say something, but he didn't. His shoulders were hunched and she could tell he was desperately trying to hold his head up steady, but he continually looked down to the ground with a pained expression. He was upset, but at the same time incredibly angry for no apparent reason.

"Why are you so angry?" She pushed passionately, and Jack waved his hand at her, taking a few steps in the other direction.

"_No.., you come back here!" _Kate screamed, grabbing Jack's arm tightly and refusing to let go. "Tell me - Jack - listen to me."

All Jack did was shake her off, perhaps to hard. Kate fell down backwards, and landed on the sand in a heap.

Jack sighed, holding his arm out to pull her up, but he was stopped with a hard blow to the head.

He stumbled back, dazed, and brought the hand instead, to his jaw. He thought he had been shot, as a burning pain overpowered him.

"_Sawyer, no!" _Kate screamed, but it was of course, too late. Instantly, Jack was down on the ground clutching his jaw as blood spilt from his mouth. Hesitantly, he brought his hand away and stared at it. The blood trailed down his arm, and past the wounds that already lay there. It made him feel sick. Not from the pain - it didn't hurt _that _much, anyway - but because the blood forced him to remember _her._

_Her blood dripping from her cracked skull, trailing down his abdomen and sickeningly - he was so cold it physically warmed him. Like he was bathing in it as he watched her die. _

Kate had struck her, killed her in cold blood and now he has struck Kate. How hard? He wasn't sure. She didn't look hurt, she was on her feet again and yelling at Sawyer. But he couldn't be sure. His eyes were blurring again, and when Jack brought his fist up to rub them, he only smeared blood across his face - and all he saw was red.

_"I saw him!"_ A southern voice yelled, _"I saw him waving that stick around - he damn near knocked ya' out with it, freckles!"_

Sawyer was fuming, he gestured at Jack while he spoke, pointing and walking towards him threateningly until Kate - and now Juliet - would pull him back.

Everyone was talking and yelling. Not only Juliet, but Sun, Hurley, Charlie and even Claire and Aaron had joined the debacle. Kate was arguing that Jack didn't know what he was doing (_he did_), and Juliet was informing Sawyer that he was sick and needed help (_he wasn't and he didn't_).

_In the surf, he could see them. They were approaching slowly, like an army. All wearing the same beige jumpsuits. Bloody and ripped. One held out his hand, clutching a gas mask - and he handed it to Jack..._

They were all so busy arguing, that nobody noticed that Jack, in delusion from pain and repetitive blood loss, had begun to try and mop himself up, wiping the blood from his hands on to the sand. He then started to wipe his face, which became caked with sand. Then, from his once-fresh clothes, and watched the white fabric turn red. He needed the blood - _all the red _- to just disappear, then it would stop the pain in his chest, the visions of the french lady and the others, and the immense fear.

Forcing his eyes shut, he did the only thing he could do - he mentally counted to five.

_1.._

_2._

_3._

_4.._

_"Jack.. Jack!"_

It didn't even get to five, before he opened his eyes and saw Juliet in front of him. Without saying anything, she had pushed a wet towel to his face and was wiping away the blood. As his vision cleared, he watched Sawyer and Kate in front of him, fighting. Kate pushed Sawyer in the chest, and he continued to point at Jack, face dangerously close to Kate's and trying to make her realize Jack was evil. Bad. But to Jack, it looked like Sawyer was the one that was going to push her over next, and he began to worry.

Jack caught Juliet's gaze and pleaded with her to look at Sawyer and Kate, then at the water. At them. But Juliet wasn't having it.

"You're going to come and talk to me about what's happening," She said, eyes dimmed. And Jack knew she wasn't asking.

"No." He managed in response, "Juliet they're coming back for me... they're in the water.."

"No," She mimicked, "There's nobody there.."

"_You're not looking!" _Jack screamed, loud enough that his head began to pound again and Hurley jumped. "Please.. just look -"

"Calm down, Jack." Juliet reassured him, shaking her head slowly and continuing to dab the blood from his face. "Ignore Kate and Sawyer they're-"

"_YOUR NOT LISTENING! It's them. Them!"_

Juliet didn't turn around. She wasn't going to humor him this time. Instead, she watched him start to panic. The noise of Kate, Sawyer - with the addition of the other survivors who had all taken sides - was upsetting him, she decided.

"Jack. You're panicking again." She said simply, "Nobody is there."

With that, Jack decidedly shut his eyes. If she wasn't going to accept their camp had been infiltrated, he wasn't going to respond to anything she had to say.

In Jack's mind of course, this _all _made sense.

"Open you eyes, Jack." Juliet said sternly, in that tone that Jack just couldn't take. He didn't want to have her yelling at him as well. All he could _hear_ was yelling. Everyone was angry, and they were all angry at _him._

"No." Jack replied like a spoilt two-year-old who wasn't allowed any ice cream. He then began to scream insolently, desperately trying to block out Juliet's voice. To himself, he appeared perfectly normal, but his cries were attracting the attention of the other survivors on the beach, and breaking up their fighting.

Sawyer shot confused glances between Kate, Juliet and Jack. His face softened and he began to feel guilty as he realized something really wasn't right with the doc.

"_Open your eyes and look at me."_

_"No!"_

Juliet knew she needed to employ a new tactic. She knew Jack was in his rights not to listen, and although she was probably taking advantage of that freedom by forcing him -_in his vulnerable state_ - to comply, she didn't regret it. He was not well. That was clear enough, and it wasn't something sleep and water could fix this time. If he didn't face what had happened to him, then his subconscious was going to block it all out - just like his first capture. She wasn't going to let that happen, because she knew he would only suffer more in the long run.

She didn't blame him for acting like a spoilt child, and she didn't blame him for being angry. But Juliet knew if Jack was aware of how juvenile he was acting - especially in front of Kate, who he so _obviously _cared for - he would be mortified. So she was going to snap him out of this for his own sake.

"JACK!" Juliet yelled, a hush falling over not only Jack, but the entire crowd. Her voice was strong and forceful and that surprised everyone. "Listen to me, you need to calm down."

Abandoning any effort to calm him with words, she raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face. When she brought it away, she found her palm was shimmering with his blood. But, she _had _managed to stop him panicking.

Jack sat in silence. The feverish thoughts now cast from his head, as the bitter realization that he had just assaulted Kate once again flooded in. He hung his head, taking the blood-soaked rag from Juliet's hand and holding it to his cuts. Truthfully, he was covering his face in shame.

"I'm sorry, Jack," Juliet said truthfully, "But it's -"

"It's fine." Jack interrupted, not bothering to look up. He looked low. _Really_ low, and so beat down.

Juliet went to stand, pausing briefly as she crouched next to Jack. Grasping his shoulder, she was startled when his body idly swayed with her touch. She leaned in closely and whispered in his ear, "I'll see you tomorrow morning in my tent."

"Sure." Jack said, voice breaking. So much for being 'disconnected' from everything, so much for 'blissful ignorance' and so much for any of these people respecting his wishes to be left alone.

* * *

Jack half expected Kate to open up and begin laying into him as soon as the crowd respectfully dispersed, and he saw her walking towards him. He refused to make eye contact, his head remaining low and eyes on his shoes. He could still use the rag as a way to conceal his face. That was, until he felt Kate fall to her knees next to him and try and take the rag away.

She pulled at his hands delicately, and each time Jack felt her soft skin connect with his own, the lump in his throat grew bigger.

He pictured her with cuts and bruises across her face. Matted hair and rotting skin. Eyes bloodshot and yellow - all because he'd gotten angry and _attacked _her. It was selfish, but he didn't want to look at her. He was too scared. He didn't want to face that -or, _couldn't_ face that. So he clutched the rag tighter, holding it against his forehead like a mask.

_"I'm so sorry..." _He whispered finally, allowing a few tears to fall but quickly catching them with the corners of the rag_, "so sorry.."_

"No, it's alright, you didn't hurt me at all." Kate explained, pulling Jacks body in against hers. "This is my fault, not yours."

Jack was confused. How could Kate even think that?

"Last night you had to beg me to help you - because I haven't been doing anything for you willingly." She continued, "I'm_ supposed _to be helping you, and I just haven't. What do I do, Jack? I feel so useless."

Jack finally looked up at her, letting the rag drop from his hands and on to the floor. The bleeding had long stopped, and he really didn't need it anymore. When he looked at her, to his surprise, she didn't have any kind of imperfection. Her skin was pink, her lips were a vibrant red and he hair ran in waves against her shoulders. Tears flowed down her face, and Jack choked back his own.

"You have helped me," He started honestly, almost smiling - but not quite able to. "All I need is you. I - I love you."

Jack was scared to admit it. Especially after hurting her, but he had to in case anything else happened.

Kate smiled, resisting the urge to reach over and capture Jack's lips with her own.

"I love you." She mimicked, instead taking Jack's hand and squeezing it tight.

"Don't leave me, okay?" Jack said, aware of how pathetic he sounded and not really caring. She loved him.

She loved _him. _

That's all he needed from her.

"Even when they come back to take me - don't leave me."

Kate smiled sadly, nodding slowly, and becoming aware of how tight Jack was holding on to her hand. She knew he was sick, somewhat _dillusional_. Or maybe he had spent so long living in fear it was all he knew.

But Juliet was right. He needed some kind of distraction. Too much time spent worrying and laying in pain was worse than torture. It was making him crazy and desperate, and it hurt her as much as it hurt him.

Jack was pressed up against her arm, and as she ran a comforting hand through his hair, his stomach decided to growl violently.

Distraction.

Kate was suddenly hit with an idea, a way to get Jack to relax, and give the two of them some alone time

"How about we get some food?" She said softly, trying to pry her fingers from Jack's grasp to no avail. "Jack?"

He looked up at her upon hearing his name, and she gestured towards her fingers, silently asking him to ease his grip. Jack stared at their intertwined hands, crinkling his brow.

"I - I can't - " He stuttered, and Kate understood, immediately going back to the idea of food. She really didn't need to make him feel more juvinile than he already did.

It was getting late, and was probably about seven at night. The other survivors were sitting around the fire and she knew Jack really couldn't take being anywhere near any of them. She knew they'd stare and ask questions. But he needed to eat properly for the first time in weeks.

Gazing out at the beach she eyes a collection of rocks in the distance, closing in a small area of the beach and creating a ravine, a retreat it was perfect. Far enough from the others that they would be alone, but close enough to camp in case anything happened she couldn't deal with.

"Come on, Jack." Kate said in a voice that was far to bubbly for Jack's liking. "We're going to have some fun tonight."

Jack started to feel sick. The last time Kate offered 'fun', it had ended with him passing out in the water and having things thrown at his face. That wasn't his idea of 'fun' in the slightest.

"I'm not going swimming." Jack promised anxiously, and Kate smiled.

"No, you're not." She laughed, getting to her feet and dragging his arm up in the process. His hand was still clutching her own.

Eventually, Jack got up, his scepticism not lost on Kate.

"I'm not leaving the camp." He continued while being dragged to the food area and watching while Kate filled her bag with some things he definitely wouldn't expect to see on the island, all marked with the same hexoagonal logos. Dharma Apple Cider, Dharma Crackers, Dharma Salami, and Dharma Cream Cookies all made their way into Kate's pack, along with some fresh fruit.

"Here, hold this.." She told Jack, handing him a container full of hot, cooked pasta. He relaxed his death-grip on her hand, and took up the food, examining it closely.

"How..?" Jack began, puzzled.

"The Dharma Initiative food drops - a whole heap of food." Kate explained, concentrating of ramming all the food into her pack without ruining it. "They used to live on the island, they wore these beige jumpsuits with this patch on the front.."

With that, she held up a plastic container full of ranch dressing and pointed to the logo. Jack swallowed hard.

"Where are we going?" He asked, pushing the dark thoughts from his mind.

Kate grinned cheekily and pulled her pack on to her shoulder.

"We," She said, "Are going to have a romantic picnic on the beach tonight."

At that, Jack genuinely smiled, allowing himself to be pulled away by the hem of his shirt...

* * *

_**So, there it was!**_

_**The next chapter will be Jack and Kate's romantic picnic...**_

_**Please R+R! :)**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**Hi! This is chapter 13, so sorry for the delay, I have been doing exams all last week so I didn't have time to finish this chapter until this morning! Thank you for the reviews and comments on the last chapter, and hopefully those with registered accounts got my memo that there was a re-upload - no major plot changes but I did re-write most of it due to exam-brain spelling and grammar problems! If you haven't checked it out, you might want to :)**_

_**x**_

_**Jangsty**_

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Kate laid a blanket on the sand, flattening it out the best she could and emptying the contents out of her bag.

Jack was hovering next to her hesitantly, and clutching the container of pasta close to his chest, eyeing her and his surroundings. He couldn't remember ever coming here before.

She had brought him to a sedate little hide-away, closed off from the rest of the world by a high wall of boulders, that they had climbed over to reach the sand. Jack liked that, he didn't feel exposed, and it meant he was free to enjoy himself for once. Just him, and Kate. In addition to the rocks, they were closed in by the waves. Although, they weren't threatening, they weren't terrifying - they just _were_. They didn't crash against the shore, instead, the gently lapped on to soft sand.

"Well sit down." Kate chirped, patting the blanket and breaking the silence. Jack did so uncomfortably, setting his container down at the centre and sitting down at the left corner. He watched her open her own pack, unloading cookies, salami, cider, crackers and two guava. She looked at the various packages and screwed her face up, and Jack could tell she was wishing the food would miraculously turn into a cheeseburger and fries.

"It's a.. _colourful _selection tonight..." he said in a weak attempt at humour, but when he noticed Kate placing salami on top of crackers, he cringed as he wondered what she was expecting him to eat.

"There hasn't been a food drop for a few weeks - so we're down to the basics I'm afraid", She said with a cheeky smile, handing him the cracker and watching him closely.

Jack popped it into his mouth, and to his surprise it actually tasted good. He supposed weeks being deprived of adequate food must have given him the ability to eat anything.

No sooner had he finished the first one, Kate had handed him another. It was clear she was trying to fatten him up, ensure she had actually seen him eat something when Juliet started to pester her about it. As she watched him, Jack started to feel strange. It wasn't her eyes not-so-subtly watching him, and it wasn't even the strange foods. His mind was in a state of panic. He registered the food in front of him, and he knew there was plenty to go around - but he still fought the urge to take it all and hide it away in his pocket. He felt like he should be saving it in case -

_"You should eat something, Jack."_

_The voice belonged to Ben, his bright blue eyes -always so vivid in Jack's memories - bore into him. Ben was mocking him. There was no food here. He was sitting in a cage outside their testing facilities, exposed to the elements and slowly starving to death. There was water running from a burst pipe. Sour. Metallic. But he didn't care for it. He needed food._

_Jack didn't open his mouth. He refused to look at Ben, or into those eyes, ever again. Yet, Ben seemed to know what he was thinking._

_"Press the red button. Work out the trap, get a snack."_

_He was saying it in a rhyme. Like he was enjoying this. Jack was the entertainment - the monkey at the zoo - and Ben was the kid throwing stones through the solid bars._

_Jack gazed at the button. He'd pressed it, nothing had happened, so he'd given up._

_"We turned it off, but it's on now.." Ben says, and he disappears as the sun rises - like a shadow._

_Jack is alone. It's later now. Midday. He needs food or he's going to die. But he won't press the button or try to work out the puzzle, because that means he would be giving up._

_And giving up is worse than death. It means he fails, he looses - and Ben wins._

_There is a white haze, and Jack hears a siren, a warning alarm. He feels his hand reach out and touch the button even though he tells himself not to - and he knows it's not the first time._

_His hands connects, and he feels his feet lift off the ground as he flies across the cage and smacks into the walls of his prison._

_There is a haze._

_When Jack awakes, he sees a fish shaped cracker and a note._

_"Congratulations Jack. But it only took the bears two hours."_

Jack squeezed his eyes shut, struggling to regain composure. It had been the most vivid and surprisingly complete memory he'd had so far. Not the most terrifying, but definitely one of the most confusing. He'd been shocked by a red button, for a cracker? It made him abruptly drop the one he was holding into his lap. He could feel Kate's eyes on him, glaring. No doubt concerned. He didn't want her to be, really, he was fine. She had gone out of her way to make him smile and he wasn't going to ruin their picnic no matter what he remembered.

"Can you hear me?" Kate asked, her hand on Jack's shoulder, and looking as if she was just about ready to pounce on him. He knew she had been repeating the question over and over while he had zoned out, and at last he nodded dumbly.

"Did you see something?"

She knew her question was invalid. Of course he had. Kate could see his hands shaking and his face had paled. Yet, when he answered her with a simple, _'No', _she watched as he mimicked her confusion and even decided to take up the cracker again.

"Look," Jack whispered almost immediately - he wasn't going to lie, shaking his head solemnly and setting his gaze out to sea. "I don't want to think about any of this tonight, okay? Let's just.. let's just eat."

Kate nodded sympathetically, and didn't push him, even though fibre of her being urged her to. She wanted to know what he had seen and if it was anything she could help him understand. But, she distracted herself by serving up the pasta - it would be Jack's first proper meal back home - and she was determined to make it special.

"You'll like this," She started, changing the subject and handing Jack an old oceanic instant meal container full of cream colored twirls, "Hurley's a fantastic cook -"

"-Hurley made this?"

"Yeah!" Kate explained with a smile. "He's also great with the meat we bring back from hunts. He figured because he couldn't really help catch the boars - he could at least cook them for us. He makes this marinate - it's amazing."

"I must try it sometime.." Jack replied, letting his eyes drift over to Kate while he spooned the food into his mouth. "But this is _really_ good."

Kate was trying in vain to open to bottle of cider, and Jack laughed as he watched her struggle with it for a moment before she placed it in his lap for him to open. Lifting it up, Jack could see that on the bottle, there were no markings of any sort other that the strange hexagonal logo and 'CIDER' printed in thick black letters. Flipping it in his hands and managing to shimmy the cork from the top, he asked the obvious.

"Is this alcoholic?"

"Oh, come on Jack. Live a little. It's cider, not absinthe.."

Jack grinned and took a swig from the bottle. After years of watching his father get drunk and throw his weight around, he had never been much of a drinker himself. Yet, the weeks of cold unknown that crept up on him every now and then made him want to grab the entire bottle and run away with it. However he didn't really think he could drink himself into oblivion on cider alone, and spending a night with Kate actually seemed more appetising.

"Easy, Jack - save some for me!"

Jack flushed and handed the bottle to Kate, who accepted it with a cheeky _'thank you.'_

"So, Kate." Jack had to inquire, "Were exactly is the hard liquor?"

"Well, Jack." Kate mimicked, "We drank it all."

"Are you serious?"

"No. About a week after you left, there was a food drop. There was alcohol.. but no one knew whether or not you'd need it when you got back.."

Jack let out a dry laugh, taking the bottle from Kate and studying the contents. "I'm not that much of a drinker, actually." He admitted and Kate playfully slapped him.

"Not for drinking," She said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "For doctor-ing and stuff."

"Oh, for doctoring.." Jack mocked, and she slapped him again.

"And stuff..."

Kate reached over and opened a packet of cream cookies, offering them to Jack in exchange for the bottle.

"All gone." He said honestly, even turning the bottle upside down and shaking it when Kate peered over to see if he was lying. She frowned, but threw him the cookies regardless. He dived into them just as a yellow fruit caught his eyes.

"Guava." He exclaimed and Kate smiled. The memories of Kate and himself, crouching next to the waterfall in the caves as he handed her the seeds would forever be imprinted in his mind. It was his way of apologizing, perhaps, her way too. But, he had to admit something when Kate asked him if he wanted one.

"I don't like them.." He said, and Kate raised her eyebrow, laying down on the blanket and propping herself up on one elbow. "Yet you brought me some guava seeds for my garden?"

Jack shrugged, opening his mouth and closing it again. He didn't know what to say. So he told her the truth.

"Well, I remembered a few nights after we crashed you were sitting by the fire eating a guava. Then we had that.. disagreement... so I went into the jungle, cut one open, extracted the seeds and brought them to you."

Kate laughed, pushing the leftover food from the blanket and pulling Jack by the hand so he would lay down next to her and gaze up at the stars.

"That's cute," She said, locking eyes with him. "But I'm pretty sure I wasn't eating a guava - because they're disgusting."

Jack smiled at the irony. "Well," He said, "Next time I'll just bring you a mango."

"Next time we have a 'disagreement' that is..."

"Sure will."

Kate was smiling, and her smile wasn't going away. Her eyes teared and Jack was a little bit scared, he didn't know what was wrong. That was, until he realised she was trying to suppress laughter, and very unsuccessfully.

"What?" Jack asked, confused, and she shook her head and pointed to her own lip.

"You have something right here." She explained, and Jack quickly rubbed his face, but Kate kept laughing. "Other side, Jack." She whispered quietly, as if other people were around, and then watched as he scraped at his face in horror.

_"Is it gone?"_

_"No."_

_"Now?"_

_"No..."_

Eventually, Kate decided to get it for him. She placed both hands on the side of his face and brought him closer to her. Jack let himself be drawn nearer to her, and stared into her eyes. He wasn't exactly sure what she was doing, but he was very willing to go along with it regardless.

Kate could feel Jack's breath on her face. The distance between them was minimal, and overcome by sudden desire - perhaps due to being drunk on _cider_ - she inched closer and closed the gap with her lips. At the same time, managing to remove the slither of chocolate stuck to his top lip.

Almost instantly, Jack pulled away. Kate questioned if she'd done something wrong, but her fears dissolved when she saw he was grinning.

"What?" She questioned, bobbing her head to catch his gaze. He looked up at her shyly, a blush creeping up his neck and across his cheeks.

"Come on, Jack." She laughed, "Just say it."

"You taste like pasta sauce" He said quietly, and Kate rolled her eyes.

"Well, " She began, pressing her lips against Jack's ears "You taste like cider.. and you're drunk."

"No I'm -"

"Oh, yes you are."

They parted briefly, and Kate wasn't laughing anymore. Instead, her face was one of seriousness and Jack could only mirror her expression.

"I missed you so much," She admitted, "Everyday. I couldn't stand being stuck here without you."

Jack nodded, what else could he say? He didn't know if he'd missed her. He couldn't remember anything at all...

_"Do you love her?" It was an eerie voice, shrill yet powerful. So familiar, yet not a voice belonging to a friend. Ben._

Jack physically shook that voice from his head, confusion hitting him. Never before had Kate shown him such genuine and raw emotion. Before they kidnapped him, Jack was sure she's chosen Sawyer. _He _believed they had a connection. They were both decent people, simply misunderstood. Two individuals that had deserved a second chance - a chance they would play out in each others arms on this god forsaken island.

Yet, any doubt Jack had was answered by the next four words Kate uttered.

_"It was always you."_

Jack knew what Kate wanted. So leaning forward only slightly, he parted the small gap between their lips and kissed her passionately. Yet, he did so tentatively. Overwhelming doubt still prevented him from expressing his true feelings, but he knew he could force himself to respond physically - and that might explain things to Kate more accurately. So, even though it pained him -the added stress, and the constant feelings of self-consciousness and embarrassment that hung over him like a dark cloud even at the thought of acting on impulse, and of someone loving him regardless of his fears - he began to run his hands down her body.

As he did so, his heart pounded. It wasn't the usual nervousness he always felt, but something far more serious. The panic was restricting. It was the feeling that Kate was with him because she knew he needed her. Not because she loved him.

Sawyer had the looks, the brawn, the intelligence and wit that Jack, himself, lacked. Sawyer was sweet - _well at least to Kate_- he made her smile, and he never seemed to anger or frustrate her. Not like Jack did.

Jack knew Kate would be happier with Sawyer. He didn't need looking after. He was so much stronger than Jack was. As far as Jack knew, Sawyer didn't faint from fear when a woman kissed him, he didn't panic when he got his feet wet, and he didn't wake in the night, freezing cold and shaking because the monsters had come for him again in his dreams.

There was too, a voice of reason in Jack's mind. The voice that cried out "_But Sawyer wasn't kidnapped.. Sawyer wasn't tortured" _But it was Ben's voice. Trying to lull his lucid mind into relaxing on a false sense of security.

The more Jack let the thoughts roll around in his head, the more he began to doubt Kate's love for him. He remembered when Sawyer had been stabbed by Sayid, she had stayed and nursed him back to health - then she had left when he was better. It suddenly clicked, cold realisation making it's way up his spine in tiny, but violent pin pricks. Kate didn't care for him. She _pitied _him, and she felt guilty that he was kidnapped right from under her nose. And as soon as he got over his trauma and reclaimed his position as leader of the survivors, she would leave him too.

He felt sick. Sick everyday. He knew without medications and intensive therapy - assistance he knew he would only find when, and if, they were rescued - he wasn't ever going to be one hundred percent again. He couldn't bear the thought of Kate loosing interest long before he was healed, leaving him when he needed her the most.

Jack was pulled out of this thoughts as he felt Kate respond to the kiss, parting her lips slightly, as she too, began to run her hands up and down his strong back. She wasn't careful enough to avoid the cuts and tears that hadn't yet fully healed, and Jack winced in pain. There was so much pain and confusion, his mind wouldn't work properly, and acting on instinct felt scary and dangerous.

Kate was touching him, her hands flying all over him. Like a thousand needles pricking his skin. Her touch made him feel nauseous, dizzy - and not in a good way. She was _hurting_ him and it wasn't anything to do with the cuts this time. It was like an ice burn all over his body, the skin she touched seemed to explode in cold bursts and the pain was unbearable. As her hands inched higher, roughly gliding over his skin, his chest felt tight. He couldn't catch his breath as he anticipated that any moment, she would grab on to his neck and start to strangle him.

As much as Jack was in pain, Kate was enjoying this. She _liked _his touch, his scent. And _liking_ this, meant she liked him. That she would stay with him, and that she wouldn't loose interest and go back to Sawyer.

So, although it he didn't want to, and he knew he wasn't ready to be intimate with anyone so soon after being terrorised, he steadied himself, straddling Kate effortlessly and planting butterfly kisses down her neck. He felt her groan very softly and he unsuccessfully attempted to force his blood supply south.

He felt dirty. He felt like he was using Kate, and was being used _by _her. She must have noticed something, _his reluctance, _because when he opened his eyes - he hadn't even realised they had been shut - she was staring at him sympathetically and once again holding his face in her hands.

Somehow their lips had parted, and he had fallen from her, as they both lay on their sides.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked weakly, and Kate looked sorry.

"I can't do this, Jack." She whispered, "You're so sick.. I just can't. It feels wrong."

Even if it wasn't clear to Jack, Kate could tell he wasn't up to this simply by his inability to respond to her touch. She knew if she called him on it, or made any judgement that _he_ didn't want to, or _he_ couldn't, it would humiliate him and make him feel even worse than he probably already did.

"Okay." Jack replied simply, trying not to let Kate know how relieved he really was.

There was an awkwardness in the air. Jack had sat up and was staring at the ground, and Kate followed him, placing a delicate hand on his shoulder.

"I love you, Jack." She said, hoping that would fix everything. Kate knew Jack doubted her, she knew he was hurt and had such low self-esteem he was willing to see the worse in himself and truly believed he was unlovable. He didn't look up at her, so she moved to be in front of him, and gently caressing the smooth skin.

"I can't do this." He whispered, shaking his head in despair, broken. "Not while I know they're going to come back for me... it hurts when you touch me. It burns..."

Kate decided to dismiss Jack's first comments. He didn't believe that they were finished with him, and she decided to leave Juliet to convince him that they were. What concerned her was the pain she caused him simply at her touch. She was holding his face, and he didn't so much as wince. Moving her hand, she lay two fingers on his own - he looked, but didn't respond.

"Does it still hurt?" She asked, and he shook his head as another wave of confusion hit him squarely in the face, harder than Sawyer's fist. Kate couldn't tell if he was lying or not, but she removed her hands just in case.

"What can I do Jack?" Kate asked, her own voice as broken as his own. She blamed herself for everything. Every time she tried to help him, she would end up hurting him. And now, she had pushed him so far, he was allergic to her touch. "I want you to tell me if I can do anything to make you feel even a little bit better."

Jack didn't hesitate, his eyes locked with hers and she was sure he wasn't even blinking. Something has spooked him. She didn't know if it had been the first flash he'd had that evening, or whatever thoughts had been going around in his mind when she kissed him.

_"Tell me you love me, tell me you're not going to leave me for Sawyer." _

"I love you." Kate repeated desperately, her fingertips now hovering above Jack's head, gently sweeping down to bat away his dark hair as she was careful to avoid his skin.

"And I would _never_ leave you for Sawyer. Maybe Hurley.. but not Sawyer."

Jack didn't even crack a smile, and Kate found herself assuring him she was joking and that she was with him for as long as he wanted her.

She didn't know what else to do other than help him lay down. Sleep fixed everything, she thought. Her hands met Jack's shoulders in the process and to her surprise, he grabbed them, clutching on for dear life as he brought them to lay across his chest. Kate positioned herself next to him so he could hold on to her hands for as long as he needed them. That was probably going to be all night, so she might as well get comfortable.

_"It doesn't hurt now." _He explained, reading her thoughts. She nodded, although he didn't see it, turning away from her and presumably falling asleep.

Kate did the same, and only when Jack was sure she was asleep, did he let the silent tears fall.

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**_Hopefully Jack and Kate's romantic picnic didn't turn too angsty.. I tried to make it realistic though. Thoughts?_**

**_Please review or comment if you are reading, especially if you've added this to favourites/alerts. They do make me write a lot faster, and I love to know I'm not wasting my time. I also want hear your opinions on what should happen in later chapters :)_**


	14. Chapter 14

_**Hi! Sorry it's been so long since my last update I have had so many exams that I have had NO time at all! This chapter is a tad shorter than the others, but I wanted to get something up while I had some time :) Hopefully it will reveal something important about Jack's stay with the others...**_

_**x**_

_**Jangsty**_

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_Jack's feet fall against the sand softly, methodically. He cannot feel the tiny goosebumps crawl up his arms, or the hairs stand up on the back of his neck as his body trembles, shivering in the cold._

_His eyes are open, yet, he cannot see the fresh sea air catch his loose fitting dress shirt or watch the thin fabric shaking in the wind. His eyes are blind to reality. Instead, a familiar white, hazy light floods his hazel orbs, bringing with it terrifying visions -memories - that he sees replay over and over as he nears the water._

_The once calm and almost inviting ocean, with waves that gently lapped against the shoreline, had changed. They crash against the rocks and enclose him, spraying him with icy cold water against a backdrop of a purple, turbulent sky. Even though his eyes are blurry and unfocused, Jack can make out, and in the distance, what appears to be a small fishing boat._

_He watches it approach, battling the rough seas in order to get closer to him. But he isn't as foolish to chase it this time, he can't even feel himself panicking. In fact - he's laughing. Jack knows it's them, but he also knows what he sees isn't real. He knows any moment Kate will arrive and wrap her arms around him, show him it isn't a boat - it's just a piece of drift wood floating in the surf - tell him they aren't coming back for him, tell him he is safe. _

_Turning his head, Jack's eyes hover over the sand. They search for the blanket Kate had delicately laid on the the ground, the empty cider bottle and the dharma-stamped cardboard boxes, but all has vanished. Everything is gone, and so is Kate._

_Jack's chest tightens, as sudden, immense fear washes over him. He spins on the spot, scanning the darkened beach for any sign of her vivid orange t-shirt and flowing brown locks. _

_"Kate!" He calls, voice weak, and there is no response. No reassuring voice, no soothing hands. No Kate._

_"Hey!"_

_Then, a voice answers his cry. A young, very familiar voice - and a voice Jack really doesn't want to hear._

_"Hey! I'm talking to you!"_

_Her eyes are red. Alex's. She looks menacing, evil, nothing like the sweet girl that had helped him escape the others. Her anger is clear as she barks the words at him._

_"You killed my mother!"_

_"Ka.. Kate." He feels himself stutter pathetically, terrified by the anger of a sixteen year old child. He doesn't know whether or not he is trying to tell Alex that _Kate_ had been the one to kill her mother, or if he's trying to call out her name so she would come and save him. But given his overwhelming dependence on her, he guessed it was the latter._

_He needed her to hear him call, to come and make sense of everything. If not Kate, then anyone. Juliet, Hurley - he'd even take Sawyer._

_But then, almost instantly, Alex disappears and Jack is left even more confused and alone. The sea is now all that is in sight, and he watches the waves crash against the cliffs as the tide quickly approaches, bringing with it an array of colors. Browns, reds, and whites. Blurry, and almost transparent, but he can't pull his eyes from the chaos._

_It takes Jack a full minute to work out what the colors are -disfigured, burnt, bloodied bodies wearing the dhama initiative overalls._

_His eyes fixed on the madness and macabre before him as they begin to focus. He tries to look away from the horror, but it is as if there are invisible hands around his shoulders, clawing at his eyes, forcing them open - forcing him to watch. _

_It all looks too familiar, like he's seen them all before. A different setting maybe, but the same dead, bleeding bodies._

_There are screams coming from the water. From the bodies, from his mind and from his own mouth. The harder he looks, the clearer the faces become and Jack realises they all belong to the french woman. He physically jumps, falling back against the sand when he sees the real french woman - as far as he can tell - is standing only inches away. Dressed in bloody rags, and head cracked and bleeding. A black chord clutched tightly in her white hand, and Kate's equally bloody, broken body lays at her feet._

_Jack hears himself repeat Kate's name over and over as he watches her get to her knees, inching closer to his face. Her cold breath sticks to his face, and a chill runs through his body. Her eyes are open, bloodshot and feverish. She's angry, and that's clear enough, but, he sees pity when she looks at him, and watches her shake her head as he repeats her name. _

_"I love you, Jack." He hears her say, and she doesn't sound completely genuine. Her voice is sarcastic, patronising, and as she speaks, she runs a finger down the side of his face slowly."But you don't love me. You couldn't even sleep with me. Why not, Jack?."_

_He doesn't know the answer, he doesn't know why. But, he opens his mouth to respond. He stutters the words out, eyes still flying left and right in search of someone to help him - looking for the real Kate._

_"I.. don't know"._

_Jack wants to continue, but his words catch as the french lady's gun comes down and strikes Kate across the head. Blood splatters across his face, and he watches her die, instantly. He watches her body sag, fall forward against his chest, pushing him back down against the cold sand. _

_Blood runs from her wound, pooling under his chin and Jack feels his heart physically stop, his entire body flashes hot and cold as he looks around for help. He can't find the strength to move her from him, hell, he can't find the strength to _cry_. So he lays, struck dumb, against the hard ground._

_It's the middle of the night, but even so, he can make out Juliet's and Sawyer's dead bodies to his left. Hurley's, Charlie's and Claire's. When he sees a small pile of bundled blankets in Claire's arms he is too numb to register what, or who, it is. _

* * *

When Kate awoke the the sound of someone splashing around in the surf, she didn't think anything of it. She assumed it was Jin checking the nets to see if they'd caught any fish the night before. That was, until she remembered where she was, a secluded, private part of the beach that to her knowledge, Jin - _or anyone else for that matter_ - knew nothing about.

Cracking her eyes open and stretching out in the sand, Kate froze when she realised it was still pitch black. Too early for Jin to be fishing, and too early for her to be waking up. She flipped over on to her side, worrying if the usual thrashing around that came with Jack's disturbed and nightmarish sleep, had woken her up for a third time that night. She rubbed her eyes tiredly and then reached an arm over, absently feeling around for his body. Yet, when her arm fell to the ground and met cold, crinkled bedsheets she shot up, heart beginning to race when she realized his darkened outline was nowhere to be seen.

He was gone.

Immediately jumping to her feet and expecting the worse - terrified that he had decided to follow another cable into the jungle, or that the Others really _had_ come back for him - Kate's eyes scanned the water. Not surprisingly, as far as she could see, he wasn't in it. She spun around, meeting the face of the cliffs that closed them in. The only way to get back to the campsite was to climb over the rocks, and Kate hoped he hadn't tried to in the dark, and fallen. As she neared them, she realised that thankfully, that wasn't the case, and when she heard more splashing, she turned around to see Jack waddling into the water.

He was in the far corner, disguised in the shadows. Kate stood in confusion as she watched him take a few more steps, the water now up to his knees.

"Jack?" She asked, calling his name across the beach, and waiting for him to turn around and acknowledge her. "What are you doing?"

He didn't respond in the slightest. It was like he hadn't heard her - or he was purposefully _ignoring_ her.

Kate started off in a run, wading through the water and coming to a halt right before Jack. She repeated his name, and again, he didn't respond. His eyes were glazed, mouth agape and face contorted while his mind was fixed on some kind of unknown horror.

She lay a gentle hand on his shoulder, not really knowing what else to do. She asked him what was wrong, and if he was alright, but neither question got an answer. Kate began to assume he really was _purposefully ignoring_ her or was, for some reason, angry with her. Yet, the fact that he'd wondered into the ocean -the thing that scared hm the most on the island - for no particular reason told her otherwise. It told her he was caught in some kind of hallucination.

He was pushing against her absently, trying to carry on into the ocean - that was now up to his waist - with outstretched arms.

She feared what might have happened if she hadn't found him in time, and images of Jack, dazed and confused, stumbling up the beach and into the surf flooded her mind. She watched him walk further and further in to the wide open ocean, his body collapsing into the waves. Unable to swim back towards shore, or to save himself, she watched him die. She saw his lifeless body laying on the beach under the boiling hot sun, bloated and covered in seaweed. She saw herself holding him, crying over him, feeling an immense pain in her chest. Something like grief - fear - and overwhelming sadness.

Kate furiously shook her head and pushed those thoughts away, she refused to dwell on them - Jack was fine. She had saved him before anything bad could happen. She turned her attention to trying to wake him up - to make him hear her and to understand. She tried to hold his hands, but he pulled them away. She tried to hold him in place, but the while the water was only up to Jack's waist, Kate worried how close she was to being completely emerged. His unwillingness made Kate angry. She didn't want to be, and she knew he was probably in hell right now and the last thing he needed was to be brought out of his trance by someone who wasn't the least bit understanding, so she bit down hard on her lip to keep herself from loosing it.

"Can you even hear me?" Kate asked again, yet, her question wasn't entirely directed at Jack, for she already knew the answer. He responded by mumbling something inaudible, - words that Kate doubted were little more than grunts and noise - and continued to point into the distance, far out past the horizon line. Mouth still open in shock, and brow creased.

Kate didn't need to turn her head to know whatever Jack was seeing wasn't really there. Yet, curiousity caught her, and she followed his outstretched arm. It came as no surprise when she found nothing more that a choppy sea illuminated by moonlight.

"There's nothing out there, Jack." She explained, words falling on deaf ears, "You're hallucinating - dreaming."

_Dreaming_? Everything started to make sense.

She brought her left hand up to rest on his cheek, "You're sleepwalking aren't you?"

Obviously, he didn't respond, and continued to stare dumbly out to sea. Kate sighed, rubbing her temple and looking worriedly around the beach. She knew it was far too early for anyone to be around to help her, but there was really nothing else she could do except wait for help. It wasn't like she could pick him up and move him - she was having a hard enough time trying to prevent him from waking further into the ocean.

She looked once again at Jack, and suddenly, he let out a weak and whiny cry, beginning to back away from the ocean and struggle out of her embrace.

"Boat.." He whispered, and Kate contemplated explaining everything again, but she knew he couldn't hear her, and she'd really had enough. She was freezing, wet and tired. He was too, and it was time for him to wake up. In a last attempt, before she would have to physically slap him out of it, she scooped some water with her hands and pressed her palm against Jack's cheeks and forehead. Instantly, he gripped on to her arms, squeezing his eyes shut and opening them again, then looking around in disarray.

"Where -" He started, but he cut himself off as he became aware he was standing waist-deep in ocean water.

"Let's go to bed.." Kate tried, easily leading Jack out of the water and back to their place on the beach. He followed without protest, yet his gaze and outstretched arm were still firmly planted on the ocean.

When she lifted the blankets from the sand and wrapped them around his body, he decided to speak.

"I saw a boat.." She heard him say, voice low and eyes not quite meeting hers. "And bodies.. I killed them Kate. I killed them all."

"You didn't _kill_ anyone, Jack.."

"Yes I did. I saw Alex too - and the French lady -"

"_I_ killed her, you didn't -

" - and I saw them, with the jumpsuits. They were laying in the ocean, blood everywhere. I killed them, I just know I did."

Kate protested, she wasn't going to have Jack believe something as completely wrong and untrue as that.

"That's crap, Jack." She spit out, "It was a dream - you were hallucinating, it was probably all that cider.."

"It was a memory." Jack responded, unfazed by Kate's words, his voice remaining dreamy and distant. "You don't know. You can't understand."

Kate wasn't going to argue. He was right, she didn't understand. But hopefully Juliet would. Kate, herself, was too angry to offer any words of encouragement. Not angry at Jack, but at the Others - at whoever was responsible for hurting him so badly it had become so _easy_ for him to believe such terrible things about himself - to believe he was a murderer. He wasn't the Jack Kate had known. However much she loved him, she knew they had changed him.

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**_Next chapter will be heaps longer, and there will definitely be some uninterrupted Jack/Kate cuteness, and heaps of angst :) Please R+R!_**


	15. Chapter 15

_**Hi! Well at long (very long) last, I have an update. For those who PM'd me, and to anyone else who may be worried - I will definitely be finishing this fanfic if enough people remain interested (so keep reviewing :). **_

_**((If you're interested, I haven't lost interest in this story, I live in New Zealand, and our school years run from March - November, so I have been cramming from my final exams next week *wishmeluck* due to this, there is probably a whole heap of spelling/grammar errors in this chapter I will go back and correct later))**_

_**Now that's been explained, here is chapter 15! I know I promised angst AND Jate cuteness, but this is my first loooong story, so I really had (and still have) no idea how long chapters will be once the ideas have been inserted, so I have once again delayed this to the NEXT chapter. The point of this chapter is to kinda 'foreshadow' something.. I'm sure you can all work out what :)**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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Jack knew he'd promised Juliet he would go and talk to her, let her try to help him deal with everything that was going on in his head. But, when he awoke the next morning to find Kate had vanished from his side, he just knew she'd already found Juliet and spread the news of his midnight escapades. So he decided to hide. Or rather, busy himself with tidying his make-do hospital in the caves that day.

Sitting down on the dirty cave floor, Jack let his eyes drift around the shelter, finding nothing but empty water bottles strewn about, amongst old clothes and suitcases, Oceanic blankets and food wrappers. He sighed. Although he knew he owed the other survivors weeks of chores, tidying the cave was going to be a long and tedious process. it would however, keep his mind of everything - especially if he could locate Hurley's misplaced walk-man to listen to as he worked - and the 6-foot high stacks of old linen piled up against the wall may come in handy to hide behind, should anyone come looking for him.

So he rolled up his sleeves and got to work. Thinking he might start with sorting the clothing into 'practical' and 'non-practical' he used his feet to kick the bits of rag into the centre of the cave. Yet, he stopped suddenly as his foot connected with something small, and he heard a crack as he stood on it and smashed it to pieces.

Assuming the mystery item was a pair of old glasses, he bent down and pulled back the clothes that covered it, only to find it was - or had been - a transparent, orange tinted plastic container full of tiny white pills.

Curious, Jack creased his brow, examining the pills as they lay on the ground. His mind was hazy, it had been so long since he had practised medicine that even though he knew he should recognize whatever they were just at a glance, he had no idea.

They were relatively small and white, with a straight line indented across the centre. He knew they weren't common aspirin, or some kind of over-the-counter medicine, but given the lack of entertainment or eventfulness of the island, he found himself unusually intrigued as to what they were.

The orange container was smashed to pieces, and even as he looked though the pile of clothes, he could find no label to tell him what the pills where or who they had belonged to. So, decidedly gathering them in his hand, he poured them into his pocket. Even if he didn't know what they were, Juliet might, and besides, he wasn't going to let any kind of medicine get thrown away with the rags.

* * *

Surprisingly, after an hour and a half of rigorous cleaning, the cave was looking spotless and Jack was admittedly quite proud of himself. He hadn't found a label for the pills, or Hurley's walk-man, but he did recover a spare set of strings that had 'conveniently gone missing' from Charlies guitar case around the same time he had awoken to find the A and E strings missing from the instrument itself, wrapped in a pair of underwear and hidden under a rock.

He pocketed them, slinging his backpack on and heading to the beach in search of Charlie. He wanted to check on Claire and Aaron anyway, and he knew if Juliet caught up with him, he had a valid excuse why he was avoiding her - he was caring for a mother and her baby. Juliet couldn't pull him away from that!

Turning on his heel, he started for the exit, suddenly in a better mood than he had been in a long time. He was proud, doing things for himself - for the survivors - even if it was only minimal, and he couldn't wait to see the look on Charlie's face when he became the one to enable the rockstar to be able to play his guitar again. Yet, as he looked ahead, he was instead met with something that wiped the grin right off his face.

"Where have you been, Jack?"

It was Juliet, and Kate.

They both looked annoyed, and stood side by side with arms crossed.

It was Kate who spoke first, inspecting the cave as she continued, "You promised Juliet you would go talk to her this morning, so why are you at the caves - did you forget?"

She asked him softly, like he was old and loosing his mind. Either that, or he was young, and couldn't understand the simple instruction. Of course he hadn't forgotten, but he wouldn't tell her that. If he told the truth, that he was avoiding them both, she'd be angry, and if he admitted he didn't want to talk about his capture because every time he remembered something he either felt sick or completely broke down, she would smother him with pity, and he didn't want that either.

"Yes."

There was a pause, and the women looked at each other worriedly. Juliet moved forward and placed an hand on Jack's arm, leading him forward as Kate began to pull down his nicely folded blankets to the ground so they had somewhere to sit.

"Kate's going to sit in with us today," She explained, and Jack eyed her, now _he_ was worried.

He didn't get a choice. Juliet had clearly made up her mind what he was doing today, whether he liked it or not.

"Did you clean in here?" Kate asked cutting through the silence, after seeing Jacks face and obvious disapproval. In turn, he nodded slightly, looking down at the ground. _Maybe he shouldn't have. it wasn't _his _shelter anymore after all..._

"Come on, sit down," Juliet pushed, patting the ground so Jack would follow. They sat in front on him, waiting for him to complete their triangle. But he didn't. Or rather, couldn't.

All he could think of was the last time Juliet had tried to help him. Sure, her words had made him feel safer - she'd told him they'd done with him, that they wouldn't come back - but then he had gotten too confident, and found himself kidnapped. And she had made him remember his capture. Put names to the faces he saw over and over in his mind. Tom. Ben.

He knew today could only be more intense, it had been about a week since his return, she probably thought he was over the initial shock. Perhaps he was. He didn't know anymore.

"I don't want to talk today, thank you." Jack said politely, nervous, and his voice coming out barely above a whisper as he slowly began to back away from the women.

Neither one moved to grab him as he had feared, instead, it seemed like they had purposefully planned not to force him into anything, and had conceived a 'plan of attack' prior to entering the cave. He knew they were watching him as he paced, and he felt like some kind of wild animal, and they were poaches, waiting for him to step in to their trap on his own accord.

He looked up finally, eyes locking with Kate's.

_Traitor_.

After about five minutes, he sat down against the far wall, keeping his eyes firmly planted on the women. He had given up on pacing, it was harder to keep his eyes on them.

Although, when he gave up and sat down, Jack found the silence to be deadly. And Juliet just didn't know how much that upset him. As he watched them, all he could think of -_the only possible solution he could come to _- was that they were angry. Both of them. At him. And their method of torture was the exclusion and loneliness he felt by being left in silence. Silence only gave him a means to reflect on what they could be thinking about him, and what they had discussed about him before they'd entered the cave.

Lost in thoughts, he could feel himself beginning to panic as his pulse quickened. The thoughts flew around in his head, screaming. There was so much noise. Even as the three of them sat in complete silence. And it drove him insane.

He knew he _was_ insane.

While the yelling continued to sound in his head, he knew it was telling him to keep his distance. Yet, his body ached to be closer to Kate, she always knew how to make everything better.

Almost involuntarily, he found himself moving back towards the women, body winning over mind this time. He wanted to sit with Kate, but he had to make them realize that was all he was up for that day.

"I don't want to talk." He tried again, yet knowing he had lost the battle of wills, as he accepted a reassuring smile from Juliet.

"I promise, Jack" She breathed, voice slow and drawly as she tried to make him understand. "You'll be okay - we don't have to talk about your capture, this is about last night."

Sure.

Jack knew -and Juliet did to- everything was linked to his capture. A direct result of whatever unknown horrors befell him. Yet, he nodded. He guessed anything was better than being ignored, or gaped at, or having to suffer through the screaming in his head amongst the terrifying silence.

As he nodded he felt something fall on to his knee, resisting the urge to bat it away. He saw it was only Kate's hand. It burned. _Really burned_. And it burned cold, like Kate's fingertips were solid chunks of ice that stuck to his skin. But he decided to grit his teeth and smile, he supposed it wasn't that bad.

"You really scared me last night, Jack," Kate began to admit,"You were walking in to the water and I couldn't stop you. You didn't know what you were doing. You could have _drowned. _What then, Jack..?"

Jack nodded solemnly, his mouth forming the word 'okay', as he felt it was necessary to agree with her. He listened to her words, _'What then, Jack...?'_ He didn't know 'what then'. He imagined himself drowning, and Kate standing over his decaying corpse, crying for him. He imagined her just as afraid as he was, and having no one to cling to for support. He knew how much it hurt him just thinking about it, and he felt the guilt building as he thought of his sleepwalking, and how things could have ended so disastrously.

"Kate.." Juliet said softly, shaking her head as she silently told the other woman to back down. There was another pause, and it was as if time stood still, the three of them staring intensely at one another. Jack's mind beginning to wonder once more, as he suddenly became aware that Juliet really did think he was crazy.

Kate had clearly told her what had happened during the night, and that, grouped with the way he had responded when she had tried to help him remember what had happened to him, only pointed to one thing. He knew Kate had already had concerns about his mental health, and he could almost picture the two of them carrying him off, kicking and screaming, to some kind of caged, on-island asylum.

"Do you remember anything that happened last night?" Juliet asked, breaking Jack's trail of thought, and he again, only nodded slowly. "Can you tell me about it?"

"I watched you _die_." Jack admitted, voice brimming with unshed emotion. "I was on the beach and the French lady was there, and her daughter. There were so many bodies in the water, they were all wearing the same jumpsuits like _they _wear. And Kate, she killed you with her gun. She killed everyone. Blood... everywhere.." He trailed of, suddenly grabbing the front of his shirt hastily and examining it, expecting to find the same sickly, sticky crimson mess running down his chest. It was more of a shock not the find anything, and he let out a panicked cry, taking chunks of his hair in his fists and holding on tight.

The stress was getting to him already, It was as if the thoughts only became real once he had to acknowledge them, or retell them to someone else. But none of that mattered. Juliet had lied. She said he was going to be okay. Liar.

"You promised.." He whispered, no legible words escaping his lips. He could feel Kate's hands on either side of his face - she always placed them there if she needed him to listen, to really hear her - and Juliet's voice ringing in his ears, something about calming down, but he refused to listen to her. He knew what he really needed.

"I need drugs." Jack said at last, first into Kate's ear, then louder so Juliet could hear. "I know you have my bag... and I need the drugs." Part of him really did, needed to blissful ignorance they promised, and the relief he would feel - even if it was only temporary.

Yet Juliet replied by shaking her head definitely, and Jack gained much the same response from Kate.

Still, he pushed for the one thing he wanted.

"I want the Valium. I had a box in with my medical bag before I.. before they took me. I want it back."

Juliet looked taken aback, her face clearly one of both shock and confusion. She shook her head, running a hand through her blond hair. Muttering something about Jack, and how he surely wasn't that stupid. She was interrupted however, by Jack continuing to push for the medication.

_"I'm a doctor too, Juliet, and I'm prescribing it to myself."_

_"Absolutely not."_

_"I want it, and I'm gonna have it!"_

"What else do you want, Jack?" Juliet's voice came out cold, and she fought back just as hard. "Do you want to get sick, do you want another seizure, do you want your heart to stop completely? I have told you before Jack, you don't know what they gave you, they run tests, they do experiments, and some of those drugs can take six weeks to leave your body!"

Her eyes bore into him. But Jack's mind had drifted elsewhere.

He had suddenly remembered the pills, piled high into his pocket. He had questioned whether or not to hand them over to Juliet, and although he knew it was the smarter option, as they would then be properly labeled and used to benefit the entire community - plus Juliet had most of the medical things now anyway - he decided to keep them. He knew if he gave them to her, he wasn't going to see them again. And what if they just happened to be anti-anxiety medication after all? Plus, he knew admitting to Juliet he had found them would only open up for more questions, where did you find these? how many did you take? - are you sure you didn't take any? He didn't need that.

He continued to think about the pills, even after Juliet's nagging subsided and Kate's commenced. He didn't justify their comments with a response. He was a grown man for gods sake, and a damn good doctor. He didn't need Juliet telling him what not to do, and Kate, the only person he really trusted, being sucked into it all.

"Why do you need the drugs?" Asked Juliet at last, pushing the sour tone from her voice. "I know it's hard but it's only been a week. Just give it time.."

"It's the nightmares, okay?" He spit the words out, like he couldn't bear to speak them. "Every night they get worse. Teach me how to make them go away, because I have no idea."

He didn't just ask Juliet, he asked both of them, and for the longest time, neither one answered.

It wasn't that she didn't want to answer him, Juliet just didn't know how. She was fast becoming very aware that healing him may be far more complicated than she had originally thought, and not something she could fix with therapy alone. He needed medication. But from a trained mental health professional, not from her. And even if she was to issue him with something, without doing proper evaluations and tests, the results could be dangerous. She didn't want to be the one responsible when he collapsed to the ground, or when his heart suddenly stopped. Especially considering that half the people at the camp didn't trust her at all, she would have nowhere to go if she _killed their doctor_. Their _leader_. So she answered the best she could, with common sense, a virtue she knew Jack and Kate both possessed - but one that was clouded by fear, pain and stress.

"Well," She began slowly, ensuring Jack clung to her every word, she knew her words were truthful - after all, she'd read a book about such things once. "The only thing you can do is try and pull yourself out of it. You have to tell yourself you're dreaming, and laugh at the bad things. You can't let yourself get scared."

Jack stared at her with a mixture of anger and bewilderment. He had just shared his nightmare with her, and she was telling him to laugh about it? Now that was impossible. He wasn't going to accept that. At least, he had decided he wasn't even going to try her ideas until her next words changed his mind.

"You're intelligent, Jack, you can reason." She said it something like a promise. "I know you can."

Forgetting that Kate was sitting next to him, he turned to her.

"Laugh." He said softly, repeating her words, his way of remembering. He gathered the courage to speak the next few words, "Can you stay with me tonight?"

He didn't get a reply, instead, he watched Kate nod as her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him close to her body.

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**_Please leave a review with your comments/feedback or even a 'please update' to let me know you're reading!_**

**_Next chapter : Kate helps Jack conquer one of his fears, and he tries out Juliet's advice..._**


	16. Chapter 16

**_Hi! It's been months, I know, but I do have a good excuse - my laptop died. Exploded, actually. I sent it off for repairs, no luck, so I got a new laptop. All my work was lost with the old laptop because I never backed up - in my defense, I only had it like.. a year.. :P Hopefully this is worth the wait :) (and I haven't lost too many readers! :O)_**

* * *

Jack sat inside Kate's tent, thankful for the shade it provided on such a hot day. He was propped up against the tree that grew awkwardly right through the far left of the shelter, his legs outstretched and hands resting in his lap. He looked out from his comfortable, safe position, at the rest of the survivors, all of whom seemed to be out swimming in the ocean or sunbathing on the beach. Even Claire and Aaron were frolicking in the surf, and he watched the young mother bend over every so often to collect seashells she was using to make a mobile for Aaron out of. He was sure that he was the only one inside and out of the sun - out of the water - but it didn't bother him as he sat in silence. He was however, slightly worried that Kate was nowhere to be seen amongst the others, and Jack prayed that a strong current hadn't picked her up and swept her out to sea...

He'd followed her back from the caves earlier, and listened to her tell him how he should become the hero of his nightmares, and fight the 'demons and monsters' (as she had put it) if he wanted to get better, repeating everything Juliet had just told him. It was so easy for her to say, and as the words fell out of her mouth, Jack knew she really couldn't understand how hard it was for him to put into practise. He really didn't expect her to, but she just had no idea. As soon as they'd arrived back at the beach he told her he needed some time by himself and let Kate push him inside her tent to relax. Hours later, he still sat in the same position, staring out at the surf.

He let his eyes travel from the beach, and around Kate's tent. He had done so much blank staring since coming back from captivity, and even he wasn't sure why. It was all just so different to what he remembered in so many ways. It smelled less sweet -less like Kate- and more like.. well he didn't quite know what, a mix between the ocean and the medicine he kept in his pack. The space also seemed smaller, but he guessed that might be due to the fact there were now two beds crammed inside.

He eyed his own bed for only a second before decidedly crawling on top of it, burring his face in the pillows and yawning widely. It was too hot to do anything but sleep, especially if he couldn't cool himself down in the ocean. Yet, he only lay still for a moment before getting back up abruptly as he felt something hard against his chest. Sliding back the array of blankets that loosely formed a make-do mattress, he discovered a very old, water damaged and dog-eared copy of _Oliver Twist_. The corner of page 14 was turned down, and Jack smiled to himself, instantly knowing it must be Kate's. There was no way she would ever get past page 14 in a book. There was far too many more exciting things to do on the island to sit and read.

Throwing the book on top of Kate's bed, Jack closed his eyes, once again attempting to take a nap. He listened to the sounds of the others on the beach, the water hitting the shore and the palm trees swaying in the wind. It was so quiet and peaceful, reminding him that as much as he wanted to go home, he had to admit it that having no serious responsibilities, and the opportunity to laze about all day when it was too hot to do anything else - was pretty great.

* * *

The next time he opened his eyes it was pitch black, and far cooler than it had been before, so much cooler in fact, that he could feel his skin was covered in goosebumps. Yawning as he stretched out his arms, Jack suddenly froze on the spot as he felt cold fingers gently sweeping up and down his back, tracing small, neat circles. More curious to who it was that afraid, he flipped over, meeting Kate's smiling face and a bucket of water that sat at her feet.

"Hey," She whispered, resting her hand on his shoulder "Were you sleeping?"

"I..ah, no," Jack slurred, still half asleep. He watched Kate roll her eyes, before gesturing towards an average, red plastic bucket full of water. Suddenly, Jack didn't like where this could be going.

She reached down deep, and pulled out a cream colored sponge, handing it to Jack.

"What is this?" Jack asked the obvious, examining the device in his hand like it was something he'd never seen before in his life. Kate, played along.

"Jack, Sponge. Sponge, Jack."

Now Jack shot Kate a look.

"Listen, " Kate explained, her voice dropping to barely a whisper, "Juliet said the best way for me to help you, is to work on conquering your fears..."

At this point, Jack actually laughed.

"It's a bucket of water, Kate... I'm not afraid of a bucket of water."

Kate looked disappointed. Not because she had wanted to be the hero to save Jack from the irrational fear, but because he was so unwilling to acknowledge that starting small was the only way to conquer the problem.

"Well that's good," She replied quickly, suddenly lobbing him the sponge, maybe if she could disguise the exercise. "Because you need to wash, too." It was also his dislike for the ocean had also prevented him from going near the waterfall where they all usually washed. And a bar of airline soap.

Jack eyed Kate, took a look at the sponge and threw it back at her. "Yeah, I will. Later." With that, Kate crawled on her knees over to where Jack was sitting and began to wipe the sweat and dirt from his left cheek. He tolerated it for a moment before beginning to struggle against her and pull away. Finally succeeding with a firm "_Getoff!" _His hand flew up, and knocked the sponge right out of Kate's hand and back into the bucket of water. Without hesitation he went to grab it, somewhat shocked when his hand - seemingly on it's own accord - refused to delve into the water, and lay flat, hovering over the bucket.

"It's okay, Jack." Kate said gently, her hand returning to his shoulder. She watched him, perfectly still, his eyes focused on the water inside the bucket as if he could see something she couldn't. His mouth was ajar and his hand was shaking only slightly, like he was trying to force it downwards and some unknown force was stopping him. Kate didn't know whether or not to intervene. She didn't know if the water had triggered a memory and he was watching some kind of flash from his capture, she only knew what Juliet had told her, that she was "helping him move on". Surely he didn't need to dwell on negative thoughts, he needed to concentrate on conquering his unusual fear of water.

Taking his hand, Kate brought it away from the water and held it in hers, pulling him out of whatever trance he was stuck in. She wasn't surprised when a moment later, he registered what was happening and jumped in shock. She squeezed his hand a little tighter, "Did you see something?" She asked, tilting her head to meet eyes that were purposefully avoiding her own.

He nodded, finally glancing at her out of the corner of his eye with a timid, almost pained expression. Hanging his head when he caught a glimpse of the bucket still at his feet. He didn't wait for her to ask him what he had seen, he needed to tell her before he decided against it.

"I know, that it can't hurt me." Jack explained, even adding a humorless laugh as he gestured towards the bucket. He at least wanted to get that clear before he revealed to her everything he'd just seen, he didn't want her thinking he was that ...damaged.

"I saw Them again," He continued, fearing his voice was going to get higher and start cracking if the lump in his throat got any bigger. "There was a tank, it looks like some kind of giant fish tank -_ I think I remember being in there, I don't know _- and there's water all over the floor. There's this big guy - Tom, and he's holding me under the water. He's yelling something to the people outside..."

She watched Jack suddenly freeze, the color draining from his face and although it wasn't completely necessary, Kate felt compelled to quickly grab him by the shoulders and steady him in case he was about to faint.

"What -" She started, but Jack cut her off, her words not even registering.

"_They're talking about the others... how I killed them... and they don't need me anymore.."_

He was rambling, and Kate really couldn't make sense of what he was saying. These people, these 'Others', must have needed him for something, and Jack was convinced it he was used to annihilate various members of their own group. She didn't know what to make of that. His words _'he's holding me under the water' _terrified her, but also confused her. When it was so easy to kill him right there and then, why drag him out into the jungle and leave him there to die? The only answer she could find was that they were all cowards who would kidnap Jack, brainwash him, and force him into doing their dirty work because they were too gutless to do it themselves.

Kate knew Jack didn't need to hear the '_they let you go because they were finished with you_' speech, he'd heard it enough times already and she was sure he actually believed it. She then decided to use his his own words to try and comfort him.

"Once you told me fear is a funny thing." She started, and he eyed her, she knew that if he was in the mood for talking, he'd tell her terrifying nightmares and a morbid fear of water was still nothing compared to almost killing a patient, but it was the only thing she could think of to say. "You said, only give it five seconds. I want you to do that, Jack. Only give them five seconds - Ben, Tom, all of it. Close your eyes."

Jack followed Kate's instruction, he'd used the counting technique so many times in his life, he was worried it had run out of magic by now. But regardless, he listened as Kate started to count, mouthing the numbers along with her.

_1.._

_2.._

_3.._

_4.._

_5.._

He opened his eyes, resolving to push Ben and the others out of his mind. Suddenly, without even a thought, he had emerged his hand deep into the bucket and retrieved the sponge.

* * *

Kate kept her promise, she let Jack stay in her tent again that night. As far as she was concerned, they shared it. It wasn't really a mutual agreement - Jack wasn't even aware she'd moved all his belongings in there until he stumbled across his pack and Kate decided to tell him about making a bed up for him while he was away - but he didn't complain. For one, her tent was far away from the surf so there was no chance that if he happened to sleepwalk again, he would wonder all the way into the water. He also felt so much safer being close to someone at night - just in case. Plus, his storm-ravaged tent -that he really had no motivation to fix anymore - wasn't going to be any use as a shelter now that the last remaining tarpaulin had been stolen by one of the other survivors.

It was only about ten at night (according to Sayid's watch) when Jack decided to go to bed, and even though Kate was perfectly happy sitting by the fire and listening to Charlie play his newly fixed guitar, she felt obliged to join him. He had been falling asleep mid-conversation all evening, and Kate really couldn't understand why he was so tired having been asleep most of the afternoon, but by the time she pulled herself away from the crowd and headed towards the tent, he was already sitting on top of his bed wearing sweat pants and a singlet and wrapped in a blanket.

"You look tired," She observed, just as he yawned widely and rubbed his eyes. "Are you sure you're not coming down with something?"

He shook her off, admitting he just hadn't been sleeping well lately -as if he had to tell her- and getting into bed.

"Perfect timing," Kate mused absently as she changed, "It's pouring down."

"Locke says it's monsoon season and the weathers just going to get worse, he thinks we should secure the tents so they don't fly away or move them up the beach in case the tide rises too high."

Jack paused to listen to the sounds of the trees rustling, the storm had come out of nowhere. He got out of bed, moving over to Kate who was now watching the other survivors scramble for shelter. "I think he's right.." He added sheepishly.

They stood in silence for a moment, just watching the rain fall down and the sky crackle.

"Thunder," Kate said, and Jack nodded, returning to his bed.

There was a silence. Kate wasn't tired enough to sleep, so she spent an hour watching Jack. His eyes were closed, and mouth slightly ajar, but she knew he wasn't asleep yet - he always looks far more spaced out than this.

"Hey Jack?" She asked, and he jumped opening his eyes wide. "Sorry... I'm just wondering.. what's your middle name?"

"_Huuh?"_ He answered, screwing his face up in confusion, and Kate apologized once more for disturbing him.

"Your middle name." She repeated, "When I was moving your things I found your suitcase, it says 'Jack S. Shephard'. I always meant to ask you what it stands for."

She earned a soft chuckle from Jack, but to her displeasure he shook his head. "No way."

_"Why not?"_

_"What is this, 20 questions?"_

_"I'm just curious...why won't you tell me?"_

_"I just don't see why it's important..."_

_"It must be a pretty embarrassing name.."_

_"It's not that.. it's just.."_

_"It's not Sawyer is it?"_

_"NO!"_

Kate smiled, and Jack couldn't help but laugh. That didn't mean he was going to tell her anything though.

He watched her throw back the blankets from her own bed, patting the bedding invitingly, luring him over. He shot her a quizzical look, but found himself moving towards her anyway. She took his hand and pulled him on to her bed, wrapping her arms around his waist. It was all a ploy to get him in her bed, she was cold and she wanted his warmth. She wanted _him_. Yet, regardless of if it was a cunning tactic, she wanted to know his middle name.

"You can stay if you tell me your middle name." She promised, and Jack didn't hesitate this time.

"Sasha." He blurted out, his face reddening a shade of two, and it was visible even though there was almost no light.

"Oh, Jack.." Kate managed through her loud - and as far as Jack was concerned - entirely unnecessary laughter. "That's terrible.."

"It's Russian," He said in his defense, "A Russian _man's_ name. My granddad was Russian.." It didn't stop Kate from mocking him, and trying to get his own back, he asked hers, disgruntled to find 'Anne' was a particularly boring and common name - definitely not on the same par as 'Sasha'.

Jack yawned yet again and Kate decided she'd tortured him enough for one night and it was time to let him sleep. She moved over slightly so he had a bit more room, but when he followed her, he winced in pain, muttering something about his back being stiff from napping on his bed -which was a lot more uncomfortable and poorly constructed than Kate's.

"Flip over." She said, "I'm giving you a massage."

Surprisingly, Jack didn't protest, and promptly turned on to his stomach.

Truthfully, he was far to tired to argue with her. Plus, his back hurt enough that a massage really didn't sound all that bad. When Kate started moving her hands over his body in slow, methodical rhythms, he could barely keep his eyes open. He didn't even have the energy to tell he was falling asleep.

"You're incredibly tense." Kate commented, "You carry your stress right, here." She pushed hard against his back, right between his shoulders. When she got no response she knew he must have fallen asleep. His breathing was deep and his arms were stretched wide open, _spaced out_, the entirely familiar way Jack always slept.

She lay down next to him, tilting her head slightly to kiss him on the cheek. It felt good to have him right next to her, not just because he was sick and he needed someone to watch out for him, but because it felt right. She couldn't believe it had taken her so long to realize it.

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**_Hope you enjoyed the Jateness. The next instalment - I promise - will be up by Friday morning at the latest. Please leave a review and it might even be up sooner ;)_**


	17. Chapter 17 part one

_**Hi! A quick update, next bit should be coming soon. I't quite short, but next part will be up very soon. Hope you enjoy :) **_

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"I baked you something." She announced, leaning over the picnic basket and handing Jack a small plastic container.

"You _baked_?" He asked dumbly, face contorting in confusion. "Over an open fire? And where did you find the ingredients?" She didn't answer him, instead choosing to sit back and smile coyly as he struggled to open the tight clasp holding the container shut.

It was an odd sensation. Jack could feel himself grinning, his body buzzing with anticipation as his fingers worked the lock, but it was almost as if he was bracing himself for a giant puppet to pop out the box and slap him in the face. It wasn't that he didn't trust Kate, it was as if.. he didn't trust himself enough not to screw up her surprise, by finding something to be fearful of.

Using all his strength, the suprizingly sturdy Oceanic -air food container flew out of Jack's hands and came appart mid air, a torrent of water emerging and raining down on him. He shook it off this time, slicking his hair back, and bringing his hand away only to find Kate's sponge encased in a tight fist.

He opened his mouth, beginning to ask Kate the obvious, but pausing when he was distracted by the jungle around him. Strange trees, pink and fluffy. They reminded him of the cotton candy his aunt brought him when they went to the zoo. It was his seventh birthday, his dad was too busy at the hospital, but his mom came for a while at least. Cotton candy is pink, but tree's aren't pink, are they?As he searched around, he couldn't really find a definitive answer, and that worried him. These ones were. And that meant none of this was _real_.

"Are you okay?" Kate asked, smiling, sickeningly sweet, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing tight.

"I'm dreaming." Jack replied, nodding his head slowly as if enforcing it to himself. Fairly lucidly too, he couldn't remember ever doing it before. His dreams were usually chaotic and exhausting, but this one was going alright so far.

He leaned in closer to Kate, bridging the gap between them and planting his lips right on top of hers. She clearly didn't protest, it was his dream after all, instead she deepened the kiss, leaning back and pulling him down right on top of her, her hands trailing down his chest, his heart racing as she began to undo the button on his jeans.

"_This is how our picnic should have gone" _He breathed, forcing his shirt off and then starting on hers. But then he paused, ears pricking as a noise sounded from afar, shaking the ground. Every instinct told Jack to remain with Kate, but his body was drawn elsewhere and he found himself moving towards the clearing, desperate to find out where it was coming from.

Looking down, his shirt had miraculously reappeared on his body, and Kate had disappeared. He called for her, screaming her name as loud as he could but there was no answer. He told himself that this was _his _dream, and he alone controlled it, but it didn't work, he couldn't magic Kate back. So he started to run, desperate to find some way to wake up.

He forced his way through a cluster of trees, his arms scraping against the branches, but no blood is drawn. When he makes the clearing, he is standing only feet away from the edge of a cliff. Turning around, he is met with a women. Her back to him, she has dark brown matted hair, and wears a dishevelled Dharma Uniform, similar to the one they'd forced him in to. She doesn't move an inch, but suddenly, her feet are planted far closer to him than before, and Jack gets scared.

Juliet said he had to become the hero, and nothing could hurt him. He was the hero. This was his dream, and he was going to save himself for once.

_"I.. I have a gun." _He stuttered, and instantly, his hand tightened around a 14mm pistol. The woman didn't move, but he watched her nod and begin to turn around.

_It was her._ The French lady. Before she could fully reveal herself, Jack brought the gun up and shot her twice, both bullets penetrating her chest and leaving giant welts.

He smiled as relief washed over him, moving closer to inspect the body. Yet, as he neared, he saw her hair wasn't brown at all but a fine golden blond; the jumpsuit she wore was far cleaner than the one he'd imagined and like her hair, a completely different color entirely.

"Coleen." He whispered to himself, her name spilling out before he realized he'd never seen her before. At least, he couldn't_ remember _ever meeting her.

"What the _hell _did you do?" A voice asked, and Jack fired before he knew who the man was, the gun with a mind of its own.

But he knows his next victims name too, it's Danny.

He started to panic, mind blurring with fear, the gun shaking in his sweaty hands. He brought it up again, pointing it out at the trees and turning on the spot, ready to fire at anything or anyone that got in his path. All he could hear was noise, blocking out all logic.

The trees rustled as the wind blew through their pink leaves. Jack wasn't sure if it was the wind though, and when a dark shadow emerged from the trees turning day into night in seconds, he fired again. This time using all the bullets he had - _and Karl is dead_.

"_I am the hero.." _He tells himself, but this time he doesn't believe it, and the gun disappears, leaving him defenceless and vulnerable. He closed his eyes, sweat pouring down his face, and his ears starts to pop. "_You can't hurt me, this isn't real. None of this is real."_

Then there's a voice in his head, repeating what he'd know all along. They didn't hurt him, he _killed _them. Juliet told him to laugh. She said laugh and it would all go away, so he does. He laughs like a maniac, until his sides ache and the tears he'd choked back roll down his face. But its not funny, _none of it_. And soon he realizes he's crying, staring at the dead bodies - _his victims_ - in horror and disgust.

There's blood now, everywhere, and Jack starts to doubt if this is a dream on not. It all looks too real for that, blood pools at his feet in copious amounts only a mad man could dream up. _Mad man_. _Monster._

_"You know exactly what you are, Jack." _A voice whispers in his ear, his father's voice. He doesn't have to turn around - can't turn around - to know the man is standing behind him. He falls to his knees, a terrible pain inside his chest, like someone has hold of his lungs, squeezing tighter and tighter, his heart pounding and ready to give out any second. His pain intensified as he looks to the sky and sees Kate's mangled body hanging from the bright pink tree tops.

His face hurts, he brings his hand up and finds blood, his body feels weightless, his head spinning, he blacks out cold.

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**_Hope it was alright, off to write the next part.. :) Reviews/comments are always greatly appreciated!_**


	18. Chapter 18 172

**_Hi, sorry for the long wait, I know it's been ages! We had an earthquake here which knocked out the internet and I've been busy with assignments from university (To those who are considering it, NEVER take Egyptian Studies. Ever. ) This chapter is short, it was supposed to be the start of a longer chapter, but I wanted to get something up! It's my holidays now so hopefully I'll be able to spend some time writing. Thanks for all the reviews and PMs :)_**

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There are arms around his chest, so tight it's hard to breathe and he's tastes blood. There is a body laying heavy on top of him, a heart pounding against his. He wriggles around with as much strength as he can muster, trying to get out of the monsters fiercely strong grasp. He kicks his legs, his left connecting with the beast, and almost instantly, the arms release and warm hands are pressed up against his cheeks.

He can hear it speaking to him, a soft, calming voice, but not one he is able to make out, so he fights against it once more. He feels it's hands caressing his cheeks now, spreading cold tears across his face and he cries out, bringing his own arms up to shield himself. The hands move to slide back his hair, and then there are lips against his forehead, ready to bite him like some kind of vampire. He lets out a pained whimper, his voice broken and shaking with terror, with no idea where he is or what is going to become of him. But this time he hears his own name being repeated over and over again in response and he opens his eyes, sitting up and balling his fists protectively.

"_Leave me alone.." _Jack manages weakly, batting away the monsters arms with shaky hands.

"It's _Kate_, Jack." The monster tries, but he won't believe it. Fear and anger boiling, he begins to yell, throwing its arms off his shoulders and pushing himself as far away as he can get.

"_Get off!" _He cries, pulse raising and lungs ready to give out, too fearful to do anything but dissolve in to tears as panic takes over "_Just go away...leave me.."_

There is a pause as if the monster is actually considering it, but he hears it shuffling around before him, ready to attack, and he forces himself further away. His head connects painfully with something wooden and he brings his arms up in protection again, realizing there is no escape. Then he sees a bright light, illuminating his surroundings. Jack sees Kate.

"It's just me, Jack." She says, faining calm, holding a torch under her chin and watching him closely, wise enough not to reach out and touch him straight away. "You were having a nightmare. You wouldn't wake up..."

He looked dazed, and even when she shone the torchlight in his eyes, he didn't so much as blink. "Hey, can you hear me?"

Jack didn't respond immediately, instead taking a moment to look around and realize he was still sitting on top of Kate's bed in her tent, in the middle of the night, on the island. He hadn't been taken by a monster, he was perfectly fine. His eyes were full of unshed tears, and as he remembered the nightmare, they began to spill out uncontrollably once more. Silently, at first, but when Kate set down the torch and moved close to him, wrapping tight arms around his body, he couldn't hold them back.

His head was laying on her shoulder, and Kate ran a gentle hand through his hair, pressing her lips against the left side of his forehead, managing, somewhat, to rock his larger frame in her arms. Rubbing his back soothingly, she let her hand travel further down, feeling nothing but cold wetness that made his singlet stick to him. She followed the trail around across his stomach and down to the knees of his sweatpants. She didn't know if he was drenched in sweat or he had wet his bed in fear, either way, she didn't need to embarrass him anymore. She was too worried about how freezing his body was, and it seemed he'd been that way for a while.

"I have to get you another blanket, you're so cold." She whispered, but the arms around her neck only tightened. She gently worked to peel them off, reaching over to Jack's bed, grabbing his sheets and wrapping them around his shoulders. He instantly threw himself back at her, and Kate held him, unsure of what exactly she should be doing. She thought about what Juliet would say. She'd want him to talk to her about what he'd seen, and she would ask him if he tried _'becoming the hero' _like she'd taught him. Kate didn't want to do that though. She knew Jack didn't want to talk, and was just beginning to feel comfortable enough that he could sleep in her bed and let her hold him when he was upset. She didn't want to ruin that. So she chose something generic, waiting until he had calmed down, and starting by kissing him again, this time against the cheek.

"Are you okay?" She asked, and he nodded against her shoulder.

"I had a nightmare." He replied, voice barely above a whispered. _"It didn't work. I can't win. I killed them all and I lost. I can't laugh either, it's just not funny_."

"I know," Kate said pathetically, not being able to add anything of great value. "We'll talk to Juliet, we'll find something that helps you. I _promise_."

She knew she shouldn't _promise._ But maybe if they both believed it enough, they _would _find some kind of solution. Maybe she could convince Juliet to give him some kind of drug?

"_Don't tell Juliet I failed_." Jack added softly, voice calm but his heart still pounding a mile a minute. "I don't want any of them knowing." Kate promised she wouldn't, if he didn't want her to know, and again, she damn near _forced_ him to believe she was going to make him better.

They sat in silence for a few moments, Jacks body still shivering against her until she finally decided the last thing he needed was to get sick.

"I'm going to get you some fresh clothes, okay?" She said, wriggling out from his grasp and padding over to his suitcase, searching through it with a torch between her teeth. Surprised when she found nothing, she faintly remembered Rose saying something about Thursday being the new wash day, and figured Jack's clothes must still be on the clothes-line from the morning. "I'll be right back." She hurried, racing out of the tent and down the beach, remembering the last time she left him alone for a second and came back to find him convulsing on the floor.

Jack watched Kate leave, then let his head fall into his hands, massaging his temple wearily. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be the strong one they all turned to, the first one to grab a gun and head off into the heart of darkness. Now, when he examined himself all he could see was a wet, shaky, skinny body and all he could feel was a stuffed up, congested nose and eyes too sore from bawling on Kate's shoulder. All so far from the action hero they had seen him as - so far from the man he was _supposed_ to be.

His mind instantly turned to the crumpled pair of jeans he had left on the floor, or rather, to the collection of pills stored in the left pocket. He wondered, if he took one, would everything feel better? He didn't exactly know what they were, and even though he had ruled out all of the anxiety medicines he could think of, it didn't mean that the pills wouldn't be able to help him. He thought of the worst possible outcome of taking a pill. There was no way he could actually die from taking just one, he assured himself - _he wasn't sure why, but that disappointed him somehow_ - but he could get violently ill. On the surface, that sounded terrible, but as Jack began to think about it, the idea didn't seem that bad at all. If he got sick, he had something else to take his mind of worrying about the Others, if he got _extremely sick_, then he would be far too delirious to remember any kind of nightmare he might have. The longer he thought about the pills, and the more he romanticised the idea of being so ill and near death, the more he wished for it. When he began to consider downing all the pills in one go, simply to see what happened, he was glad when Kate returned and took his mind of the sheer stupidity.

Still, if he could get away from Kate for a while.. he could take _just one_..

She passed him a pile of freshly washed clothes, smiling sympathetically and noting there was water in her pack if he needed it. Offering water was her solution to any kind of injury, ailment or distress. Yet, he knew he probably should take it, he'd been sweating all night after all, but while it was true his head was starting to hurt and his throat was raw, he didn't want to be anymore of a burden. The water supply was running low and Sawyer and Sayid weren't scheduled to make a trip to the waterfall for another day. He shook his head.

Jack turned away from Kate and quickly threw on the crumpled pair of jeans and grabbed a white button up shirt from the pile Kate had handed him. Looking at it closely, he was surprised how similar it was to the one he had worn when they crashed. Turning it over, he traced a line of very thin stitches down the left side, the placing matching the scar on his back precisely. It _was_ his shirt. The one he was going to wear to his father's funeral. The one he was wearing when he killed the Marshall. The same one he wore when Kate tried to tell him what she did and he rejected her. He didn't want to wear that one anymore. Throwing it on to his suitcase, he had a choice of the green one he was wearing when Kate found him, or the grey button up with a brown pattern he wore the first time Kate kissed him. He chose the grey one.

Slipping it on, and struggling to do up the buttons in the low light, he smiled when Kate held the torch out.

"Good choice," She commented, running her hand down his chest. "I love this shirt."

He smiled back at her, shifting his feet and kicking the sand. "Look, Kate," He said, shaking his head regrettably. "At first light I'm going to fix my tent. It was nice of you to make me a bed in here, but I can't stay. You shouldn't have to deal with.. _with this_."

Kate look physically wounded, then she looked confused, and then she just looked hurt. "Jack," She started, shaking her own head as she struggled for the right words. "I told you I loved you, everything about you. I love taking care of you, and I _want_ to help you."

He nodded, still not completely convinced, but not willing to argue. He did like living with her, he just didn't know if he should be.

He tried to disguise a yawn, and Kate turned the torch on him, catching him out.

"It's still early," She said, "Why don't you try and get some more sleep?"

He didn't protest, but made Kate promise to wake him if he looked unrested. They lay on his bed this time, Kate flat on her back with Jack next to her, his head buried in the crook of her neck and an arm across her chest holding on to the opposite shoulder. It took him only seconds to fall back to sleep, and after a few minutes of watching him, Kate found it impossible to keep her own eyes open as well.

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**Hope it was alright, I have the end of the next chapter ready, I will try and finish it tonight :)**

**Next chapter : Jack talks to Rose, and is once again tempted by the pills...**


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